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07.25.08, 07:55 AM Newborn
144 replies
Do I need to ask if I can bring my 4 month old to a friend's wedding? [ Reply | Watch | Flag ]
Newborn 07.25.08, 07:55 AM Flag
 

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of course [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.25.08, 07:57 AM Flag
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this is going to sound dumb, but why? the kid's not eating, crawling, obviously won't be crying... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.25.08, 07:57 AM Flag
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doesn't matter - they could be crying, and unless the baby was specifically invited, I would not even ask and hire a sitter for the night. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.25.08, 07:59 AM Flag
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that's ridiculous. why does someone care if there's a baby at a wedding, especially when they don't require food, highchair, or any extra work? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.25.08, 08:01 AM Flag
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trust me, they absolutely care. You've got single-minded new mom brain, but as a recent bride, believe me, they care. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.25.08, 08:02 AM Flag
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I need more of an explanation. why does the bride care? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.25.08, 08:05 AM Flag
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The bride cares b/c she didn't invite your db. Some brides don't want ANY children (even ones that don't cost them $) at the wedding. Plus, it is common courtesy to ask. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.25.08, 08:06 AM Flag
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ITTTTA. I was just married in April and I provided a babysitter for my sisters dcs and by sil's db, but they were the only ones whose kids were there, everyone else who had children left them at home -and no one would even have asked(if they had I would have offered them my on-site babysitter but no children were allowed at the actual wedding) - I can't believe how selfish this op sounds. This wedding is not about you or your child! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.25.08, 08:08 AM Flag
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Case in point. A world without children as part of any celebration is, to my mind, a less joyful world but those who wish to live in it may go right ahead. Children at every life-cycle ritual for us!! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.25.08, 08:10 AM Flag
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good for you. However, my evening wedding at a formal location was not appropraite for children. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.25.08, 08:11 AM Flag
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My kids have been to several black tie events celebrating rites of passage. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.25.08, 08:14 AM Flag
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so have mine, but it is up to the people hosting the event to determine who is invited. not the guests. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.25.08, 08:14 AM Flag
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ITTTA [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.25.08, 08:31 AM Flag
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I was just married last year as well and the only children specifically invited to my wedding were my 6 yo and 1 yo nieces. Having said that, one couple did bring their 5 mo baby, but they asked us if it would be all right ahead of time. I would have been annoying if they had been presumptuous enough just to bring the baby w/o informing us. Our wedding was an evening black-tie adults only affair. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.25.08, 08:10 AM Flag
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clearly not adults only. you invited a 6yo and a 1yo. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.25.08, 08:11 AM Flag
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Yes, I invited my nieces - they were the ONLY two invited guests under 21 at a wedding of 200 people. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.25.08, 08:13 AM Flag
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so, it wasn't adults only. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.25.08, 08:16 AM Flag
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Semantics, but yes, you are right. It was 99% adults. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.25.08, 08:19 AM Flag
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yes, so what ? ..kids were family [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.25.08, 05:00 PM Flag
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exactly my point. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.25.08, 08:12 AM Flag
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and brides who think the wedding is the culmination of their life's achievement need to get their heads out of their asses. that you would choose your own perverted notion that children should be invisible over a friend's comfort is really mind-blowing. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.25.08, 08:11 AM Flag
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my friends would be nore comfortable without their young babies there to have to take care of... have you people never wanted a few hours of relative "freedom" to enjoy being an adult? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.25.08, 08:11 AM Flag
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you don't get to decide at which events other women would have more fun...i spend plenty of time without my kid. and their are someweddings where i'd have a better time without him, and some, like when my kid was 8 weeks, when i would have been miserable without him. but it sounds like i have way nicer friends than you. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.25.08, 08:13 AM Flag
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if it was my wedding I do get to determine who is invited and who is not. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.25.08, 08:15 AM Flag
