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09.03.19, 18:45 PM General Topics
8 replies
DS (6) can be kind of difficult/ defiant/ emotional and thrives off positive reinforcement and calm, regulated parenting. The problem is that I am a human being and not a robot and now in the tail end of summer; it is showing more and more (i get frustrated at his behavior and kind of harried and occasionally yell). It only makes things worse and then I feel worse. Anyone else in the same boat? I sometimes feel i am the only parent who is unravelling inside and unable to keep my cool. [ Reply | Watch | Flag ]
General Topics 09.03.19, 06:45 PM Flag
 

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My DD was like this around 6 but now at 8 she is infinitely better. I always found our worst times were near the end of a school break. I have had her to see a counselor and been to parent coaching with DH. Best thing for us has been to avoid the triggers before they happen. Smooth out the parts of the day that lead to conflict. It's OK to avoid the battles vs and also OK to give in and above all good to be positive. Let me know if you have specific questions/examples. My DD has no diagnosis but we had her evaluated to rule it out - they said she is fine but you need to learn how to parent her better LOL. It worked well but I also think just natural maturity. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 06:51 PM Flag
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we are actually enrolled in a parenting course that starts soon - I am excited about learning more! I think some kids you just need to be a really good parent to and i have very few natural skills! I would love to hear any specific advice or examples you can give! Ds basically acts out and gets annoying and doesn't listen any time he has a feeling. So if he has a feeling he'll just express it by being mean. And do it over and over and over until i run out of empathy and screech at him to stop. He also screams a lot for no apparent reason (eg you try to put sunscreen on him and he'll act like it was painful). [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 06:55 PM Flag
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The parenting coach talked to us about ignoring behavior. But what I would do is say to DD "we've talked about this, we are not [going to the toy store], so if you keep bringing it up I'm just going to ignore it." Then she knew what I was ignoring and why vs just feeling like I was being cruel. Also the coach explained about "extinction bursts" which is when they really pull out all the stops on a tantrum to try to get you to relent. When you think DC is at their craziest and you are despairing, it may be an extinction burst! We also came to know that too much screentime was a trigger. Also, let's say Sunday morning we go to church at 11. We come in around 10:15 to say "turn off TV, get dressed". Big drama ensues. Instead, we made a rule that you can't turn it on until you are dressed. Similarly, waking her a bit earlier in the morning to just allow for the time before school without being rushed. Therapist clarified for me that avoiding the hot buttons does not mean you are tip-toeing around your child and molding the world for their comfort. It's just getting the family through the young childhood years. You don't have to be rigid in not accommodating their small issues and making things worse. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 07:00 PM Flag
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My DD was like this around 6 but now at 8 she is infinitely better. I always found our worst times were near the end of a school break. I have had her to see a counselor and been to parent coaching with DH. Best thing for us has been to avoid the triggers before they happen. Smooth out the parts of the day that lead to conflict. It's OK to avoid the battles vs and also OK to give in and above all good to be positive. Let me know if you have specific questions/examples. My DD has no diagnosis but we had her evaluated to rule it out - they said she is fine but you need to learn how to parent her better LOL. It worked well but I also think just natural maturity. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 06:51 PM Flag
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^ Sorry for double post. Best thing is to remember that they want to please you and they are not doing anything to get to you. We need to help them be their best selves. It's a virtuous cycle because when they feel good they find the inner strength to self-regulate better and it is self-enforcing. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 06:55 PM Flag
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Don't be so hard on yourself. No parent remains cool all the time, if they tell you so, they are lying. We are only human and sometimes kids can be annoying. Just do the best you can and don't sweat the small stuff. FWIW, everyone thrives off of positive reinforcement and calm, regulated parenting. But parents aren't robots and I think it's good for kids to see that there is a connection between their poor behavior and the impact it causes on other people. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 07:10 PM Flag
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I am ready to throw my sweet 4 yo dd out of the window, so it’s not just you ! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 08:47 PM Flag
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That's what margaritas are for. Seriously some ages really push your buttons. My kids were fine even if I "lost" it once in a while. I think it just showed them that I was human too. I would put myself in a time out--locked my bedroom door and just lay down for a 15 minute break. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 09:44 PM Flag
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