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09.05.19, 11:53 AM General Topics
23 replies
My 11 year old forgets and loses everything. I’m getting extremely frustrated with her. She’s been in school for 3 days and she’s lost her schedule, school shoes, and left phone at home today. I’m really at my wits end with her. This is an ongoing problem. Thoughts? How can I help her? I’m getting annoyed and she can tell. [ Reply | Watch | Flag ]
General Topics 09.05.19, 11:53 AM Flag
 

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A table by the door where she can leave all there things for the next day? A check list at the door? My 2 kids seemed to go through this at that age and got better. But it is frustrating. It may seem that they are careless but it's a little developmental too. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 12:14 PM Flag
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NP: Agree. One thing I require is that DD packs her bag every night and there's an area for it. I also probably irritate her with my reminders but over time, she has become more conscious of things. Keep in mind, OP, that for years, kids have everything done for them and then all of a sudden they have to take responsibility. Best to slowly guide them and they'll get the hang of it. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 12:18 PM Flag
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Op: thanks...this makes me feel better. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 01:17 PM Flag
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*their [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 12:23 PM Flag
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She lost her shoes at school? What did she wear home? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 12:16 PM Flag
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likely gym sneakers. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 12:23 PM Flag
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ok that makes sense, although I've never heard gym shoes called school shoes. If there is a pair of shoes lost at home that were worn only this week, that's a housekeeping problem, not a kid problem. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 12:31 PM Flag
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Op: she wears sneakers and leaves her school shoes at school. She wore her sneakers yesterday and put her school shoes in book bag to leave in her locker. She didn’t put them in the locker. And now lost them somewhere (not at home). [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 01:17 PM Flag
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She has poor executive function skills, but these can be taught. My son does too and we make ridiculously detailed list for everything. A checklist of what needs to be in his bag every morning and one he can reference for when he comes home. Last year his teacher and I both looked at his planner everyday to make sure he wrote down all his work, test, etc. This year he wants to take responsibility for this himself, but if he slips we will go back to the old way. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 12:59 PM Flag
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Op: funny thing is that she takes ownership of certain tasks like her school planner. She enjoys writing down dates and making lists. Normally the lists are for special situations (not day to day tasks). Maybe I need to be more proactive about it with her? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 01:21 PM Flag
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11 years is old enough. Make her to do one small chore for each lost item. Plus buy everything in double quantity for time being. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 01:22 PM Flag
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Op: that’s how i feel sometimes too but dh likes to make excuses which is pretty annoying to me. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 01:34 PM Flag
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It might be ADHD. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 01:25 PM Flag
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Op: I’m pretty sure it’s not adhd. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 01:34 PM Flag
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My kids both have inattentive type ADHD and they are very different from each other. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 01:41 PM Flag
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Normal kid stuff. If you are gone when she gets home she sits down unpacks and gives you forms permission slips etc. at the end of the night you sit down again, think of what meds to be packed and pack. I used bright orange (jacks99) bags for clothes and shoes in backpack. Hard to not see. I put papers like permission slips and $ in gallon ziplock bag - again east to find in messy backpack. You just find a manageable system and make it a habit (which takes longer than you think). It’s like any other skill she needs help from you and practice. Remember -tou are trying to give her the ability to take in the workforce and to train her own kids. It’s more about skill than shoes [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 01:37 PM Flag
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Good advice! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 01:46 PM Flag
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What you are describing is a clear deficit in executive functioning, but is it normal for middle schoolers? Very normal for some on the extreme end of the spectrum. Their brains are working on other things. I tried so many things for my older son - like when picking him up from school, he had to show me everything. Backpack, lunchbox, jacket, homework. Every single day. Also there is no way he would have kept up with different shoes for PE - he wears shoes that work for PE to school. In the end we have like five lunch boxes for two kids and the kids just take whatever we have until we run out and then they take their lunches in ziplock bags and we find the lost lunch boxes at school and bring those home. My 14 yr old finally has stuff down but my 10 yr old is still a work in progress. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 01:42 PM Flag
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Also they have checklists for everything. Written checklists so I am not having to tell them the next step all the time and reminding them constantly. One of my kids likes to write in his planner. The other one - it has been hard to make that habit. GL [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 01:43 PM Flag
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Had she ever been responsible for any of her stuff or this is the first year you insisted on it? My kid is younger, but it's the babysitter who picks him up, she does everything for him, unpacks his bag, puts out the stuff for me on the table to later go through. I pack his bag at night for the next morning. Being used to having others do things for you isn't a way to learn quickly how to do things yourself, so give your DC some time to adjust if your situation was similar and you did all this for her before. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 02:06 PM Flag
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This was me. I remember feeling SO stupid when this would happen. And my mom didn’t help. Work with her to give her skills to get organized and cope. I had to figure it out myself as an adult, but I still have the fear/lingering absent mindedness in me. Its actually forced me to become a very organized adult. I live by very detailed to do lists. And checklists. PPs have had good suggestions. Work with her to make a list of everything she needs every day, and put it where she’ll see it. And tell her to train herself to look at it 4x a day. It’s easier to find something when you know you have it at 12, and it’s now 2. Versus discovering it gone at 5, and not knowing when you saw it last. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 02:30 PM Flag
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This is many, many middle schoolers. I trained mine to have everything ready the night before. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 02:49 PM Flag
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she's gonna grow out of this - it's normal. just let her be. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 11:46 PM Flag
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