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09.04.19, 17:53 PM General Topics
62 replies
What's the worst "expert" parenting advice you've ever received? [ Reply | Watch | Flag ]
General Topics 09.04.19, 05:53 PM Flag
 

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If they're whining for something you can't give them--let them have it in fantasy. Like if they want cookies before dinner say "I wish we could have 20 cookies before dinner but no" This makes my kids blow up in rage. So demeaning. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 05:55 PM Flag
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Hah! I've always interpreted this advice differently - I used to really blow it up (while putting raw veg in front of them), like, "ok, let's imagine that you had sixty different cookies in front of you right now. What would be there? Oreos, chocolate chip, oatmeal... oh! Gingerbread cookies, cookies with m&ms [etc etc etc]... how would you choose which one to have first?" Long discussion about the order of eating the cookies. Etc. It wasn't "I wish we could have 20 cookies" it was more of a long chatty diversion. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 06:57 PM Flag
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Let your baby cry it out through the night, never bring baby to your bed no solid food before six months. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 05:56 PM Flag
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Agree - got all of this as advice, all wrong for our family. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 06:59 PM Flag
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tho don't bring small baby to bed not so much 'bad advice' as you could kill it. this has happened to 2 families I know of. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 08:01 PM Flag
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Dig into the literature around bed sharing deaths - nearly all were the result of morbid obesity in parents and/or drug/alcohol use. Look into Notre Dame's Mother/Infant sleep lab research too. We evolved to sleep together - mother who *loves* to sleep alone with no one touching me, but still has kids crawl into bed [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 02:25 AM Flag
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I'm a new poster to this discussion, but I work plenty night shifts in the ER. That is when these cases come in, unfortunately. Many by well intentioned parents who are not obese or drug users, but I understand the inclination to want to believe this. These cases are really the worst. And on a personal note, a friend lost her baby this way. Autopsy showed no smothering. The child died of SIDS. And bed sharing is, unfortunately, a risk factor for SIDS death. Less air circulation is thought to be partly the cause. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 12:26 PM Flag
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Really? In Japan, almost all babies sleep with their mothers but i don't think there are any more SIDS cases than in any other countries. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 02:00 PM Flag
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Yes. https://www.webmd.com/parenting/baby/news/20140714/bed-sharing-linked-to-sids [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 02:57 PM Flag
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https://www.medicinenet.com/script/main/art.asp?articlekey=170003 [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 02:58 PM Flag
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Infants are babies but not all babies are infants. A bassinet next to our bed worked best for night time feedings but bringing the eighteen month old (baby) to our bed because otherwise no one in the house will sleep worked for us. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 02:41 PM Flag
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This is true (ER poster from above). Bedsharing is most contraindicated under 1 year of age, but especially in the first three months of life. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 02:57 PM Flag
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This. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 12:00 AM Flag
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I don't think anyone has ever bothered to give me advice, they just pitied me. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 06:01 PM Flag
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Same. It was trial and error all the way for DH and me. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 06:10 PM Flag
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Not me, but a friend of mine who had an incredibly anxious, fearful child, was told, when he was 3 or 4, that she needed to "work through all the possibilities of what could happen" with him--i.e. what's the worst thing that can happen if the elevator falls, if you get locked in the car (which had happened to him already), if something happens to mom and dad. When he was 5, he refused to get on an elevator when they had a room on the 23rd floor (which he'd been going to all weekend, but apparently after they'd employed this "strategy" he got scared. Duh). So dad carried him up 23 flights of stairs. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 06:12 PM Flag
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how is he now? My friends' 9yo would not sleep in their hotel room in NYC b/c it was on a 20+ floor. She has anxiety to the extent they can't travel on planes etc. (she'll literally say ""We're all going to die!" on the plane. Makes other passengers very anxious too) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 06:13 PM Flag
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He's now 20 (junior in college). They eventually got an asperger's diagnosis on him (I don't know if that is still a thing or if it's just autism spectrum now) in addition to his high anxiety. He was put on some meds for anxiety around middle school, I think, which seemed to help. While I don't think the strategy of discussing all the "what ifs" with young kids is at all helpful, I also don't thingk their anxiety should be ignored. I hope your friend's DD is able to talk with someone about her fears. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 06:21 PM Flag
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She just started therapy. I hope too it works. TY for your reply. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 06:22 PM Flag
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Oh god. Hopefully he grew out of it. My niece had a few years where she wouldn't do things like walk through puddles or meet strangers, and she whined about everything, but she fortunately straightened out okay. At least she hasn't kicked any more dentists lately that I'm aware of. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 06:18 PM Flag
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Dad carried him up 23 floors vs carry him INTO the elevator and let him cry. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 06:21 PM Flag
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This. Wrong answer [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 06:25 PM Flag
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Yeah, that's exactly what I would have done, but I'm probably in the minority here. No way I'm walking up 23 floors when there's an elevator nearby. And no, I'm not fat. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 06:32 PM Flag
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Same [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 11:08 PM Flag
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Same. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 02:24 PM Flag
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...but just realized DH would carry up the 23 floors. I guess it's good to have both kinds of parents as a kid! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 02:24 PM Flag
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My daughter has clinical anxiety and we have found this technique very helpful. It’s not “ what is the worst thing” but rather “what is it you are afraid will happen if you get in the elevator”. If the child says they are afraid it will fall you show them the emergency stop button and the call box. All the ways they can get help. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 06:25 PM Flag
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That makes sense--maybe my friend's DS was just too young to do this at 4. It certainly didn't help him, although I can see where this would help another child. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 06:33 PM Flag
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I think some therapists are better at explaining how to use this approach with kids than others. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 06:53 PM Flag
