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07.15.08, 17:40 PM NY Schools
93 replies
Almost a year ago this week DH adn I made our list of privates and started on the application process. A year later dc is shut out and headed to public school. I have nothing but anger and bitterness about the whole process and hope all the schools go to hell and have to start closing their doors. [ Reply | Watch | Flag ]
NY Schools 07.15.08, 05:40 PM Flag
 

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You are not alone! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.15.08, 05:43 PM Flag
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The process sucks, it was not the schools there were very tough odds this year and many great dc got shutout. I hope that you and dc are happy at the public he or she is going to. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.15.08, 05:43 PM Flag
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she won't be. she is rightfully bitter, and I too hope that these schools go down the tubes when the economy tanks. its not just that they are insufficient for the number of kids applying. that is life. but the way they have set up the system to their advantage with FC letters, top 3 choices, back room deals with psd's, contributions and the like...I say, let them rot one day. they have used their power in an advantageous market to take advantage of the public, and I believe they should be sued for anti trust matters. so if OP is bitter, she has a right to be. the schools have really over stepped the line, IMO. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.15.08, 05:49 PM Flag
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ITA!!!!! Thank you for articulating this so well. OP's post really hit home for me too. There are many of us out there who feel absolutely abused and belittled and it is not something you can just "get over" b/c the process is designed to hit you personally and it involves your child. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.15.08, 05:52 PM Flag
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wow, makes me extra-glad we didn't even consider this route. So obscene to spend that kind of $$$ on a 5 year old's education - more than the average salary nationwide so that a child can do puzzles and have recess and learn introductory phonics. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.15.08, 05:56 PM Flag
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yes and no. The real issue is that if you did want that for your child and had the means, you were still put through the meat-grinder by many of these schools and it all just really sucked [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.15.08, 05:58 PM Flag
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np: I agree. For us, the worst was all the complete self degradation that came with calling all the w/l schools, being encouraged to call daily, hand deliver self debasing letters promising your soul if only they would take you out of the w/l pile. who would put up with this in other areas of life? maybe someone who had to debase herself to feed her family. at any rate, all the begging eventually got us a spot. we later turned it down for a citywide. just felt so abused by the school at that point, and no longer grateful to have a place to send my 5 yo. it was disgusting. the whole game is repugnant [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.15.08, 05:57 PM Flag
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i know! I sat at work working waitlists and made myself sick. I am not one to grovel but there I was having to suck up to bitches on a power trip and for nothing I might add [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.15.08, 05:59 PM Flag
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[ Removed by moderator ] [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.15.08, 06:03 PM Flag
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Ah! Who is this I wonder who is suddenly attacking the sad moms? Is it an admissions person or someone who took advantage of the backromo dealings and has a child at a school based on $? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.15.08, 06:05 PM Flag
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None of the above, and you know it. You just cannot stand the fact that the number of dcs who are given a spot far outweighs those who do not. If only admissions people or connecteds got their dc in there would be many empty slots. Now go have a drink [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.15.08, 06:06 PM Flag
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I am np above. we did get a spot. I was happy at first, but have to say, I never felt great about the school, even though it had been high on our list throughout the process. I think they did require that we grovel and show that our every molecule wanted a spot. that was unnecessary and demeaning. I actually felt traumatized by it. later, when we had a way out, I took it gladly. just could never have felt right about the school. btw, its not all ego. these people could have been nice, told me that they would call me if our luck changed. Instead, I had to call them every 2 days, hand deliver a fc letter, email, etc. oh, and psd had to call as well. it was ridiculous. how much do they need to hear we love them? I felt the psds in these instances are disingenuous and cruel. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.15.08, 06:10 PM Flag
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Sorry but you sound so high maintenance that you won't be happy anywhere. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 08:21 AM Flag
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oh, god. another nest parent who thinks she's better than everyone, including every private school doa in the city. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.15.08, 06:20 PM Flag
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why do you keep posting this. the real issue is the back room deals made with families and their kids that are meant to put schools in a better financial situation and stack the decks in their favor. it is wrong, and has nothing to do with nest or any other public school. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.15.08, 07:10 PM Flag
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Wow, NP here, you are seriously paranoid aren't you. Back room deals! Laughable. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.15.08, 07:13 PM Flag
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If you are laughing it's only because you are so innocent you don't know what's going on. Truly. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.15.08, 07:17 PM Flag
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no. psd told me about it. I believe her. it is part of how we got off the w/l. she offered me different deals for different schools, btw. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.15.08, 07:19 PM Flag
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Because your dc was marketable. OPs for whatever reason was not. Life isn't fair what can I tell you. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.15.08, 07:22 PM Flag
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its not about fair. I would have no beef with a process that just picked kids that were more marketable. its the holding families hostage for contributions, allowing psds to reveal things about your financial contributions, your intent vis a vis the schools and other such things that I object to. it is unfair business practice that may well be illegal. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.15.08, 07:36 PM Flag
