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09.04.19, 20:26 PM General Topics
52 replies
We received a 5yo bday party invitation for DD's friend on a weekend when DH is out of town and my regular sitter is unavailable. Would you ask the birthday mom if you could bring along older DC to the party? Or just RSVP no and not say anything? [ Reply | Watch | Flag ]
General Topics 09.04.19, 08:26 PM Flag
 

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Ask if you can drop off. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 08:27 PM Flag
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op: I don't know the parents at all (brand new school), so not sure if I feel comfortable yet. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 08:30 PM Flag
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If you ask, your child won’t be invited again. Thy aren’t a babysitting service. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 09:35 PM Flag
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Oh please, it's a birthday party. That means there are hosts. And the kids are 5, not 2. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 10:56 PM Flag
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op doesnt even know the parents AT ALL and its a brand new school. Its really rude to ask a stranger to host your other child upon the first meeting. Actually i think its rude in general, but if you dont even know the parents? you can find some way to have t=your other child occupied for 2 hours. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 11:02 PM Flag
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It’s a birthday party. That’s kind of the point. We aren’t talking about babies. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 03:08 AM Flag
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a party is 2 hours. set up a playdate or some activity for your other kid. DONT ask. They have to say yes and its rude. its not the hosts problem that people cant get childcare. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 08:27 PM Flag
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When DD turned five her party was a drop-off. Are you sure the host wants you to stay? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 08:28 PM Flag
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good point. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 08:29 PM Flag
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This. Ask if it is drop-off or if parents are expected to stay. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 03:10 PM Flag
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If house party, I might ask if dc best friend. If place pay $50 a head- definitely no [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 08:30 PM Flag
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Where is the venue? If your sibling child is actively participating in the party too and the host has to pay per head, then I would hesitate in asking to bring the sibling. If there is no additional fee for the sibling, I would reach out to the host and ask if sibling could tag along. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 08:37 PM Flag
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this. depends on venue setup and how they count kids for costs. I've been to parties where the sibling is much older, has no interest in party activities for 5 yos and just sits on the side with a book. Venue doesn't include that kid in headcount. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 08:45 PM Flag
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Nope. Accept and make other arrangements or decline. Don't make a parent at the new school need to solve your childcare dilemma. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 08:37 PM Flag
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Is it not drop off? Can another friends' mom "chaperone" while you go off with older ds? I wouldn't have cared if this happened at my kids' parties. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 08:52 PM Flag
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Have you not read the gazillion UB posts on this topic, usually posted by the hosts of kids' b-day parties who are at their wits end because parents ask to bring siblings or even just bring siblings without even asking? If you had, you would know the answer: do NOT ask to bring a sibling to a party. The host will feel obliged to accommodate your request. It's totally not fair to the host. The venue might not be big enough to accommodate additional kids, the host is probably paying on a per kid basis and has already provided the venue with the headcount. If your child is comfortable with being dropped off at the party, ask the parents who are hosting if drop off would be OK. If your DD isn't comfortable with drop off, find another babysitter (maybe a teenager in your building if you are in NYC) or see if a friend of older DC is willing to host a playdate. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 09:51 PM Flag
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DD's birthday parties were drop-offs beginning at 3. It was great and worked out fine. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 09:52 PM Flag
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Where is this? Serious question, I have NEVER been to a drop off party for 3 yos and there's no way in hell I'd be willing to host one unless it was maybe 2-3 3 yos I already knew. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 10:10 PM Flag
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Me neither. Many 3 year olds still have accidents time to time especially when they are having fun. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 10:44 PM Flag
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that is weird [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 10:47 PM Flag
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thats weird. 3 year olds are a handful. However, when they are older,drop-off parties at brunch time are the best. You can have a date with your DH and get free childcare! the best [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 10:53 PM Flag
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This is NOT the norm. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 01:44 AM Flag
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i may have unpopular opinion but i am fine with people bringing siblings and have done the same myself. Here's how they and I have done it; you say 'we'd love to come but i may have a childcare issue for other ds - waiting to see if dh will be free and will circle back' then parent has the choice to either say 'no worries, bring them along' or 'ok no worries lmk when you know'. neither is awkward. I never give AF if people bring siblings personally unless i have numbers limit which i try to avoid. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 10:47 PM Flag
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Of course you do not mind because you do it too. It is rude. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 10:50 PM Flag
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np: I'm the poster below. Where I live it is very common for people to bring siblings and for parents to stay for the party. Sometimes BOTH parents show up. Showing up without asking would be considered rude but the way pp is suggesting it gives the host a graceful option out. This may be cultural. The people here strike me as very uptight and "structured". [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 10:57 PM Flag
