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07.21.08, 11:50 AM Toddler
18 replies
Having a problem with my 7 year old son. Whenever we are at someone's house and it's time to leave, he doesn't want to leave. We chase him all over and tell him too many times to say goodbye. The other night he kicked my husband. I told my husband to pick him up. He did and then my son was screaming. My husband yelled at him in front of everyone. I then told my husband you should have done this behind closed doors. Any suggestions on what to do with my son to get him out of people's homes? [ Reply | Watch | Flag ]
Toddler 07.21.08, 11:50 AM Flag
 

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have you tried 10 minute warning, 5 minute warning, etc [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.21.08, 11:54 AM Flag
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Yes, does nothing. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.21.08, 11:56 AM Flag
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we had this problem with my dd. (she was younger thought). warn him beforehand that you are going to tell him only once. if he doesn't come, then he won't be able to play there again. be firm. if you have to pick him up to cart him out there, do it. it'll only take one or two times before he realizes you are serious. i also told a story about when i was a little girl, i had a friend who always cried when it was time to go home and no one wanted to play with her. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.21.08, 11:56 AM Flag
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I ahve told him the same kind of story. I am also afraid that if we picked him up like my husband did. People would think we were mean parents. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.21.08, 11:58 AM Flag
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it doesn't matter what people think. it matters what is effective. a nd if it's effective, you won't have to do it that often. cancel the next playdate if he doesn't leave properly. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.21.08, 12:00 PM Flag
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I had a talk with him this morning and told him that if he hits or doesn't listen next time, ther will be no TV or Xbox or Wii for 2 days. Lets see! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.21.08, 12:03 PM Flag
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i don't like that idea. it's not a punishment to make him miserable. it should be a punishment to fit the action. the point is that that is not acceptable behavior for visiting other people. and therefore he will not be allowed to visit other people unless he can behave. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.21.08, 12:05 PM Flag
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np: the point is that this is completely unacceptable behavior for a 7 y.o.! unless he has special needs this is behavior that has gone on way too long. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.21.08, 12:17 PM Flag
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ita. the question is how to deal with it. and i don't think choosing a random punishment is really teaching the lesson. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.21.08, 12:19 PM Flag
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kids appreciate consistency (even if they do not recognize it). Be firm. I see nothing wrong with DH yelling in front of others if DS kicked him. If DH didn;t you would probably leave the house and everyone would say, "they need to get control of that child." Don't give warning without true consequence. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.21.08, 12:03 PM Flag
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This is true. My kids lose privileges if they misbehave. it is really late for this concept but better late than never. If he doesn't leave when you tell him he needs to know that he cannot go over to someone's house. You need to get a hold of this now because it's only going to get worse. GL [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.21.08, 12:08 PM Flag
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np: the problem with that is the punishment is too removed from the behavior you are trying to exterminate. Put a toy he loves in the trunk of the car. When you get to the party, explain, "I'm going to tell you when it is five minutes before we leave. If you do X, Y and Z you can play with Polly Pretty Pants on the ride home." If he doesn't, when you get to the car, PPP goes in the trunk. Repeat with whatever toy is his current focus. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.21.08, 12:14 PM Flag
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that's fine for a 3 year old, but this child is SEVEN. By 5 years old the punishment does not have to be contemporanious with the bad actions. They are old enough to get the connection. certainly a 7 year old is. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.21.08, 12:21 PM Flag
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The text books on behavior modification all tell you to keep the punishment as close to the behavior as practical. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.21.08, 12:26 PM Flag
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well, I am no textbook, but I know with my 6 year old, taking away the computer for a week works wonders. All week long she thinks about what she did when she sees the computer and can't play on it. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.21.08, 12:34 PM Flag
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You are chasing your 7 y.o.? This is not ok. Give him a 5 min warning and then if he is not in the car when you say, ground him. I haven't chased one of my kids since they 2 y.o. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.21.08, 12:10 PM Flag
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Partner with him-- empower him by coming up with a solution that works for all of you, with his input. Empathize with him about not wanting to leave a place where he is having a good time. He is a human being, not a collection of "behaviors". This is the only thing that "works" in the long run. Rewards and punishments don't. And, if your husband yells at him at home like you wanted (?), home will be that much more a place he doesn't want to go to. Sad. The parenting advice on UB is so bad! (My Way Or The Highway, Kid!) I hope you find something that works for *all* of you and preserves your son's dignity, gl... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.21.08, 08:40 PM Flag
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We had this problem with dd a few years back (and she was 6 or 7). Basically, playdates just became a huge drag, so we talked about it and I said that if she did that again there would be no more playdates for a few weeks until she was ready to leave properly. She pulled the same crap the next time and we just stopped playdates for 3 weeks. When she started up again, I reminded her beforehand what happened, and the problem cleared up. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.21.08, 08:48 PM Flag
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