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My husband and I BOTH enjoy being adults who have children and celebrate with them along with the rest of our family, synagogue, etc... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.25.08, 08:15 AM Flag
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You are reading a lot into the previous poster's comment. She didn't say her wedding was the culmination of her life's achievements. It was, however, an event that cost $30-200k and she should be able to dictate how she wants that event to unfold. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.25.08, 08:13 AM Flag
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no, you see, that is the exact problem with women like you. spend what you want on your weddings (although if you spend 200K, then you really need to have your head examined--and you do think its the culmination of your life's achievement) but you don't get to dictate how events unfold. ever. life in unpredictable, other people have needs, and if you think a four month old sleeping at your friend's breast ruins your big day, you're an ass. period. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.25.08, 08:15 AM Flag
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no one can guarantee that a 4mo will sleep through the wedding. I had a friend who did not invite babies but a guest brought theirs, and the child cried through the entire ceremony. Sorry, but that kind of ruins the moment. If you can't think about respecting the wishes of a bride and groom on their wedding then you're the ass. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.25.08, 08:17 AM Flag
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Women like me? What's with the vitriol? I wasn't the previous poster, but I was defending her. I gave that range b/c that is how much weddings cost these days and if you don't realize that, you have your head in the sand. I would have never let an uninvited baby ruin my day but I would have FAR preferred to know the baby was coming in advance. FWIW - I got married at 36 and planned my wedding in 4 months - was not the "women like me" you seem to be describing. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.25.08, 08:18 AM Flag
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I was the previous poster and I was married at 25, planned my wedding in 4 WEEKS because my future fil was dying. Due to space, timing and lots of other things, we hired babysitters for the 3 children in the family under age 6 (the other "children" were teenagers, they attended) and no one else brought their baby - or asked. PLEASE. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.25.08, 08:20 AM Flag
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weddings do not just cost 200K--that's a lifestyle choice and a stupid one at that. and if you think that is just what they cost, then you are exactly the kind of woman i think you are. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.25.08, 08:21 AM Flag
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sorry, but some weddings do (not mine for sure, I agree that it is crazy to spend that much) - but to each their own. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.25.08, 08:23 AM Flag
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Not all weddings cost that much (mine didn't) but MANY do. I've been to several weddings that were upwards of $100K. If you live in NYC - that's just the way it is. It has nothing to do with me. If you google, you will find that the average wedding in NYC is $30-75K so of course the are many that are more than that. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.25.08, 08:26 AM Flag
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yep. I just had my wedding (planned in 4 weeks which is a whole other story). In order to have 100 guests (which is pretty small compared to many weddings) our wedding was just under 40K. And yes, I budgeted very carefully and we didn't have a very fancy wedding. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.25.08, 08:29 AM Flag
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This is where the Hear, hear!! goes - not below where it got bumped to. Baby at the breast is a beautiful thing at a wedding or any other event. That said, your friend may well be an ass. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.25.08, 08:20 AM Flag
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wow... baby at the breast during a sit-down dinner at a wedding... I'm all for bf but that is just not appropriate [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.25.08, 08:21 AM Flag
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Hear Hear!!!! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.25.08, 08:14 AM Flag
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who are you?? how selfish? excuse me for being a new mom who's not totally up to speed on wedding/baby etiquette? I'm asking a question - I thought that was the purpose of this site. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.25.08, 08:13 AM Flag
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yes, and you've gotten an answer- don't take your baby unless she's invited [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.25.08, 08:14 AM Flag
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ITTTTTA - it's her event and if babay is not invited, that answers your question [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.25.08, 08:18 AM Flag
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You obviously don't like the answers you are hearing, however, they are truthful. Why don't you just ask your friend? If as you say, it isn't a big deal, she won't mind at all. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.25.08, 08:16 AM Flag
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ignore these women. i don't have any friends who feel this way, or are this bitchy. i have never been to a wedding where there weren't children. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.25.08, 08:17 AM Flag
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You should ask your friend. It's up to her and her intended. But don't be surprised if she's as confused as the rest of these bimbos about what the day is "about". [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.25.08, 08:17 AM Flag
