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07.23.08, 09:36 AM General Topics
12 replies
need advice: DH family lives in a different state we see them maybe once a year, but every year for my nieces and nephews birthdays I send a small gift and birthday card (because I want to and I want them to know who we are), when my children's birthdays roll around I maybe get a phone call or an e-mail. My MIL will sometimes call and ask what the kids want (about a week after their birthday!) and she sometimes get something and she sometimes doesn't. Is it okay for me to stop getting my SIL kids stuff? Can I just send cards now? I find this to be so hurtful especially when I know my MIL spoils my SIL kids but not mine [ Reply | Watch | Flag ]
General Topics 07.23.08, 09:36 AM Flag
 

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But you say you do it because you want to and because you want the children to know you...that hasn't changed. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 09:37 AM Flag
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well it's starting to change because I think I am getting a little bitter that my kids get no recongnition [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 09:39 AM Flag
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OP: I am kinda nervous that if I stop the gift giving they will be all gossipy and think I am mean without even realizing that they hardly do anything for my kids [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 09:42 AM Flag
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Maybe have a discussion about what was normal in dh's family growing up - did they always get presents from beloved aunts or was it primary family only? Diff families have different expectations. If you have made a point of sending presents, I'm sure the kids (if they are older) will notice & be disappointed. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 09:44 AM Flag
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sure - send a card. in my family we tend to send gifts for the first bday but just cards after that. i dont' get my feelings hurt about it at all. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 09:38 AM Flag
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You have to separate the kids from the adults. Do you want the kids to have presents? then go ahead and send them. Their getting presents is not conditional upon your kids getting reciprical presents. As to the adults ignoring your kids, well, people have lives and their may just be really busy. I know in my family "out of sight is out of mind". i.e. my father will get the kids presents for their birthdays if he is physically present but if he is not there for the party - no gifts get sent in the mail. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 09:39 AM Flag
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OP: good point I guess it comes down to the fact that I NEVER hear from MIL or SIL, rarely call me back, never thank me for kids gifts etc. I feel sad that they don't like me but my DH strayed from the religion and I think we are getting punished :( [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 09:44 AM Flag
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I would just stop trying so hard and if they want to be mean let them - they are obviously petty already [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 09:45 AM Flag
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that what DH says but it's still hard and I still feel hurt, we are even considering moving back to Seattle and I am nervous to be so close to them [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 09:46 AM Flag
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you can't let them affect you so much - it is pretty apparent they don't care that much about you or your dh or dcs. live and let live [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 09:48 AM Flag
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yes true, but I think that realization is the painful part...I am going to try to let it go! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 09:50 AM Flag
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So you are feeling deliberately kept at arms length? Then you really have to separate the kids from the adults and if you want to have a relationship with your nieces/nephews you are going to have to work doubly harder. That's only if you want your kids to know their cousins - if you don't feel it is worth it than it sounds like it would be easier to just drift away. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 09:48 AM Flag
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