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We're nobodies who got our kid into fc. Kid had great playdate and school report. And 99x3 erbs didn't hurt. Nothing beyond that. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 07:21 AM Flag
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You may be nobodies, but you know how to play the game. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.17.08, 06:37 AM Flag
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Nest basher strikes again...Where did anyone mention Nest? You seriously need to check yourself. Now you are imagining that people are writing about Nest when they aren't. Its too bad that your kid didn't get but you need to move on and let it go. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 08:16 AM Flag
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np: It is Celenia I tell you! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 08:23 AM Flag
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np. anyone who writes citywide is a NEST parent. the anderson parents say anderson. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 02:54 PM Flag
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Your sure about this? Via what means did you come up with this concluesion? Have you done a survey and then crunched out some metrics on this? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.17.08, 07:54 AM Flag
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You sound insane. We worked the WLs, got a great spot at one of our top choices, paid the deposit and never looked back. We are thrilled. Do you have a job? If so, how do you get through every day when you take everything so personally? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 08:45 AM Flag
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Lady, were you here for the white flight of the 70s or the crash in the 80s? keep dreamin' [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.15.08, 05:58 PM Flag
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look, I doubt all the nyc schools will have trouble of the magnitude being wished for here, but they should be held up to scrutiny and possibly be evaluated for anti trust issues. I think that is why they were publicly decrying fc letters. meanwhile there was still the backroom horse trade. these schools need to be stopped from these repugnant practices that stack the deck in their favor, and take advantage of people. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.15.08, 06:02 PM Flag
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the are PRIVATE schools [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.15.08, 06:03 PM Flag
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You have posted about 4 times on here and it is so clear you are a flunky of a private school. Go away [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.15.08, 06:06 PM Flag
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You are very disturbed. Be a better person for your child and good luck to you, its only school. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.15.08, 06:07 PM Flag
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If you get a boil on your butt, I will be happy [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.15.08, 06:08 PM Flag
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Picking things up is important. I do it all day long. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.15.08, 07:03 PM Flag
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they are private schools, but they get lots of not for profit tax benefits. they operate like an oligopoly, and they rig the system and take advantage of people to squeeze out $$/donations, etc. there is a rigged system between psds and doas that benefit the schools financially, and IMO this is illegal, not to mention unethical. some smart lawyers are catching on, and I would love to sign onto any class action suit [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.15.08, 06:19 PM Flag
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Me too!!!!! I hope lawyers do end up doing something about this. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.15.08, 07:04 PM Flag
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People have been saying this for decades. The reason they don't admit to giving the dcs on site IQ tests, which they still do, was because of a lawsuit in the 70s [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.15.08, 07:06 PM Flag
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So you are optimistic that lawyers might actually accomplish something?!?!? I hope so [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.15.08, 07:18 PM Flag
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They won't do you know how many crazed manic shut outs have lodged suits? Sorry, but no. FWIW they didn't win their suit, again, private school make their own rules, but they just began to deny they were doing it to stop the crazies from calling [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.15.08, 07:20 PM Flag
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how do you know this with certainty? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.15.08, 07:21 PM Flag
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Because I lived through it. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.15.08, 07:23 PM Flag
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I think the lawsuit should be based on antitrust law violations. when you f&ck with uncle sam, its a different story. btw, there are not many lawsuits of shutouts on the books. you are making this up to support your point. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.15.08, 07:24 PM Flag
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I'm the poster who asked about certainty of information, and I think you're right. There aren't too many lawsuits. I think the naysayer might be an admissions director afraid of having herself and her school exposed!! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.15.08, 07:26 PM Flag
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ITTA! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.15.08, 07:27 PM Flag
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ITA -- so true -- and things will change, but maybe not fast enough for us. There's a lot of bad karma everywhere in NYC [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.15.08, 07:03 PM Flag
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You are not the first to feel this way, you will not be the last and the doors will never close. Sorry. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.15.08, 05:53 PM Flag
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actually.... you must not have been around in the early 1990's then b/c doors DID close. It will happen again [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.15.08, 05:54 PM Flag
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yep. no people feel lucky to get a spot at the worst schools in town. when will people wake up and realize the racket this has become in this market? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.15.08, 05:58 PM Flag