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Absolutely. If the bride has told other guests that they shouldn't bring their children, it may cause problems for her if you just show up with yours. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.25.08, 08:31 AM Flag
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both of the parents who brought babies to my wedding (under 2yo) ended up leaving the room within a few minutes because the babies' crying disturbed the ceremony. my sister's wedding had babysitters to watch kids during the ceremony but kids were at the reception/party. it depends on the bride and groom - it's their wedding; their choice. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.26.08, 06:42 PM Flag
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the day is about her and should be. a lot of planning goes into many weddings and out of respect for the bride, you should leave that db at home. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.25.08, 08:08 AM Flag
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Ew. "The day is about her"? Isn't the day about the community celebrating a new union and presumably a new fertile couple soon to reproduce? It's not a fashion show for Barbie dolls. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.25.08, 08:11 AM Flag
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"Community celebrating a new union... new fertile couple soon to reproduce???" Are you Amish??? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.25.08, 08:24 AM Flag
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lol [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.25.08, 08:24 AM Flag
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I like you. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.25.08, 08:33 AM Flag
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Nope, Jewish. Don't like horses. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.27.08, 06:38 PM Flag
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You can guarantee your db won't cry? I wish I could do that! I've been to plenty of wedding where dbs cry or make noise during the ceremony. Usually a bride doesn't mind if it is her relative but if it is a random baby she didn't even know was coming, she'll probably be annoyed with you. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.25.08, 08:08 AM Flag
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[ Removed by moderator ] [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.25.08, 07:57 AM Flag
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Unless baby is specifically included on the invite [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.25.08, 07:58 AM Flag
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You absolutely need to ask. Why would you want to bring the db anyway? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.25.08, 08:01 AM Flag
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why wouldn't I? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.25.08, 08:02 AM Flag
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I don't know - enjoying a nice evening alone with dh with no baby to worry about for a few hours? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.25.08, 08:03 AM Flag
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to have some fun and time for yourself? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.25.08, 08:03 AM Flag
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only the people addressed on an invitation are allowed to attend the wedding [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.25.08, 08:04 AM Flag
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babies have to invited for weddings???? its weird -- of course you take her. if your friend will mind, she's not much of a friend [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.25.08, 08:04 AM Flag
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you're not serious. Many weddings are adults-only, a baby is disrupting and will prevent op from fully enjoying the wedding. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.25.08, 08:06 AM Flag
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who are you to determine how OP will best enjoy wedding. people need to lighten the hell up. its a BABY. if the bride seriously cares, she's an a-hole. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.25.08, 08:09 AM Flag
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oh PLEASE - it is her WEDDING - the one day of her life that a bride should be able to dictate if she wants children there or not. COME ON! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.25.08, 08:10 AM Flag
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ITA - you are NUTS to think it's okay to bring a baby to a wedding. SO inappropriate. I think it's rude of people to even ask - if the kid isn't on the ivite, the bride (most likely) doesn't want them there! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.25.08, 08:15 AM Flag
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seriously. These posters are crazy. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.25.08, 08:16 AM Flag
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Would you stop it with the 'it's the bride's day' bullshit. No one owns a day. Nothing drives me crazier than women who believe the world should stop spinning on its axis because they are getting married. I mean, come on. It's a baby, not a leper. The bride isn't even going to stop by this poster's table by the time the poster with a 4-month-old leaves. It is NO SKIN of the bride's back, and you women are all so obsessed with whining about wanting it the way you want it that you are mortally offended. Christ. Its so sad. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.25.08, 08:20 AM Flag
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sorry, but a baby crying during the ceremony would probably not be the bride's favorite thing. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.25.08, 08:25 AM Flag