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And some people are better at implementing than others. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 02:25 PM Flag
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This is cognitive behavioral theory and I don't think it's meant for kids. I did it as an adult and it was still scary. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 02:44 PM Flag
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Pediatrician: "now that X is 8 months, able to hold a bottle, and has consistently been sleeping through the night, don't hesitate - if he does stir - to just give him a bottle in his crib and go back to bed." DH nodded okay and when we got in the car, I told him "no way." [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 06:19 PM Flag
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That’s crazy advice. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 06:21 PM Flag
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pediatrician and wife were TT socials folks and he was older. just think he was telling me to do what he did in order to party late night and make it to office next day.... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 01:30 PM Flag
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np: Why? I did this - but with water - not milk. Worked like a charm and my dc who needed this has no dental issues whatsoever. Just normal braces. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 10:22 PM Flag
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Water may be one thing, but nearly every baby I know who did this with juice, breast milk, or formula had cavities, bite problems, etc. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 01:29 PM Flag
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Not an expert, buy my MIL had some doozies. She didn't believe in breastfeeding or car seats, for example. From the day she first met DD (about three weeks old) she asked me EVERY TIME I SAW HER "have you switched to formula YET?" Twas annoying. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 06:30 PM Flag
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My mom did this. It’s like she was personally offended I made different choices that hers. We never used cars seats when you were kids. Yeah, mom. Child safety standards and laws have changed since I was an infant. Why don’t you have any formula? Me: (breastfeeding my third infant) because I’m breastfeeding. Her: I think you should keep some in the house in case it doesn’t work out. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 07:04 PM Flag
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My dc used to throw huge tantrums in the morning and was late to school every day as a result. The pediatrician advised that if she couldn't get out the door in time, we should just keep her home that day, so she would learn that being late is unacceptable. (And, I guess, quit my job?) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 06:32 PM Flag
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Lol. Did that pediatrician have actual children of his own? Because all that DD will learn is that she throws a tantrum and gets to stay home with mom or dad. Which is likely a win in DD's mind. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 06:38 PM Flag
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No kidding. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 07:02 PM Flag
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HA HA HA HA HA!!! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 06:41 PM Flag
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Uggh...my dc's pulmonologist accused me of having Munchausen disorder b/c I was constantly in her office with my 2yo. He had severe asthma. Kicker is she went on to have 2 kids with their own asthma and she confided in me that she felt bad she minimized my distress b/c she was getting no sleep bc she had to tend to their needs . No kidding! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 07:13 PM Flag
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Omg [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 07:44 PM Flag
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Honestly I would have stopped going to this doctor [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 10:59 PM Flag
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wow. hugs. I have a 2yr old and another on the way - I hope I never meet a dr like this. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 11:08 PM Flag
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MIL hates pacifiers but her DC sucked their thumbs until they were well into grade school. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 07:35 PM Flag
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typical [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 07:56 PM Flag
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"All kids NEED a spanking from time to time", my mother. No, they don't. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 10:12 PM Flag
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Anything by Patricia Papernow. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 11:59 PM Flag
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anything by Pamela Druckerman and her whole "french parents are better" bullshit. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 01:37 AM Flag
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I loooooove PD! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 12:26 PM Flag
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lol, entertaining reading but based on my observation of french kids "they are just like us", they eat pizza and fries by the pool, throw tantrums and act just like any child their age. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 02:19 PM Flag
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I don't know if they're "just like us" but they have their own set of issues that are totally ignored by PD. Eyeroll. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 02:26 PM Flag
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To ignore your child when he/she is tantruming. That is emotional overwhelm and they need someone to commiserate and connect. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 12:00 AM Flag
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This plus cry it out. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 12:59 AM Flag
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hmmm, DK on that or at least for us. our CIO experience was incredibly short lived. DS slept through night at three months and had a back slide at four months. ped suggested a small bottle of water for first night and no light/no engagement. DS cried for about 2 minutes then fell back to sleep. Next night DS woke up, whimpered, and fell back to sleep. Third night, nada. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 01:34 PM Flag
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I think with CIO, it works for babies who would have naturally learned to self-soothe maybe a few weeks later. It is not a panacea and doesn't work for other kids. It's just you never hear about the CIO failures. FWIW, dd slept through on her own at 4 months - I take no credit for it. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 02:43 PM Flag
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I find all the "experts" annoying. Mostly bc my annoyingAF husband reads the books & then wants to condescendingly give "expert" advice when I'm about to freak the fuck out on the kids. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 01:58 AM Flag
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lol true [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 02:16 AM Flag
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When I was potty training my dd, I came on this board and got quite a bit of bad advice (as well as personal insults, since she was a few months shy of 3 at the time). One woman told me to get a potty chair, point at it and walk away. Another told me to let her walk around in soiled underwear to shame her. Many of my real-life friends told me to do the three day method, which set me up for a ton of stress, since it took more like six weeks for her to be reliably able to initiate use. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 02:30 PM Flag
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NICU resident on newborn preemie: “One bottle of formula won’t do her harm, and you get to sleep more”. Cost us 4 weeks in the hospital for bad reaction to milk protein. Would have been avoided had I just kept breastfeeding like I wanted. “Baby friendly” hospital. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.05.19, 02:42 PM Flag
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