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07.24.08, 11:30 AM New York City
46 replies
Some advice please. My DS goes to school and now summer camp with another male child who shouts at and occasionally pinches and hits my DS. We have ancouraged DS to stick up for himself and also complained to the school but the other kid's behavior continues. WWYD? [ Reply | Watch | Flag ]
New York City 07.24.08, 11:30 AM Flag
 

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I'd start shouting at and pinching the other boy. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.24.08, 11:48 AM Flag
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that's really helpful. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.24.08, 12:00 PM Flag
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op; don't think i don't want to. but i'd rather give DS some better ways of dealing with it. I feel bad for him; he is only 5. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.24.08, 12:01 PM Flag
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np: funny, I never have such aggressive feelings toward 5 yos or other children. I feel protective of my dc, but never aggressive towards others. Where do you people come from? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.24.08, 12:08 PM Flag
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Does this boy shout and pinch other children or only yours? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.24.08, 12:00 PM Flag
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A couple of other kids as well. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.24.08, 12:02 PM Flag
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np: Put the school on notice... "I will not tolerate this child repeatedly assaulting my kid next year." I'm not in favor of parents solving all their kid's problems but there comes a point where a five year old can only do so much without himself becoming violent. If the kid's parent(s) and teacher(s) aren't dealing with this, they need to. This ought not be op's ds's issue alone. And at this point I think OP has a duty to her son to intervene. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.24.08, 12:08 PM Flag
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calm down! we don't know very much at all about the situation. OP: please tell us more info. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.24.08, 12:10 PM Flag
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Quite the aggressive little boy. Have you or any of the other mothers whose children are his targets addressed this problem with his mother? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.24.08, 12:10 PM Flag
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op: yes, we have, and the other mother knows. but neither she nor her husband seems to want to do much about it. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.24.08, 12:12 PM Flag
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describe your dc. will help telling you how to help him [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.24.08, 12:08 PM Flag
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op: i have intervened. I have called the school repeatedly and complained, and also called the mother of the other kid involved. But the behavior doesn't stop. My DS is a very gentle kid, quiet and quite bright. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.24.08, 12:11 PM Flag
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what has the school done to intervenr? what have they told you about the situation? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.24.08, 12:10 PM Flag
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Do you know his parents? Perhaps mentioning to them in the nicest way possible? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.24.08, 12:10 PM Flag
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could we please hear more about the situation? perhaps OP's dc is bugging the kid, mocking him or something else. perhaps the school has intervened, and both kids just aren't able to get along. they may be best friends one day. op has to keep her cool. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.24.08, 12:12 PM Flag
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op: i don;'t think DS is bugging the otjer kid. The other kid is just made that way. He pushed one of the other DS's in the class down the stairs. He also has pushed over some of the little girls in the class. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.24.08, 12:14 PM Flag
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Sounds like this boy needs to be evaluated for a behavioral disorder [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.24.08, 12:33 PM Flag
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if you are taljking about my ds, let me just say that I have talked with the counselors and others at the camp. your dc does provoke my dc, btw. he is especially competetive it seems, and whenever he doesn't win or get his way, he bursts into tears and starts yelling at my kid. My dc is a nervous wreck around him, and has been acting out. We are trying to teach him how to deal with overly sensitive kids who can't stand loosing or if others don't see things their way. You need to teach you dc not to go ballistic everytime he is upset. it sets kids like mine on edge. there are always two sides to every story. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.24.08, 06:27 PM Flag
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^^^losing [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.24.08, 06:28 PM Flag
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Sounds like these two children should be seperated. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.24.08, 06:52 PM Flag
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agree. seems like a no brainer, especially if they attend the school, as well. at least for the upcoming year. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.24.08, 08:32 PM Flag
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sound like a similar situation in my ds camp. wonder if it's the same kid? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.24.08, 01:02 PM Flag
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How do you tell your DS to deal with the kid? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.24.08, 01:13 PM Flag
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Weve told him to tell the teacher or other counselors, tell the other boy to stop, move away from him. Not much has worked. Nothing has worked. My ds was getting really frustrated and acting out. Now he's sort of accepting it which disturbs me also. I guess these seem to always get their way. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.24.08, 01:58 PM Flag