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LOLOL read above, I don't remember any of the good schools being closed. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.15.08, 05:59 PM Flag
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I have no idea who started parsing "good and bad" schools but that is not what is being discussed here. it is the whole process at issue. The whole ISAAGNY kabal and the other schools following that lead. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.15.08, 06:02 PM Flag
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of course good schools didn't close, but so so schools did. right now, people will sign up for anything that opens. those schools may make it, but when the cycle takes its course, as it always has, lesser schools will lose students, and become only able to recruit the kids counseled out (or close), and good schools will take a broad range like they always have. also, contributions/endowments/capital projects and the like will slow down. part of why these schools are storing up $$$ now. they understand that the schools, like the economy, have cycles. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.15.08, 06:06 PM Flag
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Not so so schools, the very bottom that were struggling to begin with, not even BW closed they merged but they were the bottom of the lower tiers at that time. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.15.08, 06:08 PM Flag
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needing to merge is not exactly a sign of a financially healthy school. like I said, there are cycles. everyone in the school business knows this. so everytime someone pulls up an article discussing how this was difficult in another decade, I just smile. its newsworthy at that moment because the wave is at its peak, rather than trough. what goes up comes back down, and then goes up again. always has, always will. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.15.08, 06:14 PM Flag
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You do realize don't you that you have just contradicted what I am very sure you say all the time. That is was ' so easy' back when it was the legacy moms turn don't you? Get your story straight. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.15.08, 07:05 PM Flag
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have no idea what you are talking about. I believe the school admissions game goes in waves, just like the economy. this has been confirmed by other doas and history. I have never commented on legacy moms. perhaps you are confusing me with someone else. it has been easier at times, and harder at times. right now it is harder. there have een other hard times in history. what's your point. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.15.08, 07:41 PM Flag
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And you are entitled to your dc getting into one of these great schools because? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.15.08, 06:00 PM Flag
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EFF OFF [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.15.08, 06:03 PM Flag
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You need to relax, Why are you so competitive. Do you realize how sick you sound? You want to bash us for belonging to a club you beat yourself to death to become a part of? Get real. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.15.08, 06:05 PM Flag
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You have some sorry logic and I am not even the poster you have been fighting with. She is attacking the admissions process. I happen to agree with her too [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.15.08, 06:07 PM Flag
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NP: I also agree. The sad part is that the admissions process seems to have given you an inflated sense of self worth. Wake up and smell the coffee. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.15.08, 07:16 PM Flag
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Gee, I didn't post the original but why don't look at logic for a moment. This entire thread is about bashing the entire private school system and bashing the people associated with it because you didn't get in hard as you tried. What on earth would YOU call it. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.15.08, 07:19 PM Flag
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Well, I definitely wouldn't call it an inflated sense of self worth. Again, just b/c you were lucky enough to get in, don't think for a moment that the system isn't completely broken. IT IS. A bunch of loser doas who aren't nearly as educated or accomplished as the parent body applying are taking out their revenge and feelings of mediocrity on people who have actually done worthwhile things with their lives. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.15.08, 07:24 PM Flag
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b/c my child had a great score, is a charming and sweet kid, we can pay for it and we were led on. How aboutyou go put salt somewhere else [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.15.08, 06:04 PM Flag
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Obviously all of that is not true. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.15.08, 06:05 PM Flag
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actually. It really is true. ended up shut out. It happens [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.15.08, 06:08 PM Flag
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ITA. Wonder what a "great" score is. And EVERYONE thinks their own kid is "charming and sweet". Rose colored glasses. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 07:19 AM Flag
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sorry it was so tough for you, but maybe you overidentified to your dc's results if you feel this strongly about it [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.15.08, 06:04 PM Flag
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and your child attends? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.15.08, 06:09 PM Flag
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a tt private. if my dc's had been shut out though, would have sent to our local public though. doesn't affect my ego-happy with results though since I think dcs are in the best place for them [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.15.08, 06:11 PM Flag
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well, obviously the posters upset here do not think their dcs are at the best places for them. so have sume f&cking compassion and normal humanity. they are upset for obvious reasons. no need for you to lecture them. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.15.08, 06:16 PM Flag
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No they and you are not upset for normal reasons. It is people like you that schools see a mile away and avoid. It is you they are trying to avoid, people so tied to what their dcs do or do not do or achieve at four years old. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.15.08, 06:59 PM Flag
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Oh and you have somehow risen above all this ---righhhhhhhhhht! You probably prepped your kid for the ERBs. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.15.08, 07:20 PM Flag
