< Return to Talk
09.04.19, 00:42 AM General Topics
51 replies
I think there is missing information but my ds said he didn't sit or talk with anyone today during his first day of 5th grade. He went up to the boy who was his best friend last year who said "what do you want". And another boy who has been a bully and is a rival for another friend tried to trip him in art class. The dynamic with the first friend is that they used to play Fornite and my son would rage and order him around, which I put an end to, but over the summer he invited this same friend over and the friend was disengaged from my son (while enjoying our Internet and pool otherwise). I am so disappointed because my son has been depressed, has wanted to quit all his activities and is seeing a counselor for that. I thought at the very least he had this friend in his class to reconnect with. [ Reply | Watch | Flag ]
General Topics 09.04.19, 12:42 AM Flag
 

Dear UrbanBaby community,

Thank you so much for being a valued member of the UrbanBaby community. We wanted to inform you that we are shutting down the site on July 6th. We are grateful for your participation and support that has helped make UrbanBaby such an important resource to parents for many years.

If you have any questions or concerns, you can email us at urbanbaby-support@cbsinteractive.com.

Thanks so much,

UrbanBaby Support

»
The boy who tripped him has been jealous for several years over my son's friendship with another kid who is also in the class. They had a falling out and called him "bot" and names. Then "apologized" over facetime this summer. I think to get a fortnite team going and for no other reason. My son is no longer on Fornite and says he's over it. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 09.04.19, 12:44 AM Flag
»
Jealous lol [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 09.04.19, 12:59 AM Flag
»
Yes, jealous of the relationship my son has with another kid. Obvious stuff - like getting him to not sit with him in music, kicking his chair, calling him names, and even saying don't be friends with him. Also uses the F word to describe gay people. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 09.04.19, 01:03 AM Flag
»
Um, “I used to give him parties and he had like 20 friends. Last year it was down to 4 and apparently now, none?” it really sounds like you and your son are the problem ... [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 09.04.19, 01:03 AM Flag
»
So pick apart my post. I am being genuine. Working my ass off and trying to do the right thing. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 09.04.19, 01:11 AM Flag
»
This. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 09.04.19, 08:22 AM Flag
»
So your son rages and orders people around, and they no longer want to be friends with him, and your question is...? [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 09.04.19, 08:22 AM Flag
»
Ok, for the first friend - it sounds like he's a bit over your son. Maybe advised your son to not try/push. Let things lie. If first friend wants to reconnect he will. For the second 'friend' - I don't like that you're saying he's jealous. That's kind of weird. If your son and that friend don't get along, again, let it lie. Reinforce to your son that he needs to be polite and considerate of others. Raging and ordering people around is a very quick way to make them look for others to hang out with. Why don't you find other friends outside of school for your son to hang out with. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 09.04.19, 12:50 AM Flag
»
Agree. Find friends in a group outside of class [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 09.04.19, 12:58 AM Flag
»
Maybe he is over him. He's a very chill kid who seems to like to hand out with the girls. He said this to my son with a crowd a girls around. I know the raging was not good earlier in the summer. He had the game removed until he learned but then he lost interest. I was flabbergasted actually because this was the way he was communicating with friends. He just gave it up and doesn't seem to care. The second kid is not a friend but has been a known bully since 2nd grade (I heard it from someone who works at the school). He uses the F word, The bully has joined forces with another true friend and seems to want to make it hard for my son and this other kid to be friends. That kid apologized over the summer but they haven't seen each other. He is not happy about anyone being in his class. Just thinks his math teacher is nice. This is a big let down after 5 years. I used to give him parties and he had like 20 friends. Last year it was down to 4 and apparently now, none? [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 09.04.19, 12:58 AM Flag
»
"hang" out with girls. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 09.04.19, 12:59 AM Flag
»
Please be a troll [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 09.04.19, 01:03 AM Flag
»
No way this is a troll. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 09.04.19, 02:37 AM Flag
»
“while enjoying our Internet and pool otherwise” you and your son both sound insufferable. If some kid acted life my DC need to kiss his ass because he has a pool, I’d encourage a cold shoulder too. Sounds like the other kids realize your son is an asshole and decided not to put up w it. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 09.04.19, 12:59 AM Flag
»
OP - didn't mean it to sound like that. We have a pool in our condo. I just meant he was content to hang out but wasn't really engaged. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 09.04.19, 01:04 AM Flag