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^^ I guess these kinds of kids always get their way [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.24.08, 01:59 PM Flag
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when you say your kid is acting out, what is he doing? Is he aggressive as well? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.24.08, 06:28 PM Flag
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he was, but now he's just taking it and getting really down about camp. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.24.08, 06:37 PM Flag
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when does camp end? maybe pull him early if he is that unhappy. camp should be fun. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.24.08, 06:48 PM Flag
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imagine if it was your son shouting and pinching. dont' make a big deal it may pass. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.24.08, 02:00 PM Flag
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NP and if I found out my son was shouting and pinching, I would be concerned and try to do something about it! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.24.08, 07:53 PM Flag
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yes, but this poster and the one from the other night seem overly concerned. ds is at a camp where a girl is bothering him. she throws his stuff on the floor yelling "put it away now" if he is slow to transition, etc. I have a tough kid, but he was sort of taken aback by this and demoralized because he knows we don't put up with his acting out. the counselor had them play some games together and that helped. then she was out sick. he told me she is back and he stays far away from her. I asked him if he tried to be friends and he responded "she'll think I'm weak, and then really be mean" 6 yo btw. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.24.08, 08:03 PM Flag
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lol! smart kid! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.24.08, 08:14 PM Flag
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np: high social IQ. OP could learn a thing or two from your ds! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.24.08, 08:24 PM Flag
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betcha anything the boy who hits/pinches has issues or trouble in his family life. I have a long story to back that up- just witnessed it at a bday party- and there was a very sad story behind the child's behavior. That said, it doesn't make what he's doing right. If I were you I'd steer my child away from that kid. Request a diff teacher if you must in the future. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.24.08, 02:01 PM Flag
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you again? didn't we answer your questions yesterday? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.24.08, 05:54 PM Flag
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the kid may not be able to help himself. work with your son on how to avoid interactions with the problem kid and give him phrases to use if the kid starts to act up. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.24.08, 06:07 PM Flag
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her kid is acting out also. if its the poster from before. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.24.08, 06:32 PM Flag
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np:I posted about a similar situation, but I'm not the op here. Either it's the same boy or there are two out there. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.24.08, 06:35 PM Flag
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poster above says her kid is being provoked by a kid who cries and makes a fuss when he doesn't get his way. stresses her kid out. is that yours? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.24.08, 06:43 PM Flag
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no, but my ds is in camp with a boy who provokes (hits, kicks and name calls) and then cries or makes a fuss when he doesn't get his way. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.24.08, 06:46 PM Flag
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and what does ds do? what has the camp told you? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.24.08, 08:09 PM Flag
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OP here: My main concern is that my DS doesn't resign himself to being on the receiving end of stuff like this. We tell him all the time that it is the other kid's issue, but how much can a 5 year old really understand? I have seen plenty of adults who still haven't got their heads around stuff like this. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.25.08, 07:47 AM Flag
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or: here's the issue I've been dealing with for the past couple of weeks of camp. There is a child frustrating my ds. For the first week or so my ds complained, behavior did not stop. Then ds started acting out, we disciplined and not ds's acting out has stopped, but the other child is still frustrating ds. He is now just taking it. In reality, there is not much he or I can do. The camp counselor can tell the other child to stop, but he does not. If my ds acts out, he gets disciplined. He's developing a sense of powerlessness which is typical when a child must deal with another child who is constantly difficult. Now, I am telling my ds to stay away from this child and if he does anything to him that he doesn’t like tell him to stop or go tell a counselor, that they are kids like this in the world that he is going to have to learn how to deal with, don't allow this child to get him into trouble, that the end of camp is near and we will be looking for another camp for next year so he doesn’t have to deal with this child again. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.25.08, 08:12 AM Flag
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con't-to stay away from this child and if he does anything to you that you don’t like, tell him to stop, go tell a counselor, that they are kids like this in the world, he is going to have to learn how to deal with them, not allow them to get him into trouble, that the end of camp is near and we will be looking for another camp for next year so he doesn’t have to deal with this child again. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.25.08, 08:13 AM Flag
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OP: thanks. it's very frustrating, isn't it. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.25.08, 08:26 AM Flag
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yes it is! have you thought about how you are going to handle school this year? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.25.08, 03:55 PM Flag
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