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07.27.08, 06:11 AM General Topics
27 replies
my dh lost his job, we have barely any savings, and will probably have to sell our house in the crappy marked. i have been having kids for the last 5 years and have not worked. i can't help but feel completely let down by him for now creating ANY financial stability for us. he has a masters from an ivy league,speaks several languages - is almost 50 and has less security then all his pear. am i wrong? [ Reply | Watch | Flag ]
General Topics 07.27.08, 06:11 AM Flag
 

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be supportive of him. i'm sure he feels crappy about this too. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.27.08, 06:15 AM Flag
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Maybe, some guys would feel bad and try to fix it and some guys would just feel sorry for themselves and stew in resentment. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.27.08, 07:16 AM Flag
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np; Given the way the market is it may not be easy to fix even if OP's DH is trying, so I think he should get a break. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.28.08, 01:03 PM Flag
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I'm sorry--that sounds very tough. But he was the same guy when you married him, right? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.27.08, 06:16 AM Flag
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I totally understand, i would be furious too. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.27.08, 06:54 AM Flag
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but what about OP? This financial situation didn't just happen, it's not all his fault. Did you explore part time options? ways to economize? It's not 1850, you are a partner int his, right? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.27.08, 06:59 AM Flag
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OP is doing her job - taking care of her children. Flame away but that is a very real and noble job and one that no one can do better than OP. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.27.08, 07:08 AM Flag
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OR: I'm a SAHM too. and i stand by my point. at dsome point in those 5 years, it must've been obvious that they were in trouble. time then for the team--not just the DH--to decide a course of action. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.27.08, 07:12 AM Flag
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Hey people get laid off, it happens every day. I don't know about OP but if I went back to work I would earn about 40k. max. - I have few marketable skills anymore. That would cover daycare for 2 plus my gas money. I think a lot of women are like me. Not everyone was a Hedge Fund analyst before having kids. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.27.08, 07:14 AM Flag
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OR: I just feel bad for her DH. I'm sure he feels like shit, her anger can't help. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.27.08, 07:15 AM Flag
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She feels let down, not angry, a totally understandable response. I bet her DH would be annoyed if she screwed up the kids. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.27.08, 07:17 AM Flag
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np: your response implies DH screwed up. We don't know that. He got laid off. It happens. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.28.08, 01:22 PM Flag
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If their DC were screwed up, hopefully her DH would realize he was accountable for that as well. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.29.08, 12:00 PM Flag
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She was the SAHM; he was the money maker. I'm sure she did her share and well. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.27.08, 07:09 AM Flag
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np: does being a sahm mean you should be oblivious to all money matters, like how much they were saving, how much they were spending? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.27.08, 08:32 AM Flag
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I totally agree - just posted below, too. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.27.08, 08:42 AM Flag
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ITA. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.27.08, 08:42 AM Flag
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Unfortunately great education + extremely academically inclined does not = drive. I'm sure your dh feels horrible and helpless too, but I'd feel resentful too. You work to keep the family happy and healthy. I empathize for your situation. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.27.08, 07:45 AM Flag
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You BOTH took risks. You took a risk by staying out of the job market, and you both took a risk by not saving. These are decisions you both made, yes? Or you put up with, yes? I understand being disappointed, but being angry at him is both unjust and unproductive. (I'm a SAHM by the way, and I understand the risk I'm / we're taking.) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.27.08, 07:46 AM Flag
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Well said! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.29.08, 11:56 AM Flag
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I understand your frustration, and am very sorry for your situation, but building financial security is not just the job of the person who is earning the money. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.27.08, 08:41 AM Flag
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ITA. You can't just blame him. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.29.08, 12:03 PM Flag
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you are afraid, but I'm sure DH is afraid too. Maybe there should have been better planning/decisions in the past, but that's irrelevant right now. Can you work at all? Even a part time gig at Starbucks or something to bring in a few bucks. Be a team player! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.28.08, 12:31 PM Flag
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don't be so certain that you know the situation of all of his peers. These are tough times for a lot of people. Anyhow, it doesn't matter what other people have, you have what you have. Try to be supportive. And consider going back to work. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.28.08, 12:35 PM Flag
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he is about to be joined by plenty of peers. don't know his field but have you read the newspaper? lots of people think what we're in/ facing is closer to a depression than a recession. be disappointed but don't be angry at him (assuming he didn't do something terrible to lose his job). Find the best solution for your family and move on. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.28.08, 12:42 PM Flag
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where were you these last 5 years?? Just because you take care of kids during day doesn't let you off the hook for asking questions about personal finance and savings. Just like his job doesn't end at 5, neither did yours. Unless you have some other reason to blame him other than he just lost his job, you need to stop the resentment and start fixing. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.28.08, 01:09 PM Flag
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ITA. There are a lot of SAHMs who are also responsible for the household finances, who would be very aware of the household financial situation. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.28.08, 01:15 PM Flag
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