UrbanBaby

07.21.08, 12:35 PM General Topics
25 replies

Thinking about TTC #1... dh's dad has terminal cancer and though he is doing quite well atm, there is no way of knowing what will happen in the near-ish future. So far, since his diagnosis 8 months ago, he's been in the hospital half a dozen times with infections or minor procedures, in addition to his regular chemo weekly (which is outpatient of course). My question is, would it be very bad for me to get pg at this time? Anyone BTDT? Really difficult topic to discuss with the family, of course. [ Reply | Watch | Flag ]
General Topics 07.21.08, 12:35 PM Flag

Dear UrbanBaby community,

Thank you so much for being a valued member of the UrbanBaby community. We wanted to inform you that we are shutting down the site on July 6th. We are grateful for your participation and support that has helped make UrbanBaby such an important resource to parents for many years.

If you have any questions or concerns, you can email us at urbanbaby-support@cbsinteractive.com.

Thanks so much,

UrbanBaby Support

Your life goes on [ Reply | More

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General Topics 07.21.08, 12:36 PM Flag

sorry? I don't understand your response [ Reply | More

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General Topics 07.21.08, 12:40 PM Flag

I think OR means that you shouldn't plan your life around others that much. Do what you think works out for you. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 07.21.08, 12:54 PM Flag

the thing is, this cancer is very life-consuming - dh and I live in the same place as his parents and any time there is a problen we are there. It is not easy, and I wish for so many reasons things were different, but it does pretty much take over our lives, especially when he is in the hospital. Just don't know how dealing with that while pg would be [ Reply | More

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General Topics 07.21.08, 12:56 PM Flag

so this is a situation only you know how to deal with. Nobody here will be able to really help you. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 07.21.08, 12:57 PM Flag

I was just wondering if anyone here had experienced caring for a very ill relative while being pg [ Reply | More

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General Topics 07.21.08, 12:58 PM Flag

haven't btdt, but don't see what the problem would be. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 07.21.08, 12:41 PM Flag

I'm sorry your FIL isn't well - I lost my mom to cancer and it really just sucked. That said, I wouldn't let his schedule guide yours. If you are ready to start a family, don't put it off. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 07.21.08, 12:42 PM Flag

I guess I'm just worried about being pg and having to spend lots of time in the hospital with fil... whenever he is there we're there all the time, and I'm the one who usually ends up keeping everyone else going. I'm worried that if my pg is hard I won't be able to be the one who is "there" for everyone [ Reply | More

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General Topics 07.21.08, 12:45 PM Flag

Only you can answer this. And mostly I think it has to do with you> It will be nice for the family to have a happy occassion to celebrate. it will give FIL something to "live for" but it may taint your DH's and your happiness over having your first child and if you or your DH are very focusd on Fil's illness, it may take away your ability to focus on you new baby. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 07.21.08, 12:50 PM Flag

thanks... those are pretty much my fears. DH very much wants to start trying, I think in part to give everyone something "happy", and also to help him cope with losing his dad. Personally I think it might not be a bad idea to wait a bit, but again, I don't want to be "waiting for him to die"... fwiw, I was born 3 days after my grandfather died and my mom became PG while he was very ill... I'm sure my birth was helpful for my mom and grandmom, but my family is very different from dh's [ Reply | More

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General Topics 07.21.08, 12:52 PM Flag

np. if you and dh are ready to start a family then do. Being pg will not stop you being around for FIL. A newborn would take more juggling but still possible unless you live a long way away. GL [ Reply | More

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General Topics 07.21.08, 12:57 PM Flag

we live in the same place (NYC) and spend a lot of time with his family. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 07.21.08, 12:57 PM Flag

Go for it. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 07.21.08, 01:04 PM Flag

thanks. Think we might start ttc in Sept/Oct [ Reply | More

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General Topics 07.21.08, 01:04 PM Flag

I think it would be a gift, a bright light, a happy happening. A baby will only bring joy, especially to fil, even if he doesn't live to meet db [ Reply | More

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General Topics 07.21.08, 12:54 PM Flag

I agree, and you don't know timing wise how anything will play out. TTC and see what happens. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 07.21.08, 02:03 PM Flag

Thanks. I guess the stress of everything is making me MORE stressed about TTC.... we'll see what happens [ Reply | More

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General Topics 07.21.08, 02:06 PM Flag

my mil is very ill and db has been a tremendous bright spot for everyone in the family. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 07.21.08, 12:56 PM Flag

thanks. how was it dealing with pg/birth/early days with her illness? [ Reply | More

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General Topics 07.21.08, 12:56 PM Flag

my father got sick and died in the first few months of db's life. it was difficult to be tired/dealing with new parenthood at that time, but also so wonderful to have db to distract, talk about w/my mom, etc. You wouldn't believe how something like baby's first tooth can lighten your load when someone is dying. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 07.21.08, 12:58 PM Flag

I'm sorry to hear about your father. Thank you for your advice. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 07.21.08, 01:05 PM Flag

My father was going in for cancer surgery and he tells me that findout otu that we were expecting (his first gc) made the whole experience so much better - something positive to think about, etc. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 07.21.08, 02:14 PM Flag

I got pregnant with my ds when my father was in an advanced stage of cancer. He died one week after my child was born. It gave him something to feel good about, that life was continuing through me, his daughter. I didn't care for him, my mother did. We visited a lot and talked on the phone. I am sad that my father never knew my son, but I know it comforted him to know he would have a grandson [ Reply | More

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General Topics 07.21.08, 02:26 PM Flag

^^ When I say I didn't care for him, I mean I didn't take him to the doctor or do the hard medical type stuff because I lived in another state. I did care for him emotionally. If my DH and I had had to take care of him ourselves, that would have been tougher. I was tired a lot through my pregnancy and I had to work up until the last two weeks [ Reply | More

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General Topics 07.21.08, 02:28 PM Flag

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