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07.22.08, 12:00 PM General Topics
33 replies
2 wks after giving birth and i feel awful....just this feeling of dread in the pit of my stomach. i feel so lonely and isolated and freaked out by the enormous responsibility, like this is all a nightmare but i can never wake up from it. i feel much better when i have a visitor or can get out of the house for any reason. but every time i do too much i get a fresh round of vaginal bleeding. i feel like things would be fine if DH were around during the day or a relative or something. But I'm lonely and isolated, with no family for thousands of miles. please tell me others feel this way and that it will pass!! [ Reply | Watch | Flag ]
General Topics 07.22.08, 12:00 PM Flag
 

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I was insanely happy for the 1st 2 wks when dh was around. but then he went back to work and I was alone and I was a MESS. All of your feelings are very normal, but if they dont get better on their own, or you continue to feel like this for more than a few weeks, please get some help, seek therapy, I did and I'm glad for having done it [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 12:02 PM Flag
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Many moms feel this way. I remember crying to a friend, "you never told me about this part". I was really down for at least 6 weeks. Anyway you can hire a sitter or mother's helper? Also, I know it easier said then done, but sleep when the baby sleeps. You do not need to accomplish anything right now except healing yourself and feeding/changing baby. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 12:03 PM Flag
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the first 6 weeks are like a boot camp. nothing can prepare you for them. nothing can prepare you for how your entire self-concept shifts - you will never again not be a mother. it's a huge transition and lots of hormones too. just when you think the sleep deprivation will kill you, db starts to smile. that helps you get through until 3 mos. then it gets better. can you join a new mom's group? also, if you are NOT EXPERIENCING ANY JOY in addition to all the challenges, then I would talk with your OB about possible post-partum depression. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 12:03 PM Flag
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I think most people feel this way, or a version of this. Your hormones are in free fall-- don't be surprised that you feel terrible!! I think 2 weeks was the absolute low point for me: lying on the bathroom floor crying kind of low point. And then one day, I think at about 4 wks postpartum, I felt better. You're right that sunshine and getting out will help you. And it may be that you will not "come out" of this, and you'll need professional help. At my six week visit my OB talked to me about how I was feeling, so that will be a screening visit for you probably if you don't feel better, but you can also contact him/her sooner. Be sure that you are getting plenty of sleep (can dh help with night waking?). The sleep deprivation seriously affects mood. take care of yourself, mama! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 12:05 PM Flag
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What do you think about the above poster who said I should at least be experiencing some joy along with the hard stuff? Sometimes I feel kind of neutral, but joy, no. Did you feel the same way? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 12:12 PM Flag
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this is the above poster again. just, fwiw, i am a psychotherapist. absence of joy is a huge red flag for depression, imo. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 12:18 PM Flag
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how do you feel when dh is around is it just isolatin or do you feel sad all the time? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 12:19 PM Flag
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i felt happy this weekend when he was around. i also went out to dinner with a couple of friends while he watched the baby, and i was very upbeat. but i was nervous about being alone with the baby when he went back to work. monday started out alright because a friend came over to visit in the morning. but by afternoon i had that painful feeling of dread in the pit of my stomach. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 12:23 PM Flag
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so basically....i feel WAY better when i'm distracted by friends, phone conversations etc. I was clinically depressed once, last year, and very little could provide relief. I've got a referral to a psychiatrist but am worried that all she'll do is prescribe some meds, and then I won't be able to breastfeed. Maybe it's too soon to call this post partum depression, when it could just be the baby blues? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 12:26 PM Flag
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you need to give your mind and body time to recover from childbirth. 2 wks post partum is NOT PPD. Give it another 2 weeks before calling anyone [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 12:27 PM Flag
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psychotherapist mom here: i take celexa and breastfeed and it has been fine. have to go, but will watch post. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 12:30 PM Flag
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I had the exact same thing with baby #1. Went on zoloft (though I do not like taking medications) for 9 months and it helped a ton. My hubby said he felt like he had his old wife back. BTW, I have had #2 and #3 since then with no problems at all. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 12:36 PM Flag
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can you get a post-partum doula to come over? can you afford that? also, a new mothers' support group? AND an evaluation for PPD? seriously, being exhausted and having moments of despair is one thing, but the absence of joy and the presence painful dread are something different. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 12:28 PM Flag
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i'm having trouble finding a new mothers group even though i live in brownstone brooklyn....do these normally cost money? i don't think i can afford a doula. maybe now that this heat has broken i can take the baby to the park and meet other parents. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 12:32 PM Flag
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join park slope parents [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 12:51 PM Flag
