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07.18.08, 17:59 PM Newborn
59 replies
i posted several times the past month or two about my dh leaving me for the nanny...he recently told me that he would be up for trying to see waht it is like between us. i damn near killed him. i can't take this anymore. he is living with her and he thinks i will fall back in his trap. i dont get what he wants. [ Reply | Watch | Flag ]
Newborn 07.18.08, 05:59 PM Flag
 

Dear UrbanBaby community,

Thank you so much for being a valued member of the UrbanBaby community. We wanted to inform you that we are shutting down the site on July 6th. We are grateful for your participation and support that has helped make UrbanBaby such an important resource to parents for many years.

If you have any questions or concerns, you can email us at urbanbaby-support@cbsinteractive.com.

Thanks so much,

UrbanBaby Support

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he sucks and so does the nannny [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.18.08, 06:01 PM Flag
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C'mon we told you this was coming. Think strategically not like a girl. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.18.08, 06:02 PM Flag
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66 but I am glad you wrote in, lots of people here have been wondering about you and hoping you are ok-ish [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.18.08, 06:07 PM Flag
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i truly truly appreciate you all - i took a little vacation with my kids to visit my brother in california and did a lot of soul searching [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.18.08, 06:11 PM Flag
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oh i want nothing to do with him - he plans on staying with her if i say no - she s the fool [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.18.08, 06:09 PM Flag
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Believe me, he won't stay with her. Once the thrill of forbidden fruit expires (any day now) and the financial and practical reality of what his life will be like shacking up with a veritable teenager he will be out of there. Where he goes is up to you. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.18.08, 06:16 PM Flag
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he wont be back here i promise. i am actually considering getting a new house - i [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.18.08, 06:20 PM Flag
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^i've been slowly browsing, but i dont want to uproot the kids like that too soon [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.18.08, 06:20 PM Flag
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Objectively speaking - are you certain he is out? Is there any way you could work through this horrible betrayal...and come out on the other side together? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.18.08, 06:29 PM Flag
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i could never - he started a serious relationship before we are even divorced, too much betrayal and lack of trust at this point, i could never get back with him [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.18.08, 06:33 PM Flag
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I am so not defending him believe me. But he did not have a relationship, he had a few sneaky fucks with a little girl. Just saying to call it was it is. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.18.08, 06:36 PM Flag
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well, it was far more than a few - and they are living together now - for my children's sake i'd rather consider it a relationship at this point rather than saying hey kid's daddy and his fuck buddy are going to pick you up today [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.18.08, 06:53 PM Flag
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Did you like him before? What was your marriage like? I can't believe you didn't sense something, NOT FLAMING, just asking, when you look back now, do you see signs of the affair? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.18.08, 06:40 PM Flag
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nothing that was a huge red flag - the two were always very friendly, but she was our nanny so i would hope my dh got along with her. i was totally blind to the entire affair because i was so confident in our marriage and i had no reason not to trust him. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.18.08, 06:49 PM Flag
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I also remember him saying he wanted to have more kids asap and you were a bit hestitant becuase yo already have 2 and one is still a baby. Is she pregnant and did you ever confront her? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.18.08, 06:58 PM Flag
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i havent confronted her because it isnt going to change anything - especially if she is pregnant and winds up giving birth to a half-sibling for my children. i honestly think she is, but it could be my imagination in over-drive. she has been wearing lots of long flowy dresses and pulling a jennifer garner lately - but then again, that stuff is in style now. i try not to think about it until i have an answer. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.18.08, 07:02 PM Flag
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I think that is a good attitude to have, I mean if you wanted to say something, obviously you have the right, but true it's not going to change anything. I'm sure she feels disgusting about herself. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.18.08, 07:14 PM Flag
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it's just so hard with the double-betrayal, i was so close to her and felt like a big sister and then for her to steal my husband - i like to think she feels incredibly guilty for doing this to my children and i [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.18.08, 07:20 PM Flag
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well, look, she made a huge mistake and she is very young. I pray she is not pregnant. But really, I totally blame your husband, sorry, but she's a teenage nanny! Anyway, you sound like you are doing great. Have you thought about screwing his best friend, I really think you should, if he's not married! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.18.08, 07:23 PM Flag
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i try not to blame her entirely since she is young, but it is hard to keep her out of it. i hope she isn't pregnant, but my gut tells me otherwise. his best friend is actually quite single, but i doubt he'll be getting any from me ;) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.18.08, 07:33 PM Flag
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honestly, you should ask him straight up if she is pregnant - if you feel so strongly you are probably right. you deserve to know the truth since you are still married to him and this child will be a sibling to your kids. he owes that much to you [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.18.08, 07:38 PM Flag
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well, keep your options open and make sure to let him know when you sleep with a friend or co-worker, you will feel better, I don't care what anyone says!!!! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.18.08, 07:47 PM Flag
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haha - i like how you think, but i dont want any connection to him with my sexual partners ;) - that said, there is a cute single man that moved into the house behind mine, hmm lol, but really i have no plans on seeing other men for a long time. my kids are so young and i need to just focus on them. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.18.08, 07:51 PM Flag
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like I said, don't rule anything out! A good lay maybe a nice pick me up! Flame Away! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.18.08, 07:55 PM Flag
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why are you encouraging her to do something that will sabotage her strength? she must be there for her children and her own mental health right now. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.18.08, 08:09 PM Flag
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Get a sense of humor already. Are you that uptight you can't make light of anything? Do you really think she's going to go out and screw someone because some broad on UB recommended it? Please, lighten up, or your husband will be running to the nanny too. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.18.08, 08:24 PM Flag
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my husband would never cheat on me - we have a good marriage and we make each other quite happy [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.18.08, 08:31 PM Flag
