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07.16.08, 18:09 PM NY Schools
82 replies
DD starting K at a 2nd/3rd tier school (by UB standards) in fall. Despite 99/98/99 ERBs, her shyness resulted in her being a bit hard to place. Since she's quite advanced (reads at 3rd/4th grade level, writes short stories), I'm worried she's going to languish at her new school. Any advice from BTDTs? Should I consider trying to transfer her in a few years? [ Reply | Watch | Flag ]
NY Schools 07.16.08, 06:09 PM Flag
 

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see how it plays out. she may flourish and not languish. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 06:10 PM Flag
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Do teachers generally individualize the learning plan? I'm worried other kids will just be learning to read while she's been reading chapter books for over a year. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 06:11 PM Flag
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np: I posted below. My dd was the only dc who started K reading (I don't mean dick and jane books but chapter books). Her teachers were great in encouraging her to challenge herself and not to worry what others weren't able to do. The classmates thought it was so cool that they would ask her to read to them and this encourage some of them to want to learn too (from what their moms told me) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 06:14 PM Flag
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Thanks. Perhaps UB is making me more nervous than I need to be! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 06:16 PM Flag
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please NEVER listen to strangers when it comes to schools. Your dc will be fine. I'm sure she will just blossom [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 06:17 PM Flag
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how can you be so sure. my experience was different. gifted kid in lower tier school known for being "nurturing". found he wasn't among peers at all. teacher did give him extra stuff to do, but by and large was focused more on the group. also, got a lot of snarky comments from other moms...commenting on his vocabulary, inquisitiveness, etc., but not in a nice way. he really did not fit in, and we moved him. of course, even 3rd tier privates offer a good education, but don't ignore fit. at least for us, it was a problem. we are very laid back, btw, and never pushed our dc, never did much teaching. of course, everyone made comments that we must be tutoring him, etc. seems to stir up competition for some reason when a smarter kid is among kids who are not advanced...at least for their parents [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 07:04 PM Flag
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Have to tell you, sounds like your gifted kid ended up at a lower-tier school because his mother is obnoxious. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.17.08, 06:05 AM Flag
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may seem obnoxious, but I am honest in my assessment of the mismatch, and this was born out over time. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.17.08, 07:14 PM Flag
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OP: At what point did you realize the fit wasn't good and at what point did you move your DC? Was it difficult to move him? Is he happier now? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.17.08, 12:39 PM Flag
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was concerned from the beginning. moved for 3rd grade [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.17.08, 02:34 PM Flag
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How hard was it to move then? Did the school support your DC? Did you move to a TT? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.17.08, 04:50 PM Flag
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we were nervous, but the school accomodated us. luckily we got into a school we liked better. would have been uncomfortable otherwise, but we would have dealt with it. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.17.08, 05:41 PM Flag
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Do you find it to be a better fit? Why? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.17.08, 05:46 PM Flag
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the academic expectations are higher, the emphasis on nurturing less, and that suits our dc better. even the type of competitive behavior is more in line. now it is other kids who are competitive and ambitious. before it was competitive mothers trying to keep everyone equal and at the same level. far worse, imo. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.17.08, 07:11 PM Flag
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v. interesting. is new school tt? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.18.08, 07:28 AM Flag
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nnp; same here with my dd. She'll be going to TT but a friend who's a teacher there said most kids don't come in reading. I guess it's same situation as the other schools. Why don't you see how your school accommodates her? Some may and some may not. ANd if you are not happy, apply out. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 06:30 PM Flag
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nnnnp: its not really about skills at entry. its about overall intellectual level and potential. a class full of average kids will not work well for a gifted kid. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 07:06 PM Flag
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That could be an issue anywhere. DD is starting K at one of B C S and can sound out words but doesn't read books. Even if your DC were headed to Hunter, [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.17.08, 06:04 AM Flag
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^^^many or most of the kids wouldn't be reading. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.17.08, 06:05 AM Flag
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have you talked with the school yet about her reading level, etc.? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 06:11 PM Flag
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Not yet. Thought I'd wait until the first day of school to talk to her individual teacher. Do you think I should do it earlier? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 06:12 PM Flag