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Bride = host. That means she gets to decide who is invited. OP = guest. That means she gets to decide whether or not she will attend, and doesn't get to be offend about who the host did or didn't attend or invite additional guests on her own. It's just basic manners. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.25.08, 08:26 AM Flag
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I cannot believe how many people lack basic etiquette - and think they should be entitled to do whatever they want. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.25.08, 08:27 AM Flag
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i agree that the host decides who comes. but i also think that a culture where kids are not invited to weddings is a perverted, dying culture. shows why so many marriages fail and so many people are living isolated, depressed lives... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.25.08, 08:32 AM Flag
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LOL. A typical UB "any way different than my way must be wrong" response. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.25.08, 08:35 AM Flag
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do you disagree with the content, i.e., do you believe that amercian society is doing well? do you read the papers? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.25.08, 08:41 AM Flag
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I am one of the responders who did not have children at my wedding- and my family is European [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.25.08, 08:42 AM Flag
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I don't think the state of American society turns on whether or not we invite children to our weddings. Plus there has always beena segment of society that prefers more formal, child-free events (weddings or otherwise) over less formal events that include children and I'd question whether it's actually gotten larger over time. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.25.08, 08:46 AM Flag
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The same could be said of parents who believe their children supersede anyone elses wishes. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.25.08, 09:52 AM Flag
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yep [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.25.08, 09:56 AM Flag
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Yes, thank you for saying that. I think that is a big problem--my precious can't be left with a sitter for a minute. My precious has every right to be a fancy wedding. Ugh. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.25.08, 01:15 PM Flag
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My spouse is a pediatrician. We and all our pediatric friends always invite kids to weddings, bar mitzvahs etc. But his relatives never want kids at any of these events. It's not about any real need the child might have that could cost anything. It's a 'style' issue and those who prefer life with invisible children just do. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.25.08, 08:08 AM Flag
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its not even about that - some weddings are adult-only for a variety of reasons - space, the location, the timing, etc. If the baby wasn't invited then the baby should not attend. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.25.08, 08:10 AM Flag
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are you kidding right now? the space? the kid's not even 15 pounds. the location? the kid's in a baby bjorn - how messed up can it get? the timing? there's absolutely no reason that I can think of that a baby that's not taking up a meal can't come along. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.25.08, 08:11 AM Flag
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who cares? If your child was not invited to the wedding then your child should not attend. End of discussion. Babies cry, babies are distracting. This is not your event to decide who should attend. Let it go, hire a sitter and have fun... or if you can't be away from your child for 5 hours, don't go! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.25.08, 08:13 AM Flag
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Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.27.08, 06:51 PM Flag
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Because the host of the wedding doesn't want them there, period. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.25.08, 08:23 AM Flag
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honestly, why are people so vitriol about this? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.25.08, 08:24 AM Flag
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vitriolic. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.25.08, 01:16 PM Flag
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Why are you so dense? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.27.08, 06:52 PM Flag
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ITA that the bride/groom and their families should make the decision re babies/small children or not at the wedding...some wedding ceremonies are more orchestrated by choice and others are looser - it's not up to the guests to decide how the couple want to celebrate.. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.26.08, 06:48 PM Flag
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If a couple doesn't want children at their wedding, it doesn't necessarily mean that they "prefer life with invisible children". I've known people who have formal evening weddings where children aren't seen as appropriate. Some of them love children a great deal. But there are occasions where children are less welcome. My parents once took my sister, who was an infant at the time, to a very fancy french restaurant, and they sure got a lot of dirty looks from people. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.27.08, 03:12 PM Flag
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Absolutely. The person would definitely care. You must ask...although I wouldn't even do that. I would just nit even think to bring the 4 month old unless specifically invited. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.25.08, 08:15 AM Flag
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ITA [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.25.08, 08:18 AM Flag
