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07.22.08, 10:41 AM General Topics
41 replies
I know you all aren't going to believe me...but my therapist (a divorced, very attractive woman in her 40s) is, I realize suddenly, interested in my husband. I have told her every horrible thought and complaint about him. Anyone think this is possible? Or do you just not believe me? [ Reply | Watch | Flag ]
General Topics 07.22.08, 10:41 AM Flag
 

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^^ I have also, obviously, told her great things about him. She knows things about me I wouldn't tell my best friend... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 10:42 AM Flag
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How do you know? What happened to have you "realize" this? Are you being a little paranoid? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 10:43 AM Flag
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i don't think i am paranoid. i just know. it took me awhile to realize it. she knows it is wrong because she keeps telling me to stop talking about him (she also knows i am good at reading people) - but he is why i need therapy. i need someone to bitch to so i can go home and be sweet. I made the mistake of showing her a picture of him, too. i can't explain it. i am getting a new therapist. i feel as though she sees me as the problem, that she wishes she could save him from me. she has even suggested that i go see his therapist and he come see her. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 10:46 AM Flag
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maybe she should date his therapist. Seriously, you sound a little on the paranoid side. I think that is one of the things that you should be working on in therapy. Your suspicions sound loopy but by sharing them with her, you might be able to open a dialogue about your problems with trust, etc. Then you might actually get something out of therapy. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 11:12 AM Flag
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i've been in therapy for a long, long time and have had a number of different therapist (changing with moves) and did not have such problems with them. i know what i know... do you really think everything is so clean and simple? i am not saying she will act on it. i can tell though that she is biased and just wrong about a lot. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 11:16 AM Flag
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ittttta. OP, I don't know you or your situation or your therapist, but assuming that your therapist has the hots for your dh (based presumably on a photo of him, though you didn't answer below the question about whether or not she's met him, so maybe she has) as a way of excusing why she doesn't like you is really something you need to work on. With your therapist. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 11:32 AM Flag
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anything is possible. why do you think this? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 10:43 AM Flag
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anything is possible but more likely that you feel this way either because of your own issues with marriage or she's trying to point out the good in your dh to save your marraige [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 10:44 AM Flag
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i am not interested in trashing the marriage. and i tell her plenty of good things about him and bad things about myself. i can't explain it - it is the bias of our sessions. she sees me in a light that is unfair. i chalk it up to feminine competition. i am shocked by it - but i cannot explain it any other way. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 10:47 AM Flag
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^^^ i'm okay with it. it's crazy! - even a little funny. i'm shocked but uncomfortable enough to find someone else. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 10:48 AM Flag
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has she ever met him? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 10:55 AM Flag
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I'm sorry, but I don't think this is possible. I mean, anything is possible, but this seems highly unlikely. You should find a new therapist if you think this therapy is not going well, but what will happen if the new therapist "sides" with your husband too? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 10:59 AM Flag
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i'm not saying that she isn't struggling against it. i'm just saying that she is only capable of understanding people in terms of stereotypes. i have been stereotypes. my dh has (as someone who needs someone "better" - have you not met women who are like this? c'mon!). my mom, my brothers and sisters. she is just not GOOD at what she does. i cannot be with someone who can only see me in a neg light. it is my wakeup call that therapists are people, too, and to proceed with caution until you really get to know one well. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 11:04 AM Flag
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and a therapist should not constantly be siding against you. i mean constantly. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 11:06 AM Flag
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if she is a really good therapist and you are having these feelings then why not tell her how you are feeling and see what she says and how she reacts. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 11:08 AM Flag
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she's not a good therapist. i'm cutting my losses and quitting. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 11:09 AM Flag
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maybe that is for the best. but if it were me I'd be curious if i was right and I'd put it to her anyway. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 11:10 AM Flag
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and then i would report back to ub because that is a juicy topic. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 11:11 AM Flag
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What makes you think she is interested in him? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 11:10 AM Flag
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see above. Ladies of UB beware - therapists are all too human!!! make sure you get a good feel for the person before unloading. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 11:14 AM Flag
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You? Are crazy. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 11:18 AM Flag
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And you? Are dumb. Whatever.have you ever been in therapy? do you have no clue what it is like? they are people, too! but it is easy to forget.... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 11:21 AM Flag