»
And anyway. If my son is the "asshole" as you say, any tips for getting him not to be? He is an only child with an absent father and the gaming got out of hand. He got very intense over gaming which we curtailed. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 09.04.19, 01:05 AM Flag
»
I'm sorry OP, I think people are being too harsh. The bottom line is that your son needs to make new friends. I would encourage him to do after school activities, like an activity class or hobby where he can meet new kids. He is still so young, will he go to a new school for middle? [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 09.04.19, 02:38 AM Flag
»
Thank you. Yes, tonight we talked about applying to a Science Math magnet for 6-8. I am also considering taking him to Russian Math or Robotics club that involves kids from many schools. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 09.04.19, 02:52 AM Flag
»
NP I think a new set of kids for middle school would be a fresh start for him. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 09.04.19, 03:50 AM Flag
»
Hey, not nice! The poor woman is worried about her child. Why pile on? [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 09.05.19, 01:24 AM Flag
»
You are way off the mark here and it isn't helping your child. Your ds was not acting like a friend to this kid and as this kid has now matured, is establishing boundaries, and he doesn't want to put up with it. Your ds kind of burned that bridge and it may stay burned for awhile. As for the jealousy thing, that is a really weird take on it. I don't think you are helping your ds with this stuff at all and I hope you aren't pushing that narrative. The way to handle this is to encourage your ds to be nice to everyone, to talk to other kids and make friends with other kids, and to be nice to the kid who tripped him. Please speak with the school counselor and ask them to meet with your ds and let them know he is struggling socially. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 09.04.19, 01:02 AM Flag
»
This is good advice. Telling your son everyone is jealous of him is not helping and pushing the idea that people get to enjoy his pool so should defer to his behaviour is terrible [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 09.04.19, 01:09 AM Flag
»
You have all hooked onto the wrong things about my post. I neither tell my son anyone is jealous nor do I celebrate the pool that anyone in our complex can use. I was putting that in my post as some context. Based on other incidents since 2nd or 3rd grade, I have deduced that the bully kid (who tripped him) is jealous and a classic bully. The pool is in my neighborhood and we are of quite modest means. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 09.04.19, 01:21 AM Flag
»
Why would you assume a bully is jealous. Tell your child to stay away from that kid and leave it alone. I would tell my son, if you treat people badly they will not want to hang out with you. Tell him to be nicer and people will like him. If he has lost all his friends, he is doing something to alienate people. Work with him on being nice and kind. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 09.04.19, 02:40 AM Flag
»
Have him try some new activities to help meet some people. Focus on the positive. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 09.04.19, 02:49 AM Flag
»
Because the kid literally says to the mutual friend to stay away from or not be friends with my son. I was a child once and can recognize the signs of jealousy. Anyway, I think you have something on his kindness. I really wish I knew how to build that. I feel like a broken record saying be kind, let that go, etc. He is critical of everything and everyone lately, including me. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 09.04.19, 02:55 AM Flag
»
Do you see the contradictions?your son is critical and unkind yet you insist people. dislike him.because they are jealous... [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 09.04.19, 03:01 AM Flag
»
Jesus. I am not claiming my kid is perfect and persecuted by a mob of jealous children. I said that in the case of this ONE kid who tripped him today but has done other things to him in the past all centered around a mutual friend of their (fights over who gets to sit by him, play with him, etc). This kid, age 9-10 uses the F word, and the other F word. I have been warned about him by two moms who work and volunteer at school. He has been in dc's class for three out of 4 years and even when they were in 2nd grade I heard stories about his conduct. So whether he is "jealous" or just a bully, who knows.I am not contradicting and not claiming my son is perfect. He has been negative the way complaining, depressed people get and I have him in therapy for it. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 09.04.19, 03:30 AM Flag
»
OR this what we call someone who is "learning how to be a friend" - that language helps my kids see it for what it is - someone who is struggling socially and is lashing out because they are scared they will get hurt. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 09.04.19, 03:46 AM Flag
»
OR Also I was a volunteer mom and them talking about other kids in any capacity is over the line inappropriate. I have never done and would never do that. It is incredibly bad. You may think it is fine but it is 100% not. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 09.04.19, 03:48 AM Flag
»