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Go read Emily Post. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.25.08, 08:19 AM Flag
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Exactly! http://www.emilypost.com/weddings/tips/invited_now_what.htm [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.25.08, 08:23 AM Flag
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Here: Do not ask your host or hostess if you can bring a date or your children. The invitation will be addressed to the people invited. If you may bring a guest, your invitation will read “Mr. John Phelps and guest.” If your children are invited, they will either receive their own personal invitations or their names will be listed under yours on the envelope. This is not the time to question your host’s decision, to argue or to beg for an exception. And, please, do not add their names to a reply card or show up with them anyway! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.25.08, 08:25 AM Flag
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EXACTLY, thank you!!! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.25.08, 09:16 AM Flag
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"The good guest is almost invisible, enjoying him- or herself, communing with fellow guests, and, most of all, enjoying the generous hospitality of the hosts". OMG. what is this -- the last supper. article is too pompous and stupid for my taste [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.25.08, 08:30 AM Flag
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its emily post. old fashioned, but at formal events etiquette should be mostly respected. Basically its code for "don't get drunk and start dancing on the tables" - and thank the hosts. Just read between the lines [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.25.08, 08:32 AM Flag
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no, you are misreading it. if it meant that, then there should be no issues with kids etc. it just promotes the "bride is goddess for today" fantasy that women like. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.25.08, 08:36 AM Flag
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I certainly don't believe the "bride is goddess for today" notion, but come on - guests should be polite and gracious and not bring uninvited guests along with them (whether it is a date or a baby - doesn't matter). The people throwing the wedding get to decide if kids are invited. End of story. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.25.08, 08:38 AM Flag
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You might RSVP with a note saying that you would love to come, but are unable to leave your new baby. If the couple wants the baby there, they will respond accordingly. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.25.08, 08:27 AM Flag
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but why would she be unable to leave her baby? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.25.08, 08:29 AM Flag
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Depending on where the wedding is in relation to where the OP lives and whether or not she is BF'ing it could be more or less difficult with a 4 m/o. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.25.08, 08:32 AM Flag
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true, but if the wedding is in her town (she doesn't say) she can pump and only stay for the ceremony perhaps, if really necessary. If its a good friend, you accomodate. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.25.08, 08:33 AM Flag
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Lots of reasons. Use your imagination. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.25.08, 08:34 AM Flag
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I can think of a few, but none are good enough to justify bringing a 4mo to a wedding when they weren't invited. 1) she cannot bear to be away from her child - in that case, she needs clinical help. 2) she can't afford a sitter - how about a friend, your mom, sister, etc. 3) she's bf - pump, or only go to the ceremony or part of reception [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.25.08, 08:40 AM Flag
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Perhaps she can't afford a sitter. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.25.08, 08:38 AM Flag
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I don't know, if i were the bride and received that note, I would assume the RSVP was a "NO" [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.25.08, 08:29 AM Flag
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me too [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.25.08, 08:30 AM Flag
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If it was someone important to me, I would try to accommodate them. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.25.08, 08:35 AM Flag
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Wow. I'm surprised this post generated so much drama! FWIW, I suggest just asking your friend. Perhaps she thought it strange to put a newborn's name on an invite but has no issue with the baby attending? Perhaps there are 60 small children in her family she doesn't want to have to pay for/manage at her wedding and so has a strict no child/baby rule for all? Just ask politely if you can bring db, making it clear that you will understand if she prefers not to have children at her event. Then you can decide whether you want a babysitter or are unable to attend. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.25.08, 08:38 AM Flag
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[ Removed by moderator ] [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.25.08, 08:41 AM Flag
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If you're close enough to be invited to the wedding you are close enough to ask. Honestly, this is SO not a big deal. Just phrase it politely -- "I know you have a lot going on right now with the wedding, so I hate to bug you, but I wanted to check in to see if I could bring db to the wedding. I completely understand if you are having an adults-only event, so please don't hesitate to say so if that is the case. I am looking forward to your big day!" [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.25.08, 08:48 AM Flag