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Yeah, ok, it's always the people who think like that. Just like your kids won't do drugs or end up in trouble...it's not up to you.You can't even be open minded enough to know you can't control what other people do. You never know how another person will react in crisis or a rut, or whatever. It would be much better to know that you do the best you can, hope for the best, and trust one another, but you never know. Just ask the poster! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.18.08, 08:37 PM Flag
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oh please she obviously wasnt doing something right if her husband had to go to the arms of the nearest young woman - my husband is quite happy and we are in a secure and stable relationship [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.18.08, 08:42 PM Flag
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I'm sure you are joking, that's funny, I'm glad you finally got a sense of humor! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.18.08, 08:48 PM Flag
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what?? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.18.08, 08:55 PM Flag
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There is no way someone could be that stupid to say she wasn't doing something right and her husband ran into the arms of another woman...and then to follow it with her secure and stable relationship. Please,that is hysterical to me, no one is that clueless, right? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.18.08, 08:58 PM Flag
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excuse me if i am confident in my marriage and i am being honest with the op unlike the rest of you who solely crucify her husband [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.18.08, 09:05 PM Flag
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Hey, I'm not saying their marriage was great and it was all his fault, I'm sure there were symptoms and neglect on both sides. What I am saying is to open your eyes and realize that YOU to can be cheated on. You can be confident all you want, it doesn't mean that shit won't happen to you. I hope it doesn't and I hope you're right, but [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.18.08, 09:12 PM Flag
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^^^^^....to be so ignorant of human behavior makes me think you are not a very smart person. People who have those black and white views usually get them shoved up thier ass pretty hard. With you they'd have to take the stick out first. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.18.08, 09:14 PM Flag
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^^^Her husband is screwing around on her, no doubt. She'd be too stupid to ever acknowledge it. And too in denial. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.18.08, 09:17 PM Flag
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oh please you ladies are so insecure in your relationships if you feel this way - i know my husband isn't cheating on me so get over it. i am lucky enough. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.18.08, 09:21 PM Flag
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you don't know shit lady, that's the problem with you "know it alls" you live in lala land. I'd love to join that club one day! You are lucky enough that you're too stupid to ever find out what really goes on outside your bedroom. God Bless You! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.18.08, 09:32 PM Flag
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HA! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.18.08, 08:49 PM Flag
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That's what most women think, yet, 60% of men are having affairs, but of course it could not be your husband. That only happens to other people. WAKE UP! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.18.08, 08:39 PM Flag
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it is so strange seeing how unaffected my dc are - granted my oldest is only six and the younger two are 3 and 2 so they don't really get it [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.18.08, 07:07 PM Flag
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Wait. I thought you said that he came home one night and she was there, but they had never spoken before that. Do you mean that they became friendly after that point? Didn't you think that was a little weird if it was after the first time they met. Or, am I confusing the story? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.18.08, 07:03 PM Flag
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you might be confusing it a little bit - there were a couple signs at the very end right before i found out - but i was just referring to the year long affair - up until right before i knew it hadn't crossed my mind [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.18.08, 07:08 PM Flag
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That is crazy. Before this, did you think he was the kind of person who would never do such a thing or did you always know he might be capable? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.18.08, 07:09 PM Flag
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i've never thought he could do such a thing - never thought he could even hurt me. take away the lying and cheating and he was an all-around perfect husband and father. i just felt so lucky to have him and things were great. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.18.08, 07:13 PM Flag
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ugh. I'm so sorry for you. that really stinks. you are definitely better off without him, but it will probably take you a while to get over the betrayal. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.18.08, 07:15 PM Flag
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that's why I said to the other poster who would want her child to be a SAHM that you never know! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.18.08, 07:17 PM Flag
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I read your previous posts and all the drama involved. You get what you put up with, he's living with the nanny and you're still asking what he wants. He wants things exactly as they are and have been, please, WAKE UP! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.18.08, 06:07 PM Flag
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trust me i havent been a fool - i have been firm with him and found strength i assure you - i just thought you ladies would enjoy hearing this one [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.18.08, 06:10 PM Flag
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Good, stay strong. He probably just figured out what his child support payments will be, that usually brings them back. "Cheaper to Keep Her" [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.18.08, 06:14 PM Flag
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he is not going to stay married to me i promise [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.18.08, 07:28 PM Flag
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I think we have all been following your story and wishing for some closure for you. When my dad left my mom for a younger woman, he kept her on the hook for a long time, saying he might want to work it out, he dragged it out for over a year--he was really just trying to post-pone the expense of a divorce and probably hide assets. I am sorry to be so negative, but please continue to protect yourself and stay strong! wishing the best for you and your kids and someday you will have built a wonderful life without that creep. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.18.08, 07:08 PM Flag
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thank you so much [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.18.08, 07:15 PM Flag
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np: ditto this, my father was a stingy, cheating bastard to my mother, and he did this to her too. the things men do to save a buck never cease to amaze me. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.18.08, 09:39 PM Flag
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your situation is crap [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.18.08, 07:44 PM Flag
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I just hope you have a good lawyer. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.18.08, 07:50 PM Flag
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i am very happy with my lawyer, i lucked out [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.18.08, 07:52 PM Flag
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that's good -- just keep it mature on your side of the fence and live YOUR life in a respectful way. Your kids will know the difference now and in the later years. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.18.08, 07:58 PM Flag
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you need to get out there again! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.18.08, 08:17 PM Flag
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