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07.22.08, 06:16 AM General Topics
32 replies
I need to vent - I have a very overbearing MIL who over steps boundaries constantly. she is also very passive aggressive. she babysat the other night and while we were gone, put photos on our fridge of DH's illegitimate niece (who she is very insecure about). I am totally annoyed by it b/c again, she does not respect people's (mainly my) boundaries. its one thing to leave pics on the coffee table for us to have but putting them on the fridge I think is very intrusive and passivea aggressive. why can't she back off?!?!? [ Reply | Watch | Flag ]
General Topics 07.22.08, 06:16 AM Flag
 

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What does your DH say? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 06:17 AM Flag
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why is putting them on the fridge a big deal? not snarking, just asking. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 06:25 AM Flag
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op: b/s its not her home. would you go to someone's home and put pics on their fridge without asking them? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 06:35 AM Flag
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^^b/c [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 06:36 AM Flag
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a good friend of mine pu tpics of dd she'd printed and put in a refridgerator magnet on our fridge. i found it very thoughtful. it was left as a surprise, so she also didn't tell me. clearly this has larger implications in your relationship with your MIL [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 06:39 AM Flag
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op: I think its different when they are pics of your own child as opposed to someone else's. as I said, my MIL is very intrusive. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 06:41 AM Flag
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so this is more about her other intrusions than abotu pics on a fridge. putting them there is easy to undo. if she had painted something in your house. or put a frame in your bedroom with these pics, i might feel differently. but your upset isn't just abt these pics. it's about something else. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 06:43 AM Flag
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op: yes, didn't we already establish this? I'm upset b/c she does crap like this ALL THE TIME! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 06:52 AM Flag
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Don't play. Just take them off and toss them. No need to battle. So, the pictures were on the fridge for 3 hours, big deal. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 06:17 AM Flag
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Or I suppose you could be direct and honest and say, "MIL, please don't decorate my home anymore. You are free to put anything you wish on your fridge, but mine is off limits to you - ok?" [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 06:19 AM Flag
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op: you're right - I just don't want to deal with getting into a discussion/fight whatever with DH about it. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 06:20 AM Flag
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dh has nothing to do with it. He did't put the pictures there and it most likely doesn't bother him. This is a territorial war between you and MIL [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 06:21 AM Flag
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seeing that the territory is op's house, mil needs to back off [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 07:02 AM Flag
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np: the big deal is MIL being disrespectful of op's privacy and space in many ways. it really begins to get to you. i speak from experience. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 07:01 AM Flag
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Very annoying - but be passive aggressive back and just take the pics down. No neep to be confrontational about it. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 06:28 AM Flag
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I don't see where taking the pics down falls under p/a. Taking them down and putting them up on MIL fridge the next time you visit is p/a. Taking them down is nothing more than taking them down. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 06:31 AM Flag
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When MIL visits next time and sees that the pics are no longer up it will probably annoy her. I consider it p/a because it avoids the confrontation with the MIL. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 06:35 AM Flag
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are there no choices between p/a and confrontation? Just pleasantly tell the woman she overstepped the boudry and move on. Perfectly healthy and appropriate response. NOT everything requires a psych degree. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 06:49 AM Flag
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Everytime my mom visits whe moves things around puts new nicknacks on the shelf hangs curtains. She is nice to come and help so I just let it go. If I like what she does I keep it if I don't I change it and tell her dh and I didn't like it. it sometimes bothers dh but he is also happy we have her to help. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 06:42 AM Flag
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its different when its your own mother. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 06:53 AM Flag
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do people really still refer to children as 'illegitimate'? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 06:52 AM Flag
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I was wondering this too... though I did just find out i have an illegitimate cousin I never knew about (for 30 years!) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 07:03 AM Flag
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why are so many mils like this? so obnoxious. send her the photos and tell her she left them at your house. no more baby sitting for her. hire someone and there will be no strings attached. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 06:57 AM Flag
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op: ha! this was the best response - thank you for making me smile! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 06:59 AM Flag
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WHY must you address an innocent dc as ILLEGITIMATE? This one thing in your post is more annoying than some pics on your fridge that you can take off. What did this dc do to you? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 07:12 AM Flag
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you are totally missing the point [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 07:19 AM Flag
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Actually I think she got it perfectly. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 08:17 AM Flag
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My MIL tried to decorate my home when we first moved. I packed up all of the items in a box and told DH to give them back to her. She put up old pics of their family in frames all over the place! I love DH, but I don't need their family picture from 1980 in our living room! I know it totally pissed MIL off when she was given them back, but it's my house. I told her we have plenty of family pics already and want to start our own collection!! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 07:58 AM Flag
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I think sending back family photos was cruel and b--tchy. Clearly she just wanted to make sure her son remembered her. I would've at least kept them in a box, or if I didn't like the frames, reframed one and put it in the house. You sound mean! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 09:12 PM Flag
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I think you're overreacting...at least in this instance [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 08:07 AM Flag
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I don't. I have a MIL just like that. I know EXACTLY what you are dealing with. BTW, what is the difference between inlaws and outlaws? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 08:14 PM Flag
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Outlaws are wanted. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 08:15 PM Flag
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