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not really - many people are invited to weddings because they are acquantances/colleagues/friends who used to be close but aren't anymore/extended family. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.25.08, 08:49 AM Flag
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I think the question is whether or not you are close enough to the couple that they will be offended if you decline w/o giving a reason - sometimes that's the case and sometimes it isn't. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.25.08, 08:54 AM Flag
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My H and I were invited to a wedding in April, but not our kids. We went and had a great time. It was a formal, evening wedding. A few people showed up with children, and although this didn't bother me, there was a tiny part of me that felt like, "We made other arrangements for our children, why couldn't they?" [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.25.08, 08:58 AM Flag
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I think the answer is simply yes. However, i think you could be prepared to offer a compromise if she says no children are allowed at the ceremony. (I think that rule is silly- I had kids at my wedding, we spent a lot, and as far as I am concerned any little noises the kiddos made were just fine and the kids made my day more special). We went to a wedding in St. Thomas (we are from Atlanta) and we took our DD with us. DD was two months old and went to all events with us excet for the actual wedding. The bride was so lovley about our DD coming along but she set up a babysitter who was near the wedding site and DD and babysitter joined us at the reception. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.25.08, 09:07 AM Flag
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Years ago when my stepbrother got married he and his wife insisted on no kids whatsoever. My sister did not attend his wedding due to this, since she had an 4mo baby and it was across the country. Turns out two different guests showed up with babies w/o asking to the wedding. Not only was my step-brother completely pissed, my sister was annoyed that she didn't come b/c she was respecting his wishes but others didn't. Bottom line - you MUST ask to bring a child (baby or otherwise) to a wedding if not explicitly invited. Better yet, just leave the baby home. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.25.08, 09:30 AM Flag
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^^and I should add that the no kids was my step-brother's wish and he was incredibly pissed off. This is not just a "self centered bride" issue as many of the above posters would have you believe. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.25.08, 09:32 AM Flag
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ITTTTTTTA [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.25.08, 09:33 AM Flag
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Absolutely. You have no idea if the venue allows children. Further, if she knows you are bringing the baby, she can make sure that there is a high chair (ok not relevant for a 4-mo-old maybe but you get the point) or other accommodations. My wedding was kid friendly, and I still appreciated knowing how many babies would be there, etc. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.25.08, 09:54 AM Flag
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exactly. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.25.08, 09:56 AM Flag
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Clearly, people have conflicting ideas on the subject, but I'd like to add my two cents. Your friend clearly knows you have a 4 month old. I'm assuming she celebrated his/her birth with enthusiam. If she wanted you to bring the child she would have stated it in the invitation. I know bringing the child may seem innocuous to many, but it is in poor taste. What will indicate essentially, even though this is not your purpose, is total disregard for your host. Not a good way to accept an invitation. You never know how people will respond. If she has already told the others that children are not allowed, they may not only be upset that they had to leave their little one (because they were the suckers being considerate) but they may also lose respect for you too, knowing that you did it without her blessing. If, after all this, you still feel compelled to ask if you can bring the baby, ask indirectly and feel her out...ask if there are going to be baby sitters available (don't presume she will pay). and then maybe voice your concern about not being able to attend. Really. A lot of people don;t want kids at their wedding...regardless of whether or not you find this to be insensitive or unjust, it's their perogative and as a guest and especially as a friend, you must respect that or risk losing theirs. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.25.08, 10:27 AM Flag
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I agree. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.25.08, 10:47 AM Flag
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i think though that it would be nice if the bride arranged child care at the wedding site or somewhere else if she doesn't want to have kids there. i know that it may not always happened, but it would be nice. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.25.08, 11:29 AM Flag
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I did that for my wedding, but only for children of family members (as they were the only ones who had traveled from out of town for the wedding). If someone else had wanted to use the sitter they could, but no one did [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.25.08, 11:39 AM Flag
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what about State news there are two one on 72nd and 3rd and the other on 86th btwn park and madison - they have everything there and i bet they would have slinkies there - a whole section for party favors [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.25.08, 11:32 AM Flag
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sorry meant to add to other post - this thing is acting up [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.25.08, 11:32 AM Flag
