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09.04.19, 03:30 AM General Topics
16 replies
Finally in therapy with dh. Our dynamic has completely changed just with the accountability of having a weekly appointment. I’m so grateful but also kind of feel like he’s faking it to be “good student” like to check off the box that we tried therapy. Ughhhhhh. I don’t know. Dh’s rage issues are why we’re there but we talked about my parents the whole time today... [ Reply | Watch | Flag ]
General Topics 09.04.19, 03:30 AM Flag
 

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Therapy is crock but it makes quack therapists richer. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 04:16 AM Flag
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oh my gosh, it is not a "crock." you're revealing your ignorance. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 10:15 AM Flag
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What works? NP [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 01:44 PM Flag
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You are experiencing wishful thinking. DTMFA. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 08:14 AM Flag
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when did this place turn into ybm. I know so many people who had good experiences with marriage counseling. you don't hear about it much because people have a tendency to not air what they consider their dirty laundry. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 10:16 AM Flag
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Same person responded twice. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 12:19 PM Flag
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I didn't say anything about therapy. I said YOU are experiencing wishful thinking and DTMFA. Why would you even think about staying with someone who can't control his rage and doesn't want to do anything about it? Don't answer; the question was rhetorical. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 01:48 PM Flag
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so therapy went off track. There's also a chance your parents relationship plays a part in revealing why you married a partner with rage issues, and why you tolerated it. Next appt, start off with "lets revisit why we are here. I want to stay on track, because our marriage is in crisis." You'll never be able to distinguish if he's "faking it", or actually trying to be better. In my opinion, it is VERY HARD for people to change. Have you ever tried to change a bad habit? Think about it. Even when you desperately want to, its very very hard. Unless your DH is actively trying to changehimself by getting to the root of his issues, theres no chance. Hes at therapy though - so thats the good part. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 12:20 PM Flag
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That's really good advice. IME therapists are happy to let the sessions go wherever it may take you but OP's paying for it and should keep it on track. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 01:39 PM Flag
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GL. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 01:03 PM Flag
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Keep at it. It takes time. Wishing you the very best. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 01:43 PM Flag
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In my experience, you may have to switch therapists until you find the right one. DH had/has rage issues also, and the first male therapist was completely clueless. I told therapist how DH calls me horrible names and he would gloss right over that and focus on something totally mundane, like household chores. He didn't get it. Also, DH may be a narcissist and "charmed" the therapist. Now we are trying someone else and at least DH is being more honest. Otherwise, no progress. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 01:53 PM Flag
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I am so sorry. What an idiot. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 03:45 PM Flag
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You should bring this up in therapy. "I like how our dynamic has improved, but I can't help but worry that the change is not real and that everything will go back to the way it was before if we stop coming here." Let both your DH and the therapist know your concern. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 03:52 PM Flag
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this. You HAVE to say it out loud. Therpy is the place where you confront everythig. If you tiptoe around your feelings ( like you likely do your raging DH), you will resent the hell out of wasting your money on it. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 10:54 PM Flag
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Keep going. It takes a while to work through all the emotions and to build trust. You may want to consider individual therapy for both of you as well as couple's therapy. Good luck. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 03:54 PM Flag
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