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i'm a member, but haven't met anyone through it....just look at the classifieds and read the digests. Haven't found any ways to meet people..... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 12:55 PM Flag
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new mothers' groups are usually free of charge - they have them at hospitals, churches/synagogues, etc. - sometimes pediatricians offices have info about them too. playgrounds are great places to meet other moms too. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 12:56 PM Flag
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Go to the local library for story time. There is a coffee shop near us in South Slope which had a story time, met and made a good friend there. The Brooklyn Museum has kids events as does the Brooklyn Childrens Museum. Think of them like singles events. -np [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 07:44 AM Flag
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or here: if you are truly feeling no joy, I would talk to someone. but, I will say the other posters are right about sleep deprivation - its gets to some people much more than others. I felt like I wanted to run away, or crawl out of my own skin, or give ds away to someone more capable, etc. We think all sorts of wacky things [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 12:19 PM Flag
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to be honest, I can't really remember if I felt joy or not. I do remember feeling overwhelmingly like: wtf just happened to me? My dh went back to work, and I was at home. With a baby. My life just turned on end, and I couldn't figure out a way to become this new person who had 24/7 responsibility for a child. But I think everyone probably feels these things differently, and a lot depends on your body make-up (how the hormones are affecting you, for example), your family support, your network of friends, etc. And it sounds like you are struggling to create a network, so that's hard too. Take it day by day, and I agree with the person above who said all you have to do right now is heal and feed/change baby. And you should absolutely seek professional help if these 'baby blues' don't lift. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 12:41 PM Flag
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i felt like this with #1 so wasn't expecting it. cried at everything fought alot with dh it was horrible for about 6 wks then it was great! with #2 all i felt was joy and pride that I created this beautiful boy! Remember you can't do everything and take pride in all the things you can do. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 12:07 PM Flag
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Call OB right away for referral. Post-partum depression is bad for you and your child!!! Too many women go untreated [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 12:23 PM Flag
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were you induced, by any chance? and is this your first baby? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 12:32 PM Flag
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not induced, and yes, first baby [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 12:37 PM Flag
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i had that with my first db. that feeling of dread in the pit of my stomach. i think it was exacerbated by the pitocin that i got. my suggestion to you would be, if it's too hard to get out b/c of the bleeding, hire someone to come on a regular basis and take your baby outside for a walk. if money is an issue, you can hire a teenager or college student. just so that you know you'll have that time on a regular basis. i went through a rough time and it took a long time to regain my equilibrium. be very analytical about what is making you feel bad and then take steps to prevent or avoid it. and don't be afraid to ask for help, either from dh or neighbors or friends or professionals. good luck. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 12:42 PM Flag
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Nursing helps many women to generate endorphins. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 12:43 PM Flag
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So common. I hate to say it but at least it's summer and you can get out. I ha 2 wk during the dead of winter. Regardless, it's isolating. If you feel better when out or with other people then do that. Invite people over, or get out. I still get out every day just for a walk and to see adult lifeforms. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 12:45 PM Flag
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also i have no appetite. the only time that ever happened to me was when i was depressed last year. but maybe that's also common with an ordinary case of the baby blues? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 12:50 PM Flag
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"An ordinary case of the baby blues" is post partem depression. See a professional right away [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 12:59 PM Flag
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please do not hesitate---call your OBGYN immediately and make an appointment. This is not at all unusual. Anti-depressants and/or therapy almost always works--it's usually a short-term treatment too. But do seek help. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 02:25 PM Flag
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WHen dh went back to work after 2 weeks, I just wept every morning after he left. I had looked so forward to db, and I just felt so overwhelmed. I saw a therapist short-term and it really helped - she told me to start to create structure out of newborn chaos - like, every day, make a plan to go out, even if it's just to the deli or the shoe repair store. And I started going to a new mom/baby group at the Y and met some neighborhood moms with babies the same age. It will get better! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 04:26 PM Flag
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My baby is now four months old and I have never been happier. The first month was the absolute worst. I did not feel joy at all. I kept telling myself I was never going to have any kids. Because your hormones are so out of whack this will soon pass just be strong and do not feel guilty about how you're feeling. The more you talk about it with people who love you the better your feel. Sleep deprivation definitely plays a role. Just keep your head up and remind yourself that it will soon pass. Congratulations! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 07:10 AM Flag
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Hi, [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 08:28 AM Flag
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