UrbanBaby

07.24.08, 13:06 PM General Topics
24 replies

No bashing please, need honest advice that only UB members can give. Been with mate 3 years. He's married and been seperated 15 years, he has a son that just turned 21. His "estranged" wife has a live in mate and they have a daughter together. My mate and I have a 3 month old. We dont live together officially but he's never at his place. I've talked to him about getting the divorce going many times and he says he will but he has yet to start anything. I thought he may be waiting for his son to turn 21 so it would be easier because they could do a divorce with no minor children but his son turned 21 5 months ago and still no action. Do I mention it YET AGAIN or do I tell him to start staying at his own place until he commences action or what do you suggest? It's one thing to not be married and having a child and quasi living together and taking care of the child but a whole nother thing when you are doing that AND the father is married to another woman! [ Reply | Watch | Flag ]
General Topics 07.24.08, 01:06 PM Flag

Dear UrbanBaby community,

Thank you so much for being a valued member of the UrbanBaby community. We wanted to inform you that we are shutting down the site on July 6th. We are grateful for your participation and support that has helped make UrbanBaby such an important resource to parents for many years.

If you have any questions or concerns, you can email us at urbanbaby-support@cbsinteractive.com.

Thanks so much,

UrbanBaby Support

you lost me at mate [ Reply | More

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General Topics 07.24.08, 01:07 PM Flag

Maybe she's Australian? [ Reply | More

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General Topics 07.24.08, 01:10 PM Flag

lol...me and you both! [ Reply | More

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General Topics 07.24.08, 01:17 PM Flag

and a minor is under 18, not 25. Sounds like your "mate" is stringing you along [ Reply | More

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General Topics 07.24.08, 01:08 PM Flag

I think in NY the packages are for if you have children under 21 years old and if you dont. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 07.24.08, 01:09 PM Flag

ok. Still sounds like mate is stringing op along [ Reply | More

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General Topics 07.24.08, 01:09 PM Flag

Yeah I know what you mean but dont understand why since they have been seperated 15 years, she has a live in boyfriend and a 3 year old daughter....what is there to string along? [ Reply | More

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General Topics 07.24.08, 01:09 PM Flag

obviously your mate isn't ready to completely kiss his wife g'bye, mate! [ Reply | More

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General Topics 07.24.08, 01:10 PM Flag

Why did you have a child with him? [ Reply | More

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General Topics 07.24.08, 01:09 PM Flag

I love him, wanted a child and am getting closer to 40. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 07.24.08, 01:11 PM Flag

Okay, but you knew the status quo going into it--it doesn't make that much sense to change tack now. I mean, I get that it's not a good situation. But you chose to have a child w/ the guy. I don't get this thing of getting involved w/ a guy thinking you're going to change him. If he'd wanted a divorce he would have gotten one ages ago. He doesn't need to, so why should he? [ Reply | More

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General Topics 07.24.08, 01:29 PM Flag

he kept saying when his son turns 21.... [ Reply | More

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General Topics 07.24.08, 01:30 PM Flag

then ask him [ Reply | More

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General Topics 07.24.08, 01:31 PM Flag

So what do you want to do? If you want a siutation different from the one you got yourself into, then you'll need to change it--it doesn't sound like waiting for him to change it is working. If you prefer staying with him, then you get him as-is. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 07.24.08, 01:31 PM Flag

youre right. im gonna tell him i need time to decide if i want to deal with the possibility that he may stay married since he hasnt made any attempts to get a divorce so he should start staying at his own apt. maybe that will wake him up. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 07.24.08, 01:35 PM Flag

You should have demanded an answer from him three years ago. Why pay for the cow when the milk is free? [ Reply | More

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General Topics 07.24.08, 01:10 PM Flag

I guess I dont understand why he is staying married to her. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 07.24.08, 01:13 PM Flag

Because he and his estranged wife have a situation that works. Why pay legal fees etc, if the two of them are content. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 07.24.08, 01:17 PM Flag

I think you hit the nail on the head. So what should I do? [ Reply | More

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General Topics 07.24.08, 01:29 PM Flag

I wish I could help! It sounds like you need a counselor to help you figure out if you want to keep thing status quo or demand change. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 07.24.08, 01:42 PM Flag

thanks anyway :) [ Reply | More