UrbanBaby

07.24.08, 10:20 AM General Topics
13 replies

My 5 1/2 yo daughter is making me insane. She hits, screams, says "too many rules too challenging", tells us we're the "worstest parents ever", negotiates everything, will distract her and calm her down and then...she'll say "but, how about just a little ____" and then repeats cycle. I see others like this, know it's a phase, that she continues to reach for control over her environment (which includes us parents) in ever more creative ways as her brain develops - but I have no idea how to help her learn to process her frustration and anger. Know we're not military type disciplinarians, but have always set boundaries,had rules, reward and punishment. What to do? [ Reply | Watch | Flag ]
General Topics 07.24.08, 10:20 AM Flag

Dear UrbanBaby community,

Thank you so much for being a valued member of the UrbanBaby community. We wanted to inform you that we are shutting down the site on July 6th. We are grateful for your participation and support that has helped make UrbanBaby such an important resource to parents for many years.

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UrbanBaby Support

^^^ and, this behaviour is at home with us - she's fine in playground, in pre-k, on play dates, camp, etc. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 07.24.08, 10:22 AM Flag

remember, you are the parent. plain and simple. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 07.24.08, 10:22 AM Flag

np: I'm sure she remembers this. But she needs help. Not all kids cope the same way and her DD is having a hard time. Sheesh. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 07.24.08, 10:25 AM Flag

You don't have a child within the 5 1/2 to 6 1/2 yo age-range, do you? [ Reply | More

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General Topics 07.24.08, 10:25 AM Flag

OP- of course, which is how she got no tv and a time out last night, but the whole thing went on for way too long, then she comes out of time out, apologizes, is fine, then I see that light bulb go on and she's back to asking for the thing we told her no, and cycle repeats - all right before bed, when she's already toast and only half in control. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 07.24.08, 10:25 AM Flag

I posted below (have the 6 yo ds) - I think it's hard with this age group because they KNOW we're in control and yet they WANT TO BE in control of EVERYTHING. It pisses my ds off to the inth degree that I say things like, "I'm the parent and you're the kid and I get to make the final decision!!" That's typically when he'll start slamming doors and telling me everything in his life is "stupid!!" [ Reply | More

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General Topics 07.24.08, 10:28 AM Flag

OP - thanks for all this, you at least made me laugh. DH and I thought we'd just lost our parental groove. I thought I was failing to teach dd to deal with her emotions. Thn occurred it might be a phase (especially when I saw one of her class mates hit another classmate!). Nice to know it's a phase and not just us. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 07.24.08, 10:33 AM Flag

Same thing we're doing ... let this phase ride out. Our ds is 6 yo and it's still the same - I'm hoping 7 is the magic number??! My ds's biggest thing that he does now is: we tell him "no" about whatever it is he's asking for and he goes in to his room, slams his door HARD, and starts throwing his stuff around. We leave him alone, pop a few Tylenol, and then - usually around 15 minutes later, he cools down and acts as though everything's alright. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 07.24.08, 10:24 AM Flag

6 y.o. DS is tough in this way. He actually said to me one night after he had a meltdown "but I want to be the one in charge." We are pretty firm w/ definite boundaries (and have always been that way). If he's behaving in a way that's making things tough for the rest of us, then we send him to his room until he can be civil. But I've also tried to give him a few things that he can be in control over. It's hard to come up w/ the right things, but giving him jobs or areas of the house he is the "master" of and responsible for keeping a certain way, that has helped with him. In quiet moments I try to talk to him about this, about his feelings. I think in his case he is doing a lot of separating he didn't do at a younger age and having lots of feelings about that. Stay calm and cool and do the best you can. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 07.24.08, 10:27 AM Flag

Oh, and out in the world he is absolutely lovely. Perfect behavior at school--I mean, a model student, very respectful, helpful, cooperative. That part gives me hope. I think he is very comfortable at home so he's working his "stuff" out here with us and not taking it on the road, so to speak. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 07.24.08, 10:31 AM Flag

My 6 yo DD does this! We fight daily--every little thing she contradicts me on--it drives me nuts. Not to mention it's tiresome. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 07.24.08, 11:11 AM Flag

OR. And like some of the posters above--she is perfect at school and at other parents' homes. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 07.24.08, 11:11 AM Flag

my 4.10 yo is exactly like this. i was hoping she would grow out of it soon,. guess we are in it for the long haul [ Reply | More

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General Topics 07.24.08, 11:38 AM Flag