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Really, you can believe whatever it is that lets you sleep better. No need to fight you o this. I have nothing to prove to you. I suggested you help yourself out and realize you need to get a grip but if you want to continue to spit venom, please help yourself. I am logging off. Enjoy. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.15.08, 07:22 PM Flag
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Good. Get off this post and go bury yourself in your jubilation until it's time to apply for colleges. Let's see who will be laughing then. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.15.08, 07:27 PM Flag
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I can't believe you are still sore over the SO. A year later! Get a grip, woman. Public is not like jail for god's sake. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.15.08, 06:29 PM Flag
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I know how you feel. we had a similar experience. we are going to one of the "new" schools. our zoned school was just not acceptable and g&t did not pan out either. try again in a couple of years. public is fine at least through second grade. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.15.08, 06:42 PM Flag
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NP: All of these responses make me sad. We got into our fc (and accepted), and, you know what? After going to orientation, talking to more parents, learning more, etc had some pretty massive buyers remorse. No school is as fantastic as the private schools have to market themselves as being (to justify their price tag/cachet). They're just not. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.15.08, 06:50 PM Flag
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This is so true. They're all better when you're outside looking in. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 10:51 AM Flag
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The problem here is with you, your attitude, outlook in life and what you think is important. You are way too competitive mommy. Chill OUT you are making a fool of yourself. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.15.08, 06:57 PM Flag
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how about instead focus on becoming involved in the public school and making it be a great school for your dc. being bitter can help NOBODY [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.15.08, 07:01 PM Flag
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You obviously have never dealt with the DOE in NYC. Keep this advice for yourself in your fairy tale. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.15.08, 07:29 PM Flag
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np: I have a dc in public school and have been involved since he started. And while nothing earth-shattering happened I believe dc's school experience has been good because of my involvement. With your attitude odds are it will be bad. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 08:19 AM Flag
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I also have a dc in public school and have been an involved parent. But our experience has not been pleasant. We have encountered a lot of bureaucratic idiocy, etc. Don't lecture me before you even know the situation. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.17.08, 06:39 AM Flag
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And we have encountered none, our dc's teachers have been excellent and our dealings with the administration fine and extremely limited. Maybe our expectations are just different. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.17.08, 10:24 AM Flag
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I agree with OP that the process is terrible. Although we got a couple of spots, I knew that my dc would never get into our fc because of the way the game is played these days -- I would have had to not apply to the schools where we were in the community to appear credible. That system really does suck -- but I'm at a loss to figure out how it could be changed. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.15.08, 07:11 PM Flag
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What do you mean "schools where we were in the community" While I think the process sucks, mainly because of numbers, and there certainly are some schools that do backdoor dealing, it is not the majority. There just needs to be more school choice in this city. We applied to both public & private this year and found both processes imperfect. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.15.08, 08:19 PM Flag
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Lifestyles of the entitled... In NYC everyone feels they are due what they want because they can afford it... I really must stop reading UB because although the public moms are all clawing for the holy grail of "the best" even though it may not be the right match for their child; the private school wannabes are more revolting and selfish than anything that Hollywood could depict. Their contempt for anyone and anyt institution that gets in the way of what they want is translating into the next generation of vile little humans that make Trump look like Gandhi. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 12:22 AM Flag
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As the mom of a shut out 2 yrs ago, I know exactly how you feel. I knew going in what we were up against (late spring b-day, 97 erb but bombed coding)...dc got into a G&T and we are very happy but I am still bitter about the way we were treated in the application process for private schools. I have two friends whose dcs got multiple acceptances with no communication regarding FC to any of the schools they got into. The process stinks and it is rigged, no doubt about that...those who managed to get a spot they are happy with will always think us 'shutouts' are just crazy bitter people [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 05:43 AM Flag
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Crazy, pita parents often find their kids shut out. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 07:17 AM Flag
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I understand the process is brutal, as I did it myself, but had a great outcome fortunately. However, I feel no matter what the issue, anyone who expresses such venom toward a process, person, or situation in life will never be truly happy. Move on. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 07:21 AM Flag
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why is it so unacceptable for OP to feel the way she does? I liken it to having a bad shopping experience at a store and refusing to go back (and telling friends about your experience as well). I'm sure she has "moved on" but certain things leave a permanent bitter taste in your mouth. I don't think her life is in turmoil because of it. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 10:41 AM Flag
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not op but posted above....you really cannot understand her feelings as, like you said, you had a 'great' outcome. Most people I know who were shut out harbor resentment about the process and trust me, you would too. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.16.08, 10:46 AM Flag
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Millburn. Scarsdale. Chappaqua. Jericho. Rye. Westport. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.17.08, 10:36 AM Flag
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