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09.03.19, 13:30 PM General Topics
69 replies
Do you feel sorry for people (past 40) who don’t have kids? Does it matter if it was their choice? [ Reply | Watch | Flag ]
General Topics 09.03.19, 01:30 PM Flag
 

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Good god, no. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 01:31 PM Flag
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+1000000 [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 03:08 PM Flag
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x am million [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 01:09 AM Flag
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Definitely not. Hasn’t anyone read the article about single unmarried women being the happiest? https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-7071125/amp/Men-married-improve-wellbeing-expert-says.html [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 02:06 AM Flag
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Not surprised [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 08:08 AM Flag
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Nope. They’re in some ways smart!! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 01:37 PM Flag
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Yes . . . most people I know who didn't have kids past 40 did want them. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 01:47 PM Flag
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I feel worse for people who have kids and never wanted them. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 01:52 PM Flag
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+1 Three friends - two women and one man - have told me that they love their kids, but if they could go back and do it over, they wouldn't have children. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 01:57 PM Flag
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Do you think there is a common theme among them? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 05:03 PM Flag
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Yes. They have lived through all of the stress and hard work, and see all of the opportunities they have had to give up, and they don't find parenting worth it. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 08:04 PM Flag
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Ah - I think the sad truth is that we don’t have a society that supports parents. I was just in France and was taken aback by how involved both parents were with their kids. I guess it’s easier to have patience and be present when you have six weeks of vacation and a year of maternity leave. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 10:38 PM Flag
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Interesting. Also, French people are not martyrs about work and I'd guess that people aren't as stressed about money. Everything in the US is high-stakes and there's a limited safety net. People are generally tense here. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 01:04 AM Flag
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Oh, the French are so superior.... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 01:34 AM Flag
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you sound English [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 03:38 AM Flag
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Or some people just don't enjoy parenting, and we don't have a society that accepts that as normal. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 01:55 PM Flag
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Not really. A lot of things aren't in the cards for people, wanted or not. My dcs bring me so much joy and I have friends who didn't have kids for many reasons (infertility, choice, etc.) There are some who I think would have been great moms, but no I don't feel sorry for them. I feel sorry for myself that my phenomenal parents died as young as they did. I really miss them and envy my friends (who have good relationships with their parents) who still have theirs. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 01:54 PM Flag
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I am in same boat and I envy my friends who have parents too. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 02:13 PM Flag
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Over 40 and childfree. Don't waste your time feeling sorry for me. I'm sure your kids could use that energy. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 01:56 PM Flag
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Who said I have kids? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 02:00 PM Flag
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Why are you on urban baby then? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 06:38 PM Flag
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Because it's hilarious. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 08:04 PM Flag
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+1 A bunch of us share screenshots of UB crazy, once every month or two. Good comedy! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 01:56 PM Flag
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Why are you? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 08:18 PM Flag
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I envy them a lot!! (if it was their choice) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 02:12 PM Flag
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DH and I don't have children by choice. We were just saying last night how much we both are so happy with the choices we've made. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 02:21 PM Flag
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Do you think you’ll feel the same way at 75? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 02:30 PM Flag
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I've felt the same way for almost 50 years. I think so, and if I don't I'll cross that bridge when I come to it. Do you have a particular reason to ask about 75? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 02:38 PM Flag
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IL’s friends came over their house for dinner over the weekend. The wife drank a little too much and got kind of weepy over not having kids/grandkids. They do enjoy once-in-a-lifetime trips (for everyone else) at least twice a year. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 02:42 PM Flag
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Ah. I wonder if she wanted them but could not for whatever reason. It was a different time, going both ways. If you wanted but could not have them, medicine to help would not be as advanced and if you did not want them, birth control and financial opportunities were not there. We're lucky we live in a time with choices for people with either desire. One of the things I read when I was on the fence but worried about future regret was happiness (in this regard) is connected to an outcome consistent with what you wanted. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 02:49 PM Flag
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I think people overestimate how much many elderly people see their adult children. DHs parents are in their 70s and we see them once or twice a quarter. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 05:06 PM Flag
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Well-meaning question here: Why are you on a site called Urban Baby? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 04:26 PM Flag
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I got sucked in when I was on the fence. I'd give a more nuanced answer, but heading out to pal around with DH. We're extending the weekend [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 05:26 PM Flag
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Not all all. It's very hard to put myself in someone else's shoes. Maybe people without kids feel sorry for me! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 02:26 PM Flag