I don't think it is fine. One I think just had my back and the other is a gossip. You also hear from dc -- so and so was in trouble and had to stand in the hall every other. This was in 2nd and 3rd grade. I do not repeat anything. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 09.04.19, 03:59 AM Flag
»
OR The way to handle kids who are "jealous" is to be kind to him and help them be included. It is very rare for boys that age to be possessive with friends like you are implying. Not saying it doesn't happen, just that it is rare. Talk to the counselor. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 09.04.19, 03:33 AM Flag
»
The women here have reading comprehension problems. I accept that there's a bully who may be jealous. If your kid doesn't understand that his raging behavior toward Friend 1 this summer was a problem, that is interesting... maybe he is angry in general? why is he so angry? I know you need advice going forward and I'm sorry I don't know what to advise other than guidance counselors are usually useless for anything but gross ongoing bullying. Is his therapist talking to you about why he's so angry? [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 09.04.19, 08:07 PM Flag
»
Stop Fortnite asap. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 09.04.19, 01:22 AM Flag
»
OP - Actually, my dc took himself off Fornite. He couldn't handle it and I thought that was rather mature. All 3 of these boys in my post (friend 1 who was really the best friend, friend 2 and the boy who tripped him and called him a "bot"). [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 09.04.19, 01:28 AM Flag
»
^All 3 play Fortnite. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 09.04.19, 01:28 AM Flag
»
It sounds like he needs some serious restrictions on games and screens at home. Which only means more work for you. Encourage him to branch out to new friends, to leave those boys alone and give them space. Talk about how to be a good friend, what he wants in friends. Get him into after school activities that he finds fun. Exercise as much as possible. Meet with Guidance counselor at school and ask for help. You seem like you are at least willing to work on this, which is more than I can say for a lot of other parents out there. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 09.04.19, 01:33 AM Flag
»
This is good advice. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 09.04.19, 02:41 AM Flag
»
OP - Thank you both. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 09.04.19, 02:56 AM Flag
»
Unfortunately if your son is no longer playing fortnite he may need different friends. My son doesn't play it (never got into it) and two of his friends are much more distant as a result. It seems to be a social thing as well as a game. My son has found friends who like other things that he also likes - it did take time. Boys talk and bond over internet games so it is a big deal when they change games. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 09.04.19, 01:47 AM Flag
»
This. We do not allow fortnite and my son lost a lot of friends. He ended up getting new friends which has been great. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 09.04.19, 02:42 AM Flag
»
Be patient and don't ask him questions about who he sat with or talked to. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 09.04.19, 02:13 AM Flag
»
In a nutshell--your ds was a mean kid and now has no friends. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 09.04.19, 01:32 PM Flag
»
Get him involved with theater. Theater kids are so supportive. He'll learn to channel his emotions better. It's also fun. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 09.04.19, 01:32 PM Flag
»
theater kids are not especially supportive. they're just mean to each other in more nuanced and sophisticated ways. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 09.04.19, 08:08 PM Flag
»
Not true. My dd had a hard time fitting in and theatre really saved her. NP [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 09.04.19, 11:05 PM Flag
»
You're mean. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 09.04.19, 10:29 PM Flag
»
This mom is nicely asking for help. Why do we have to be so mean? I'd say 1: Give it a little bit to sort itself out. 2: And, if not, have your son confront the problem head on, maybe offering an olive branch, saying like "Hey, I know I was kind of bossy and a jerk to you on Fortnite and I'm sorry I got so competitive." I know that's a lot for a middle grader boy to do, but worth a try if he's up for it. Also, keep in mind you may not be getting the FULL story. But that's s start. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 09.04.19, 11:30 PM Flag
»
Also have him join an activity outside of school so he can have a fresh start dynamic and new friends. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 09.05.19, 02:05 AM Flag
»
Ladies.. boys are about domination. Different from girls. I think it's unfortunate (and of course there are exceptions) but boy social life is very much about establishing dominance. In that context, apologizing is very dangerous, even fatal. Friend #1 decided he didn't want to be dominated any more. The Bully wants to dominate. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 09.05.19, 02:31 AM Flag
»
That's so gross. We need to expect more of our boys. Not give into this toxic bullshit you just posted where apologizing for being wrong is considered weak or fatal. F that. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 09.05.19, 02:47 PM Flag
Refresh » New Post »
Select Category
close [X]

close [X]

Select a Category (only 1)

category
Stages
Regions