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do they not have some kind of orientation meeting for parents or something before school starts? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 06:13 PM Flag
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No. There was an orientation a few months ago, but lots of people and no real opportunity to talk to the administration. That said, I understand the teachers are very available (by email and in-person meetings), so I assume I can chat with the head teacher as soon as school starts. Didn't want to be seen as a PITA too early though. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 06:15 PM Flag
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i wouldn't think of yourself as a pita - you have a child who is gifted (at least at reading and writing) and that is relevant information for her teacher - especially since she is shy and might be more likely therefore not to show what she actually can do but rather might de-skill herself to fit in. you can approach it as being out of concern for her personality and how that might interfere with their getting a good reading of her skill level or something. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 06:17 PM Flag
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Good idea. I'm not worried she'll "de-skill" herself, but I am worried she'll clam up all together. I think a quick talk with the teacher will make me feel better (and will at least set the stage for my DD). [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 06:20 PM Flag
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np: if she's a good reader now that doesn't need a reminder to read, I doubt she will "de-skill" herself [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 06:24 PM Flag
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I wouldn't speak to the teacher off the bat. let the teacher get to know her, and then speak. we did that, and the teacher came to us and asked if we were on board with giving dc extra projects as she was gifted 9as per teacher, not our words). [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 07:33 PM Flag
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Some teachers teach to the middle, no matter what. Our dc had 99s and 99 SB and people have remarked on his intelligence since he was a small toddler; that's enough "evidence" of his giftedness for me. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.17.08, 11:01 AM Flag
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What was your experience with your DC in the classroom environment? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.17.08, 12:46 PM Flag
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You don't talk with your child's preK teacher about reading before you start a school. The teachers are professionals and have dealt with a wide range of kids. You would be considered a PITA. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 07:03 PM Flag
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That's exactly what I was worried about... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.17.08, 01:02 PM Flag
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how do you know the school won't be perfect for her? My dd goes to a so called 3rd tier school and started K reading and writing too. Her teachers have been amazing by encouraging her even though most of her classmates weren't doing what she was. She has never been lost or felt like she was not being challenged. Give the school a chance. She may flourish and come out of her shell [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 06:11 PM Flag
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Thanks. That makes me feel much better. When did you talk to teachers (or did they figure out on their own the level at which your DD was reading)? Don't want to seem like a PITA at the beginning of the school year. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 06:13 PM Flag
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The teacher came up to me within the first week of school telling me how they saw what a great reader and writer she is. They also wanted to assure me that they wouldn't discourage her but encourage her with the reading even though formal reading didn't start until 1st grade. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 06:15 PM Flag
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^^^by the time we had our first parent/teacher conference, I was shown such great work (writing) she had finished and they told me what they were doing with her to practice and challenge herself. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 06:16 PM Flag
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That's great. I think I don't really need to mention the level at which my DD reads...it's pretty obvious, since she always has a book in her hands. How did they encourage her reading? By giving her level-appropriate books during rest time or by doing something else? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 06:18 PM Flag
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yes you won't have to mention her level to them they will see what she's able to do. They gave my dd level appropriate books and even would ask her to read out loud at their circle/reading time. They also encouraged her to write in her jounral (all kids got one) but many just would draw. they encouraged her to write a story about her drawings. It was great and I still have the finished journals (she's starting 3rd gr in the fall) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 06:21 PM Flag
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I've heard some people say that kids catch up sometime in second grade. Did you find that to be the case or is your dd still ahead now? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 06:28 PM Flag
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np; kids who read chapter books at 3 or 4yo will always be smarter than the norm. Other kids will catch up on reading but it doesn't mean OP's dd will level out intellectually. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 06:53 PM Flag
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OP; I've actually been wondering whether that's the case. Since DD reads a lot (including lots of magazines), she gets a lot more information than other DC. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.17.08, 12:45 PM Flag