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^^ my dad was a shrink so me, and all the members of my family have been in therapy for a long time. it's something we do to keep even keel. but it's full of holes and imperfection. like anything. like life. see everything in black and white at your own peril... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 11:24 AM Flag
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it's really weird that you, after all of your years in therapy, are now just figuring out that therapists are "people." [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 11:36 AM Flag
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good therapists are better at staying professional 100% (meaning not "people") [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 11:38 AM Flag
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but you really haven't described anything unprofessional that she has done. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 11:40 AM Flag
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i do not want to go into detail here. i reaaly domn't understand name-callers. you really don't know anything about it but you are so quick to call me names? what if I was really crazy or nutso? do you think it is helpful to call a crazy person names? i think that says more about you...there is something wrong with gratuitously cruel people... i am not hurt. not at all. I think you are all a goddamn riot. but if i was crazy, you would not be helping. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 11:44 AM Flag
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Right? No one even seems to be pointing out that she hasn't even met your husband. What does she do, start masturbating when you talk about him. Seriously lady, you are looney tunes. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 11:40 AM Flag
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good thing you are in therapy b/c you sound like nutso. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 11:37 AM Flag
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i feel sorry for the angry hags like yiou that hang around ub. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 11:39 AM Flag
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You clearly have a problem accepting criticism, evidenced by the fact that your therapist is "interested" in your husband because she doesn't always agree with you. I'm interested in him, too, I'm interested in knowing why he puts up with your insanity. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 11:44 AM Flag
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black and white. there is is again. incapable of understanding nuances. i am not saying she is ALWAYS interested in him. it is there sometimes - flashes of it. he is good looking, rich, etc. she is not going to act on it. she does not side with him. she does not even remember what i tell her properly. she just gets it all wrong too many times. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 11:48 AM Flag
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^^^ she is way too biased. not good at what she does. is that so hard to believe. you have heard of bad lawyers, bad doctors...but there is no such thing as a bad therapist? please. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 11:49 AM Flag
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you may be right but you have not described anything that she's said or done. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 11:58 AM Flag
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The best thing to do is dump her ASAP. Why should you spend your valuable time, and pay good money to get all tied up in knots with this person who is not even part of your life? If you must have therapy, go to a person who has a behavioral focus, just talk about the here and now, and for goodness sake, don't show any pics of your dh to the new therapist. DOn't tell her how much he earns either. MIL had an affair with her psychoanalyst back in the 60s when dh was little, he was trying to get her to leave dh's dad for him, she was the source of the $$$, she was 10 yrs younger than her dh, and I suppose she looked like a good catch. Just remember your therapist is human, and some of the most messed up people out there are the therapists. That is what drew them into the profession. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 07:13 PM Flag
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guess what: i believe you. switch therapits! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 06:03 AM Flag
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I believe you too, although even if I didn't, I would still tell you to switch therapists because your current one is obviously not helping you. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 06:23 AM Flag
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The reason people think your post sounds crazy is because you are saying that your therapist is interested in your dh, whom apparently she has never even met. Is that possible? It is entirely possible that she is siding with him and thinks you are the problem in which case you should find another therapist, but still not sure why you are focused on the perception that she is interested in him. That seems like a weird conclusion to draw just based on a feeling. She is crazy if she is really interested in someone she's never met. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 06:42 AM Flag
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therapists are people, too. NObody is a saint. I'd say go with your instincts [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 06:46 AM Flag
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I disagree that she is 'crazy if she is really interested in someone she's never met'... she knows everything you've told her about yourself, your family and your DH. I used to know a woman whom had moved from LA on a separation agreement. She confided in me about everything; and I was too young to respond (23) so I just listened. Well, by the time I was finished listening 8 months later... and heard all the ins and outs... knew her very well, what I disliked or agreed with and how I would have acted in similar circumstances... I met him. I liked him very much. And I dated him. 13 years later we are married with children. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 11:03 AM Flag
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Do you trust your husband? If you two are okay in that department I would talk to him about your feeling. He may tell you to dump her. You may find out more about him. You may find new respect (or the opposite) once you confide in him... As well, if you are afraid he would go that direction with another woman you should also talk with him about your thoughts. The candid conversation could settle your anxieties and help you to make some important decisions that would ultimately dissolve some of your unsettled feelings so that you may move forward. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.23.08, 11:12 AM Flag
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