< Return to Talk
07.26.08, 19:40 PM General Topics
12 replies
Alright so - at the beach today with 6 yo ds and his best friend. His best friend has this thing about promising my ds things he can't deliver on ("I'll give you my new video game if you do x,y,z with me ...") Ok, so - we're at the beach and ds doesn't feel like swimming because he has a healing cut on his foot - he's relaxing and his friend says, "come on in the water, Jack - I'll give you my Hulk toy if get there 1st!!" So ds runs down to the water, his friend following and they have fun. About an hour or so later, I notice ds pouting and can't see his friend anywhere. His friend's mom comes over to me and says, "Jack must be having an off day. He just told Sam (best friend) that he didn't like him anymore and didn't want to be his friend anymore." (Keep in mind, best friend's mom had no idea her son had been promising my ds the world). I'm so tired of this kid (who I adore) telling my ds about all the things he'll give to him, mail to him etc etc .... It sets my ds up for disappointment time & time again. So tonight I explained to ds that sometimes his friend likes to "tell stories" (I didn't want to use the "lie" word) and to not get too upset when his friend's promises fall through. Did I handle it the right way? [ Reply | Watch | Flag ]
General Topics 07.26.08, 07:40 PM Flag
 

Dear UrbanBaby community,

Thank you so much for being a valued member of the UrbanBaby community. We wanted to inform you that we are shutting down the site on July 6th. We are grateful for your participation and support that has helped make UrbanBaby such an important resource to parents for many years.

If you have any questions or concerns, you can email us at urbanbaby-support@cbsinteractive.com.

Thanks so much,

UrbanBaby Support

»
^^^ Oh, and I forgot the most important part: his friend's mom told me that the reason her son wasn't near my ds at that moment in time was because she told "Sam" to stay away from ds since ds was being MEAN to him. Oy. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 07.26.08, 07:42 PM Flag
»
well, I would have told my kid the same thing....if your dc was being mean to Sam why should he play with him? If Sam is promising things to your DS and he never delivers you should talk to your ds about how to handle that [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 07.26.08, 07:47 PM Flag
»
Why don't you just talk to ds and explain "when Sam says he'll give you a special toy, it's because he wants you to do something you didn't want to do, or play something you didn't want to play. But even if he wants to, Sam isn't really allowed to give away his nice toys, so you can't take those kinds of promises seriously. If you want to do what Sam wants, you should, but not because you think you will get a toy, because Sam can't give that to you." [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 07.26.08, 07:48 PM Flag
»
^^^but it's important that your ds isn't doing things because he thinks he is getting a toy out of it. He needs to play with his friends because he likes them, not for some reward at the end, and you should help him understand that. What if Sam kept his promise? Would you really let your ds keep presents given to him by a friend under those circumstances? You'd probably end up giving them back anyway. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 07.26.08, 07:50 PM Flag
»
np, I think you are blaming the wrong child here. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 07.27.08, 04:59 AM Flag
»
And I also think that your characterization of Sam "telling stories" is the wrong thing to say to your son. All kids say things like that and you need to help your son understand when kids are making promises they aren't able to keep. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 07.26.08, 07:55 PM Flag
»
I disagree. Calling Sam a name (liar) would have been wrong. I think OP handled it in the best way possible. And if Sam and Jack are best friends, I would have clued Sam's mom in to what her son has been saying. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 07.26.08, 09:08 PM Flag
»
NP, we don't call people names in our family. I answered below. Just describe the behavoir for what it is. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 07.27.08, 04:57 AM Flag
»
And you are surprised the apple didn't fall far from the tree? [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 07.27.08, 04:59 AM Flag
»
First, parents are way too involved in this. But, since you are - you deal with your son only. You explain the situation (the truth), your friend is manipulating you to force you into doing something you don't want to do. Ultimately it is your choice - you get to decide - but has he ever given you what he says he will? DC says no. Do you think this will change? DC answers. So, lets come up with all the ways you can handle this. Do you have any ideas - and let him say whatever he wanst no matter how crazy and then just work it around to some other ideas. The POINT is for your dc to be able to resist temptation when he's older and the stakes are higher. So, in your mind - thank the other kid for giving you the opportunity to teach your child some life skills - and completely dismiss other mom. Chances are the two children won't even know or remember each other by college age. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 07.27.08, 04:55 AM Flag
»
You could also help dc come up with a sentence that is nice, polite and to the point the next time this happens. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 07.27.08, 04:58 AM Flag
»
OP, I think you did exactly the right thing. You told your son the truth without attaching labels to it or making it a personal negative. You told him what we all need to know- that some people are manipulative and to look out for yourself- without actually calling Sam a manipulator. Kudos. Your dc will be the wiser for it. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 07.27.08, 03:58 PM Flag
Refresh » New Post »
Select Category
close [X]

close [X]

Select a Category (only 1)

category
Stages
Regions