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You haven't met the other children and you are sure your child is more advanced than them? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.18.08, 04:42 AM Flag
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When we toured I looked at the books in each of the classrooms. Even the second grade classrooms didn't have books at the level at which DD was reading when we toured (and that was a year ago). [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.18.08, 07:31 AM Flag
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Don't listen to the women on UB about this they are usually FOS. It will probably be great, if it is not then you can always apply out later, GL [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 06:21 PM Flag
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Thanks. You made me smile! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 06:29 PM Flag
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You're welcome. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 06:30 PM Flag
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Don't waste your time with problems that aren't there. Life is hard enough. Take it as it comes. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 06:23 PM Flag
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My dc attends a tt and started k with skills similar to your dc's. Was a nightmare trying to get teacher to accommodate. Honestly, at this stage of the game, it will be more about your dc's TEACHER than the tier of the school (because most kids at tt don't start k reading chapter books). [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 06:35 PM Flag
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Brearley? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 06:48 PM Flag
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we had a similar problem, although i wouldn't call it a nightamre. we just decided after not getting accomodation just to go with the flow, and let K be about socializing and maintaining skills. dc read mostly at home. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 07:31 PM Flag
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Excellent advice, try to take a wait and see approach. The socialization aspect is a big deal in K, especially at the beginning of the year. And who knows? At our public, the teachers sent home a questionnaire at the beginning of the year asking us to describe DC and what we wanted DC to get out of K. Maybe you'll get something similar at DC's school. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 07:42 PM Flag
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see how it plays out. if she's shy, just being in school all day will be plenty challenging, no matter where she is. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 09:18 PM Flag
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We are in the same boat. 99 on ERB/SB and headed to same "tier." Our PSD actually approached the school on our behalf and they have been great about talking with us about how they intend to approach the differences in levels. You might want to reach out to the school. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.17.08, 05:26 AM Flag
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Which school? Really interested in which schools say they'll be accommodating. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.17.08, 06:59 AM Flag
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I'd really rather not say which school bc it's a pretty unique situation but I think that if you approach it the right way (i.e. not in a PITA way), it should be a pretty easy conversation to have. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.17.08, 07:05 AM Flag
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^FWIW, I can't imagine that there's a single school that would actually say that they wouldn't be accommodating so we'll ultimately have to see how it goes. However, they have been very open so far. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.17.08, 07:07 AM Flag
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Why do you think your situation is unique? I'm sure there are other bright kids at the school. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.17.08, 07:12 AM Flag
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It has nothing to do with my kid. It is a situation where my PSD is still involved and I really don't need to say anymore. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.17.08, 07:42 AM Flag
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It's not a matter of the tier of the school, but the philosophy. I find that progressive schools have a teaching method that accomodates different learning styles and levels more easily than a traditional school. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.17.08, 06:28 AM Flag
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thanks idiot! i can't wait to have your child as a patient in my psych practice in 20 years so she can work out her controlling mommy issues. i look forward to many years of payments [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.17.08, 07:11 AM Flag
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what is a 3rd tier school by UB standards? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.17.08, 07:14 AM Flag
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Hewitt, MM (though it's on the brink of 2nd tier), Dwight, CGPS, Birch (though some people say it's 4th tier). [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.17.08, 07:55 AM Flag
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those are all still excellent schools... UB is so jaded [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.17.08, 07:56 AM Flag
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They may be but, in touring a 3rd tier school last year (not one of these above), seeing the K kids in action, and their "work product" or whatever you want to call it, it was clear that dd wouldn't have worked out there. She (still in in preschool) was doing what they were doing a few months before our tour. There was no way we were paying that kind of money for her to be an outlier. (instead starting at a citywide G&T in the fall.) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.17.08, 10:43 AM Flag
