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07.23.08, 10:57 AM General Topics
54 replies
Getting a divorce. DH fam gave us $100k for the downpayment on our house. Am I entitled to that? [ Reply | Watch | Flag ]
General Topics 07.23.08, 10:57 AM Flag
 

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did you buy a home with it? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 10:58 AM Flag
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are there kids involed? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 11:00 AM Flag
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1 ds, yes, we used it toward a home that we must sell now (in NY) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 11:02 AM Flag
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you split profits on home sale [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 11:03 AM Flag
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dh claims we must give back the $ to his fam and split profits on the rest. Does he have a case legally? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 11:04 AM Flag
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Was the $ given as a loan? any papers signed with family? are they asking for it back? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 11:04 AM Flag
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yes, the want it back. They claimed it was a loan for thier tax purposes, but I never signed anything involving a loan. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 11:05 AM Flag
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[ Removed by moderator ] [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 11:06 AM Flag
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I know, but he was abusive and his fam covered up the fact that he is bipolar, so I really dont care about them at this point [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 11:08 AM Flag
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[ Removed by moderator ] [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 11:09 AM Flag
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we have a baby, I will deal with them for the rest of my life [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 11:10 AM Flag
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you will if you choose to (some divorces end most contact with in-laws, it sounds like you're very bitter with them so I figured you would be the same) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 11:11 AM Flag
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not necessarily. they can see your dc during the times that your ex has custody. besides, this is just one more reason to give them the $$. they will make your life miserable if you don't [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 11:12 AM Flag
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have you been paying them back? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 11:11 AM Flag
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nope [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 11:18 AM Flag
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does he have siblings? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 11:22 AM Flag
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yes, one brother who has been living off the fam for 20 years [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 11:23 AM Flag
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[ Removed by moderator ] [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 11:33 AM Flag
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he may have. I never knew about a loan until now. ANything is possible with that fam [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 11:35 AM Flag
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Abusive and bipolar are two very different things. Signed, bipolar mom. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 06:04 PM Flag
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you are me- actually separated now from dh- also bipolar- very difficult- [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.24.08, 04:57 AM Flag
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I am an atty- [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.24.08, 04:59 AM Flag
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it will not ease relations- you are talking about people who held back info re: serious mental illness- if there are no documents, they have nothing to stand on- keep the $$, help make a new life for you and your dc. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.24.08, 05:00 AM Flag
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Offer to pay the gift tax for them to make it a gift. The first $24K would be tax free (assuming 2 of them made you the gift). Then pay the tax on the balance yourself. Maybe they will go for that? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 06:05 PM Flag
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he probably doesn't. but i'm not a lawyer. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 11:06 AM Flag
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you know that his family is only trying to hurt you by taking 50K from you. does he honestly expect you to believe that they are going to take his half, too? give them the $$, you are better off without the lot of them [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 11:10 AM Flag
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I know, but I need the $ for a dp on someplace to live with ds [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 11:19 AM Flag
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i know, believe me, i am not one of those people who underestimate the importance of $$, I am just saying that really, $50,000 is better spent getting these people permanently out of your life while you rent or move in with your family temporarily. i know it doesn't sound great, but you will have your half of whatever $$ is left after you sell your house. please listen to me, i know what i'm talking about. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 11:21 AM Flag
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btdt? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 11:22 AM Flag
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not divorced, but am caring for my ailing mil. anytime my sil offers to help financially, we hear about it forever and ever. it is just easier to take it on ourselves and deal with the financial issues it causes. i am sure that this will be true for you tenfold. these people want to hurt you, even if it means doing something that could harm their grandchild. i'm sorry and wish you luck [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 11:27 AM Flag
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honestly, just give them the $$ after you sell the house. this way you can be rid of them. they are wretched for wanting $$ back and you know they are only doing it to hurt you. i am sorry for you're having to go through this. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 11:08 AM Flag
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I'm not so sure that they are "wretched" for wanting the money back. If I had a son, and gave him and his wife that much money for a downpayment I'm not sure how I would feel about her keeping it (if they were to divorce). [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 05:59 PM Flag
