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07.22.08, 17:27 PM General Topics
14 replies
Any SAHMs who used to by WOHMs find their marriages started to suffer when they began to stay home? I am going crazy and feel like my dh and I live on 2 different planets. He works long hours and is really only around on the weekends, and he also is about to leave on his third getaway with friends this summer. I am stuck at home with 3yo and 8mo. [ Reply | Watch | Flag ]
General Topics 07.22.08, 05:27 PM Flag
 

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Is it your marriage that is suffering or you? Are you jealous about his freedom? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 05:27 PM Flag
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OP: I guess I am jealous. I never get time to myself. He considers me going to the grocery without the kids or getting a haircut a sufficient way to make things even! I suspect he doesn't feel like we are suffering, but I do. I have talked to him about it, but it hasn't helped. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 05:29 PM Flag
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Yeah, it a whole new (sometimes crappy world). I make a poit of hiring sitters during the week so I have free time to. Don't ever expect a man to take care of you that way or to be considerate of your time like that - you have to do it for yourself. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 05:31 PM Flag
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OP: I have a sitter for 3hrs a week, but I do some freelance work then. Can't really afford more at the moment, but maybe I just need to tell dh I am taking Saturdays off and he can hang with the kids. I just worry he and I don't spend enough time together with each other and together with the kids. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 05:33 PM Flag
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Think of your life right now as a lifeboat. In order to be a good wife and mother you need to be a good woman first. Get out of the house on Saturdays until 1 pm - you will feel great and will be much better at your "job". [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 05:35 PM Flag
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It sucks that he is on his 3d getaway...not fair, why not insist on your own and let him spend some time with his kids [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 06:04 PM Flag
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You say you can't afford a sitter for more hours a week but how are DH's getaways paid for? At the very least, you get the next childfree weekend. Even better if you can find someone to watch the kids while you and DH go out together. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 06:30 PM Flag
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OP: good point. I think he thinks of me as a cost center. He is pulling it in and can spend it, I have to economize. Not fair. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 06:41 PM Flag
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3rd getaway doesn't seem fair to me. def. get sitter for a few afternoons each week. do things just for you. is he supporting an amazing lifestyle? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 06:33 PM Flag
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OP: no. in fact, we took a pay cut to move from NYC to what was supposed to be better lifestyle, more time for him with family, etc. but none has panned out. He is getting equity in new venture so could pay off eventually, but sucks for now. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 06:42 PM Flag
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not fair, dh gets a trip or two with his friends a year, he should be spending more time with the kids and you [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 06:45 PM Flag
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being a sahm has been tough on my marriage. i caved and hired a babysitter 15 hours per week starting in sept. i am going to do some part time work hopefully and even if not it will make me much happier, better mom and wife. there is no pricetag on that. cut something else out. it is soooo worth it. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 06:53 PM Flag
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I was terrified that my marriage would suffer when I left attorney position to be SAHM (moved out of state to start a new business). I was afraid my husband would not respect me as much if I "didn't do anything". I think I was projecting my own fears on him. It has been 3 years and we are happier than we have ever been. I get bored or lonely sometimes but all in all our life isn't nearly as crazy and stressed. We don't have nearly enough time together but the time is much more enjoyable and relaxed. DC love it. Oldest remembers what it was like when I was working and says that it is better to have me than nanny. (I cling to that when I am going a little loopy!) I do have it a lot easier than OP because they are in school so I get a little bit of a break (although not now because of summer!) Try to carve out sometime and hang in there. Is 3 yr old starting school soon? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 08:57 AM Flag
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did you relocate for his job. from ny to where? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 09:11 AM Flag
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