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this is pretty silly. my dd at B was doing way less academically at a very TT school than what she had done in pre-school. Many of the Ks are less academic than the more academc and Montessori pre-schools. Plus, you will see, that schools cover certain topics many times. Not eveyr kid remebers what he or she was taught in pre-K. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.17.08, 11:15 AM Flag
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LOL. Oh, B mom, love the "*very* tt" designation--like tt just doesn't quite cut it. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.17.08, 02:11 PM Flag
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Don't rule out the benefits of socialization - even at Hunter, your DD would be unique- she can always read at home. A good teacher will figure it out. Kids at TT schools are not all geniuses. Money does have a voice, you know ;) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.17.08, 09:58 AM Flag
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Bingo. TT schools get a good % of dumb rich kids. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.17.08, 10:03 AM Flag
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LOL. Probably SOME dumb rich kids, but most so-called "rich" people aren't rich because they're morons. And, as they say, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.17.08, 10:37 AM Flag
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Completely disagree. Very rich people are rarely book/school smart. And I have two words for you too: Paris Hilton. But seriously, the skills that make one book smart aren't the same as the ones that make you business smart. Some overlap, but not a whole lot. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.17.08, 10:39 AM Flag
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Paris Hilton was counselled out of Spence, then CSH and ended up at Dwight--from which she didn't even graduate (don't know what that has to do with anything, though, as I'm sure there are connected dummies at BWL, too). At any rate my dc's class at tt has a few "very rich" kids in it. Also plenty of rich-but-not-by-NYC-standards like my dc (who got 99/99/99 erbs and 99 SB, by the way). Ultimately, the tts want kids they can get into top colleges. Not so easy to get a rich dummy into an Ivy these days (hence the greater likelihood of not up to snuff sibs and, especially, legs being dinged). [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.17.08, 01:25 PM Flag
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Hijack: Just had to pick resumes from a big pile from one of the ivies, for my firm to select an intern. obviously most of the focus was on their college accomplishments. But there was an HM, and a Stuy, and Hunter, and a few others, and they just didn't stand out as more accomplished versus the rest of the candidates. At all. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.17.08, 01:46 PM Flag
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Of the schools you list, only HM is a tt. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.17.08, 02:12 PM Flag
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How in the world can you make this determination by reading a resume? Don't you think the interview presents a clearer picture? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.17.08, 04:01 PM Flag
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Only have a handful of interview slots, so have to pick those from the much bigger stack of resumes. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.18.08, 07:31 AM Flag
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Funny, of the people I've interviewed, many of those who went to TT seemed quite "effected" [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.17.08, 04:54 PM Flag
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My DC entered K (coveted public school) reading at 3/4 grade level, according to K teacher. K teacher was frank - said she could not accommodate DC except to give DC appropriate books. DC tuned out a lot because DC already knew material and discussion not high enough level - this isn't me, it's what teacher said, unprompted. Teacher said it woudl get better in second half of term. it didn't. It never did. However, other DC just as smart, were perfectly happy. Much depends on the child. The rest depends on the teacher. if you can get PSD to call ahead for you and tell them she's very bright and reading at 3/4 grade level, but shy, that'll help. My dc was reading 2/3 grade level in preschool and teachers didn't notice. Thought dc was looking at pictures and not paying attention during the B is for Banana sessions due to immaturity. Also, if it turns out to be a problem, try to get out before 3rd grade - generally, by 2nd grade, they're getting pretty antsy if it's not the right fit. BWL said to be accommodating btw. Cathedral not. Progressive schools handle ability range better than traditional (dc has been in both kinds). [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.17.08, 05:45 PM Flag
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So what is your DC doing now? Is he/she happier? More challenged? How was that result achieved? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.17.08, 05:49 PM Flag
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DC at a progressive private. Much better. Could be more challenged, but happy, so I've made my peace with it. People always say enrich child yourself, but I have found it hard to find appropriate activities that really engage and teach dc. Easy to enrich for art, music, and foreign language. Everything else much harder. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.17.08, 07:24 PM Flag
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Do you mean affected? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.18.08, 04:40 AM Flag
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LOL. Guess if she'd gone to tt she'd know that. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.18.08, 06:03 AM Flag
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OR: LOL, yes. And though I didn't go to a TT (I'm not from NYC), I did go to HYP! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.18.08, 09:24 AM Flag
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But that's naive wishful thinking. They also want to pay for the new gym. Money matter a whole lot to them. And GWB went to Yale & Harvard despite being a moron. Money opens lots of doors. A rich kid will be able to get into HYP due to family connections. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.18.08, 09:28 AM Flag
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