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what does your lawyer say? please tell me that you have one. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 11:18 AM Flag
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the lawyer says I am entitled to half, but the fam "could have an argument there" [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 11:20 AM Flag
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[ Removed by moderator ] [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 11:23 AM Flag
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what do you mean? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 11:24 AM Flag
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or: that's what i thought at first but, from a lawyer's perspective, it is true that we (or at least I) try to give clients an indication of counter-arguments, particularly if it means the merits of my client's position wouldn't be a slam dunk. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 11:25 AM Flag
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okay, so what about custody? He doesnt have a shot, right, being that he is diagnosed bipolar and was hospitalized 13 years ago? Yes, I have just found all of this out in recent weeks. Lovely [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 11:27 AM Flag
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because of the general bias re bipolar, i don't think he has a shot. 13 years is a long time, though. even still, it was probably you propping him up all those years you were together. that is typical with bipolars. does he take his meds consistently? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 11:31 AM Flag
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He stopped taking his meds apparentley, which led to a recent episode characterized by paranoia and severe verbal abuse. Even on his meds, not so stable (4 jobs in 7 years, etc) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 11:33 AM Flag
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4 jobs in 7 years is not uncommon these days. Can you demonstrate that he was fired for being unreliable, violent, etc? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 06:09 PM Flag
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A bipolar diagnosis will not prevent him from getting custody. Particularly if he has not been disabled by his condition for a long time. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 06:07 PM Flag
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decide if you're willing to deal with hassle. are there other issues? i assume he is not seeking custody, but he could (it would be a loser) and that would be a hassle. how badly do you need the money? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 11:23 AM Flag
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he wont go for custody b/c he would lose, but I need the $ b/c dh will only have to pay $150 in child support [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 11:25 AM Flag
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then i would pursue the down payment. you have to think about you and the dcs now. don't talk about it at all with dh or with his family, via e-mail or otherwise. if they ask, simply tell them you can't talk about it per your lawyer's advice. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 11:28 AM Flag
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that's so sad. i'm sorry. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 11:23 AM Flag
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legally, if there's no paperwork, they are not going to get the money back and if the money was put into the house in joint name, then ex does not get it for himself. i've known 2 people to get divorced w similar situations and it was the wife's family who had given the money and the exh still got half the proceeds from the house. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 11:33 AM Flag
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that is good news. Thanks...and when my ds gets married, Im not giving any $. Lesson learned [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 11:36 AM Flag
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I totally disagree with the comments you should return the money to improve relations with inlaws. BTDT with problem inlaws and it won't help to return the money. If there were no loan papers signed then consider it a gift, and they can't force you to pay the 50k. GL with all. (BTW I am not an attorney but do have wealthy dh and I am totally familiar with "co-mingled" vs separate inherited $$. Without the paperwork, and given your dh co-mingled the money from his family with joint money (and with your combined asset) they have little to defend their position. The main point though is if you give in on this they will think you are some kind of pushover and they will continue to take advantage. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 08:00 PM Flag
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Depends on your divorce agreement. But if was a bona fide gift and not a conditional loan, you can probably keep it. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 06:03 PM Flag
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i would def not give it back. Your first priority is your ds, not some deceiving il. Plus do you really think that the relationship will magically get better because you gave them the money. highly doubt it. plus maybe your dh put them up to it, that way him and his parents could keep the money plus his part, which i doubt he would ever give back, and you end up with less money. no way. i wouldnt even think about it twice. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.24.08, 09:28 PM Flag
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It won't help your relationship with them, probably. He can barely help you at all financially. You need the money. Legally, you've got a much much stronger case than they do. So keep the money. I'd only give up the money in exchange for soemthing else I wanted from him/them. Sorry you're going through this. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.26.08, 07:51 AM Flag
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I can understand why they kept truth from you, although of course, it was wrong. They have one kid who can't leave home; this was a way to help the other kid succeed. And they could have rationalized that it was in the past. And they could have rationalized that it was not their place to tell you, but his, and they didn't want to get between you and him. And I can understand why they might want the money back - it was for him, not for you, and why would they give you so much money? If there wasn't a child, I wouldn't think they were wrong for wanting the money back. But since there is a child, he has a responsibility. And since he can't fulfill his responsibility, and they held back information that has put you in this positiion, they have a responsibility. In other words, they may indeed be evil, but I can't say that based on this information. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.26.08, 07:56 AM Flag
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Did they give you the money before or after you were married? Was it a gift or a loan? Was it a gift to both of you, or just him? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.31.08, 07:52 AM Flag
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