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NO. If she were invited, you'd know. My dd WAS specifically invited to a wedding at 4 months. Not invited to a wedding a few months later. In poor taste to ask. Invitations are pretty clear (Mr and Mrs so and so OR Mr and Mrs so and so and Suzy OR Mr and Mrs so and so and family) and it's beyond rude to put someone on the spot. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.25.08, 10:47 AM Flag
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Thank you for writing this so I didn't have to. What is wrong with people? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.25.08, 01:06 PM Flag
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Anyone who would bring a kid - of any age - to a wedding to which they weren't specifically invited is an idiot. Would you bring a 2 year old, or a 7 year old? How about a 12 or a 17 year old if they promise not to eat anything? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.25.08, 11:38 AM Flag
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exactly. If they're invited fine. If not, leave them at home. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.25.08, 11:42 AM Flag
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Exactly! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.25.08, 11:58 AM Flag
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yes. definately. it's very rude to not ask. not all people want children at their weddings. i've been to many where the briede and groom would only allow "certain" children. i would be very upset if someone just brought their child w/o asking first. in most cases places do not charge for babies, but i have heard of some that do. you should def ask...it's their day. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.25.08, 12:08 PM Flag
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Haven't bothered to read much of the responses because so many. I had two children at my wedding - boy of ~3 and his brother of ~8 mos. The day was so so spectacular to me that even if they had cried out at the ceremony (which they didn't) I wouldn't have minded. Besides I have been to many ceremonies where the participants screw up, so a baby crying out is the least of the problems (and might even provide comic relief). Other parents chose not to bring their children, however, I made little favors for each child and had a toy for the 3 yr old. That said, I do think that it would be common courtesy for you to ask the bride about your baby. I'm sure she'll say yes and if not, then perhaps she [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.25.08, 12:35 PM Flag
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^^ is just a Bridezilla. (I had a blast dancing with the 3 yr old during the reception). [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.25.08, 12:38 PM Flag
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Not wanting uninvited guests at your wedding doesn't make you a Bridezilla. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.25.08, 01:18 PM Flag
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perhaps [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.25.08, 01:54 PM Flag
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Don't bring the baby. If she wanted to invite the baby, she would have told you already. If you can't get a sitter, then don't go or go by yourself and leave DH home with baby. I was married 2 years ago and had to tell someone that their kid wasn't invited. They just assumed. It was awkward but I can't believe the nerve of someone to just bring a baby to a wedding without asking! And if she allows your baby, then I'm sure she has lots of other friends with kids and then they will be pissed that they couldnt' bring their kids...... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.25.08, 05:45 PM Flag
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Our dd then 2mo was invited to her godmother and godfather's wedding. Even though she was more than welcome she was a distraction and was passed around from relative to relative. Unless she's specifically invited leave her home, it's the couples day. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.26.08, 02:06 PM Flag
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How is passing a baby around a distraction? Because not every single eye at every second is on the bride or groom? If it really is all just about the couple, then they should just go to city hall with a witness and a judge. Otherwise, [invited] guests are part of the equation, and socializing and cuddling babies and dancing with your SO and getting mushy is all part of it... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.27.08, 04:43 PM Flag
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Don't ask and don't bring. It's as simple as that. If you can't bear to leave your baby home, simply send your regrets and a nice gift. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.27.08, 03:17 PM Flag
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i don't know if the wedding is near you or not - but if it is out of town ask her if she has any suggestions for a babysitter for the wedding. that way she may even say, oh, you could bring your kid and you're not asking if your baby can come. or she will say - i'm working on getting a babysitter for the wedding or i know of someone that maybe able to babysit for you at the hotel. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.27.08, 03:37 PM Flag
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We didn't get to ask--Got a call saying no kids (5mo dd). It was a reception only, Haawain theme (reliving the Haawain beach wedding vows), casual, shorts, sundresses. Bride sang--yuck. Also requested cash gifts ON the invite. All in all... bad taste in my mouth. It was in east bumfuck NJ when all friends were manhattanites and had to rent cars as well as filling cards with CASH! super tacky, no? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.27.08, 06:50 PM Flag
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TTFW!!! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.27.08, 07:02 PM Flag
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of course [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.27.08, 07:14 PM Flag
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