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07.21.08, 19:16 PM General Topics
15 replies
btdt moms: how do you handle kids being mean to each other? in my situation, i have 3.5yo identical twin dds. we were at a bbq this weekend and my one dd formed a 'club' with the host's dd. the two girls told my other dd that she couldn't play (her own sister yelled at her to go away), and i felt awful when she burst into tears and came running over to me. i'm not sure how to handle this since i was an only child growing up. any advice would be appreciated! [ Reply | Watch | Flag ]
General Topics 07.21.08, 07:16 PM Flag
 

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Wow, my knee jerk response is to take your mean daughter away asap for a good long time out. How hurtful. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.21.08, 07:17 PM Flag
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i know! i gave her a timeout and talked to her about it, but i'm not sure what to do going forward - it was horrible to see my own children turn on each other. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.21.08, 07:19 PM Flag
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I think reply below is a good place to start. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.21.08, 07:20 PM Flag
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I have two girls, 7 and 5, and "clubs" include everybody or no clubs. I call it what it is: mean. No meanness. You don't have to include your sister in everything, but you can't deliberately exclude her. For 3.5, maybe say everybody has to play together and suggest a game that needs more people. London Bridge is a good one for three. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.21.08, 07:18 PM Flag
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thank you. what do you do when you find one dd excluding the other? i wasn't sure what to say to the host's dd, since they're work friends of my dh. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.21.08, 07:21 PM Flag
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I'd tell the "in" dd that she would have to tell "host" dd that she had to quit the club unless it included anybody who wanted to join. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.21.08, 07:36 PM Flag
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I have 5 yr old twin dds & one of the tough/best part of twins is that they learn the hard lessons about sharing and excluding way before other kids. Most schools deal with "clubs" starting in K where they say exactly what the poster above did - no clubs allowed that exclude somebody, you can't not let somebody join. You wouldn't have let one dd be mean like that in your own house, you were just thrown by dealing with the host's child too. Now that you have had a talk with both your dd, the next time this happens you can simply say to your own child "that is not allowed". You need to have a few pat phrases that you trot out once a day that they understand instantly "be nice" & "family shares" are big ones here & my dd understand the subtext that the consequence of not listening is a timeout or toy taken away. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.21.08, 07:46 PM Flag
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It just occurred to me how ironic it is that you are asking us what to do about mean kids. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.21.08, 07:48 PM Flag
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why? cos we're mean moms? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.21.08, 07:54 PM Flag
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My ds is mean to my dd at times but they are 5 years apart. I usually talk to my ds about his behaviour and sometimes there is punishment involved. I think it is important to teach siblings to stick up for one another and that they shouldn't be the cause of their sibling's hurt feeling - particularly when there is other people involved. That said - you also need to give each dc a chance to make their own friends - e.g., if someone invites one of your dds to a playdate - you shouldn't insist they invite the other too. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.21.08, 08:32 PM Flag
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I don't have anythong more insighful to say, but I have b/g 3.5 twins & they mostly get alongexcept when he gets frustrated & hits her. It is big sis (4.5), who forms a girl's club & leaves DS out. Big sis seems to know or want to be meaner & exclusive than twin DD. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 12:01 AM Flag
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Best advice is to stay out of it. All children go thru this. Its a way to learn. Parents are far too involved in their childrens social lives. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 05:55 AM Flag
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No, not when they're 3.5. Older, I would agree with you, but they're too young and need to be told that it's not okay to act like this. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 07:17 AM Flag
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When it's just my two (6 & 2) I first see if they resolve it w/o any intervention on my part. If it's not happening I send them to their rooms for a few minutes to cool off, then put them in their shared bathroom and tell them they can come out until they've worked it out and hugged it out. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 06:11 AM Flag
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A great book toread that may help you in years to come is called "Siblings Without Rivalry". It is very helpful. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.22.08, 06:25 AM Flag
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