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agree that it depends where you live. im in NYC where space is limited, everyone has siblings that are usually not invited and parties anywhere other than the home are $$$. Thats why NYC parents can be uptight about this. I have family in the midwest and they have a party for anyone and everyone in the backyard. no "Paperless Post" invite, no RSVP required. Bring your cousins, no one cares. So, location means EVRYTHING [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 11:05 PM Flag
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NP We had DD's parties at home until she turned nine, and even then I wouldn't entertain uninvited siblings or parents. It's rude, period -- not a function of the out-of-pocket expense. Party invitations are specific. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 11:10 PM Flag
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^^Also NYC. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 11:10 PM Flag
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np who doesn't mind siblings - i am in nyc and this is true of many parents at our school. the way I do it isn't rude, it puts no pressure on the hosting family whatsoever. also i only do it if i genuinely have no childcare. If this is something you get this exercised about honestly (not trying to be rude) i think you are likely projecting anger about something deeper. There's just no way you could find a parent potentially bringing a sibling to the party of someone who has actively offered to host them that offensive in the grand scheme of the world. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 11:13 PM Flag
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PP: FWIW we've never had a "parents stay" party, so childcare wouldn't be an issue. But we're on a budget so have parties at home, and it annoys me that the people who pay a thousand bucks to celebrate a four-year-old's birthday at Bounce U or wherever think they deserve special consideration because they are paying per capita. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 12:06 AM Flag
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Uptight [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 11:14 PM Flag
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this. the only people who dont mind are the ones who expect that they can drop their other kids at other parties. The example of the response you give is pretty transparent. cmon now. lol [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 11:03 PM Flag
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Not sure why you act like this is some kind of smoking gun or mystery you've unraveled - "Ooooh, of course you think it's okay - because you do it too! LOL!" That's what she's saying - she thinks it's okay. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 11:06 PM Flag
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let me phrase it differently: irresponsible moms are laid back about everything, their childcare and yours. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 11:10 PM Flag
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This. Of course rude people do not see it as rude. You do not bring extra guests to any party from a birthday to a wedding. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 01:50 PM Flag
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if it's rude then every parent in both my kids classes is rude. I'll let them know you said so! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 11:14 PM Flag
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please do! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 01:47 AM Flag
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Every parent brings extra kids to parties who are not invited. I would never want to live near you. These are the same people who RSVP for weddings with extra people. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 01:51 PM Flag
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+1, IA with all of this. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 10:53 PM Flag
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I never cared either if siblings came. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 11:49 PM Flag
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I think that's a great way to word it. Puts no pressure on the host. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 01:48 PM Flag
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is this maybe an UES thing where parties are different and they're super fancy and there are all kinds of unspoken rules? trying to figure out why this would be so different from anywhere else I've lived or seen. Bc if the vast majority of families in America do not have weekend childcare or parents nearby then how are they meant to navigate this scenario? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 11:17 PM Flag
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You drop the kid off at the party if they are over 5. If they are under 5 you ask another child’s parent if they can watch your child at the party as well. Or your child can actually skip the party. Consider taking responsibility for your own kids childcare. It’s not complicated [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 02:52 AM Flag
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I realize you think you know everything - but where I live no one did drop off parties at 5. could it possibly be that there is no one answer? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 08:11 PM Flag
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you are correct that there is no one answer. There are several solutions. Be resourceful, or use one of the solutions i provided,. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 08:35 PM Flag
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I'm in Tampa, FL and I navigate it by leaving my othert kids with dh or a sitter. Or i drop off. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 07:41 AM Flag
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where i live dropping off is a thousand times ruder than bringing a sibling. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 08:11 PM Flag
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um, you only drop off is the party is DESIGNATED as a drop-off party. Its usually mentioned in the invite. You dont just leave your child and run. lol [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 08:36 PM Flag
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I do not live on the UES. I live in a MC burb) and only the people invited to a party go to a party. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 01:52 PM Flag
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At 5yo it's usually drop off unless your kid has anxiety or something like that... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 11:48 AM Flag
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Get a sitter - try hello sitter if you don't have any other options. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 12:28 PM Flag
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+1 or PinchSitters [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 03:59 PM Flag
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