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This never crosses my mind. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 02:27 PM Flag
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It depends. My kids have enriched myself so much that I sometimes feel badly that other people I love (like my sisters) aren't going to experience parenthood. Other times, I'm jealous of their freedom. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 02:29 PM Flag
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enriched my life [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 02:29 PM Flag
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np - I agree. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 02:30 PM Flag
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Best answer [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 02:36 PM Flag
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+3, my sister doesn't get a lot of things about having kids. On the other hand she and her DH have an amazing relationship and are really happy. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 01:11 AM Flag
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Same for my sister [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 08:06 AM Flag
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No, I don't feel sorry for them at all. I might, however, have the thought that I'm glad *I* have kids. To each their own. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 02:41 PM Flag
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Feel sorry? No. Envy? Maybe a little ;-) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 03:09 PM Flag
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Hell, no. They often have better relationships with each other. Kids do a number on interpersonal relationships! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 03:10 PM Flag
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I feel compassion for people who are over 40 who very much wanted kids but didn't get them if they are sad about it. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 06:40 PM Flag
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If they chose not to, no. If I know they wish they had children, yes. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 06:44 PM Flag
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Yes. Even when it is their choice. I worry for them in old age. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 07:00 PM Flag
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40% of old people in care never get any visitors at all, whether they have kids or not. It's insane to think that having kids will mean you are looked after in your old age, [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 09:53 PM Flag
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I don't think it is any guarantee but obviously it increases your odds drastically. It also gives you something to look forward to. You see your children grow and start families of their own. When you are childless, you pretty much just watch your peers die off. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 01:34 AM Flag
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THIS [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 04:12 AM Flag
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Not sorry, but I do think they are missing out on one of life’s most profound experiences. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 07:52 PM Flag
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True [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 04:12 AM Flag
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Not in the least. I feel sorry for the kids of people who felt that they "should" have kids cause everyone else was. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 08:14 PM Flag
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Given a do over, I'd never have kids. Each has learning disabilities and because of them emotional issues. The milestones that other parents enjoyed, we never have. One has sensory issues and couldn't take loud noises, so no team sports, festivals, et al for us. The other has dyslexia and has taken thousands of dollars of additional support, special education classes and soon a very expensive special ed college. They have consumed our lives. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 08:16 PM Flag
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Same here, which college? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 02:03 AM Flag
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Beacon in Leesburg, FL (the least hurricane prone of all of Florida) or Landmark on the East Coast. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 12:43 PM Flag
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I'm very sorry [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 04:13 AM Flag
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Same here [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 08:02 AM Flag
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Have you considered donating DNA to an organization that is working to identify contributing factors of learning disabilities and other difficulties? Maybe a university study in your region? Since both of your children have disabilities, there is a possibility of a genetic component, and your, your husband's, and their DNA could hold valuable information. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 01:59 PM Flag
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This is very honest of you. I hope it gets easier. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 04:36 PM Flag
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I don’t have my kid until 42. Didn’t realize all these people were feeling sorry for me! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 09:28 PM Flag
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This. 2 of my friends had their first kids after 40. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 03:08 PM Flag
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No! Everyone I know who doesn't have kids seems to have a full and satisfying life. I guess I never know if it was "choice" or not, but what difference does it make??? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 09:48 PM Flag
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If they are a couple, the relationship can strain because without the big project of parenthood, its not easy bringing newness into a relationship throughout decades. That being said, kids can kill a couple, and often do. It depends on the people involved of course. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 11:06 PM Flag
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I do. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.03.19, 11:51 PM Flag
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If they wanted them and could not have them, yes. But I know many, many people who chose not to and are perfectly happy with their lives. I don't feel bad for them. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 01:00 AM Flag
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I was childless until 40. Now at age 50+, and as s single person I feel fortunate to have children. This is a personal opinion, though. I don't feel sorry for childless women, though. One of my best friends is childless and single. We both have good lives. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 01:05 AM Flag
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I'm always wary of posts like this. The premise seems to be that people have a defect and the reaction or non-reaction is to that alleged "defect." [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 01:12 PM Flag
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You have to have major stamina to have a family these days or low standards. If you don't have either, you will be happier childless. I feel sorry for those who want to have kids but cannot though. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.04.19, 03:14 PM Flag
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