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07.15.08, 20:03 PM General Topics
8 replies
I don't know how to counsel my friend. She knows (as in has proof) that her dh is having a serious affair. She's told him that she knows (and he's denied everything,) but she's afraid to push too far because she's pretty sure that he "has" sociopathic narcissism and that he'll react really badly - she's also concerned that he'll ruin their daughter's life. I wish that she could just get out and she's starting to plan, but she isn't in a position to do that yet. Is there anything I can do to help her? [ Reply | Watch | Flag ]
General Topics 07.15.08, 08:03 PM Flag
 

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Just be around for her I don't think there is much else you can do. I hope things work out for her. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.15.08, 08:06 PM Flag
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Thanks. I'm really upset for her. I'd like to ruin both her dh and his mistress. My friend hasn't even told me half of what's going on and the little I know is just awful. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.15.08, 08:11 PM Flag
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Tell her she can stash a bag at your house with emergency supplies (clothes, neccesities, important papers, money) just in case things do go south quickly. If she feels she has a safe place to go she may feel more confident. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.15.08, 08:18 PM Flag
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good idea. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.15.08, 08:21 PM Flag
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She knows she can come to us. I think her main fear is the havoc he'd wreak on their child - he already really manipulates and harasses her (the child) and it would just get so bad. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.15.08, 08:21 PM Flag
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wouldn't it be better for the child not to have to live with this guy? my dad is a narcissistic, controlling misanthrope, and even at age 13 when my mom left (with me & my sister), i was secretly so relieved not to have to live with him anymore. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.15.08, 08:24 PM Flag
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I asked her that and I think on one level she agrees. On the other hand, the daughter will be a junior in HS this year and I guess that's the really tough year for college, etc. I think my friend thinks if she can just maintain for a while...I don't know. I guess he really controls things that would be pretty hard on their child. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.15.08, 08:29 PM Flag
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If she is really worried than have her document every example of that behavior that she can recall & get out of that house. If she has enough ammo she can severly limit his visitation. If it is really bad she can ask for only supervised visitation. However, if she has her child's welfare at heart she needs to be prepared to make sacrifices. Since my ex was an acoholic I gave up my right to his pension and alimony & accepted a pittance in child support in agreement that he not get overnight visits till dd was 5 and then only for one night (this was arranged bet us not a court). Then I concentrated on teaching her to memorize my phone number in case "daddy fell asleep". [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.15.08, 08:29 PM Flag
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