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07.15.08, 10:38 AM General Topics
28 replies
Are your kids growing up with more $$ than you did? Did you grow up with more than your parents did? Seems we are the first generation in a while to "need help" from our parents... [ Reply | Watch | Flag ]
General Topics 07.15.08, 10:38 AM Flag
 

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Our kids have more then we did. We have more than our parents had. We have worked hard and been very fortunate. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.15.08, 10:51 AM Flag
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yes and yes [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.15.08, 10:52 AM Flag
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DD is growing up with more--but it's relative. DH and I grew up middle class in the burbs. Depending on your view, we are still middle class (HHI $170 in Mahhattan), but raising dd here on that figure (with private school, but no car, no weekend house, no nanny etc) isn't easy so while we know we're giving her more than we had growing up, we don't feel (financially) any better off. Does that make sense?? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.15.08, 10:57 AM Flag
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we are in a similar situation. we have an apt. that is almost exactly the same size as the one i grew up in (both in manhattan, 2BR, 1BA) but in a nicer area. we have no car, no weekend house (both of which i had growing up) but we order in more. we make quite a bit more than my parents did, but their housing costs were a lot lower so our standard of living is about the same and our choices are similar, too (e.g. public school). [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.15.08, 11:18 AM Flag
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Eh, this pattern is not true in my family. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.15.08, 10:59 AM Flag
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Maybe your family, but we are supporting my parents, who have always been poor to lower-middle class. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.15.08, 11:04 AM Flag
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I needed some help right out of college...my dad gave me about $200 a month......I could have gotten by without it but, for example it would have meant parking my car on the street at night (vs the garage in my bldg) and walking a few blocks home in chicago or renting an apt in a 'less safe' neighborhood....so the 'extra' was what he felt was necessary for his peace of mind and my safety(and I appreciate it a lot and hope to do the same for my kids). Then of course I married an IB guy so our kids have much more available than I did growing up and I do worry about teaching them about budgeting...I'm bad at it and give in which is only going to hurt them....if we couldn't afford things it'd be easier to say 'no' I think [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.15.08, 11:15 AM Flag
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IMO, saying no isn't easier when you have no choice. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.15.08, 12:02 PM Flag
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you are right....it is hard to say no regardless, but you have more motivation to say no when the reason is that you really can't afford it. When you can afford it, you end up telling yourself that you'll just say 'no' the next time. I imagine thought that saying no because you can't afford it leaves a parent feeling guilty that they can't provide more. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.15.08, 12:28 PM Flag
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ding ding ding... And then you get the "why?" "Why can't we afford it? Johnnie has one and Trevor has one." Because daddy took a job where he can be home with you for dinner doesn't cut it to a school age kid. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.15.08, 12:46 PM Flag
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"ecause Mommy says so" with a stern look usually works for us. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.15.08, 12:48 PM Flag
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^^^Because [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.15.08, 12:49 PM Flag
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I try to not lead with trump... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.15.08, 02:03 PM Flag
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I'm an IB wife here--I posted below about my standard of living being so much higher than what I grew up with. And I honestly have zero difficult saying no to my kids. They do have a lot of things--compared to how I grew up--but by the standards of other kids in our demo they are not overindulged at all. We do one big gift at Christmas or birthday and then some books and oen smaller thing. When we go to the store they totally know that they probably won't be getting anything. My oldest has started to notice that other families might do things differently--like the kids have a tv in their room--and I have no problem saying "we don't do that in our family" giving him the reasons we do it the way we do and that's it. They get an allowance on Sunday and if there's something they really, really want they could spend it on that. We could do better, but I think it's in any child's favor not to spoil them. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.15.08, 12:55 PM Flag
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np: i think either you are OK with saying no or you aren't, and its the same for money issues or anything else. i've told my kids i won't get them things we can easily afford, but i also tell them i'm not making them a separate dinner if they don't like what's on the table. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.15.08, 12:57 PM Flag
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I think you're right--you sound just like me. I don't short order cook either. My big sister lives at a much lower income level than I do and she told me once that if she had our income she would've never been able to say no to what her DD wanted (even though they had less income than we do I'd say her DD at my kids' ages had more than they do). And I told her it's just not hard because saying yes results in a bigger problem than saying no does. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.15.08, 01:00 PM Flag
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nnp: ITA. We are not wealthy, but definitely very comfortable and I say no all the time. DS knows that just because we are in a store, it does not mean he can ask for random things and even if he does, he's not getting them. I also have no problem saying that something is "not in our budget" whether it be to DS or to another adult. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.15.08, 01:07 PM Flag
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absolutely. someday your kid wil ask for somethign you don't want him to have, regardless of money (TV nteh room is a great example). you will need to say no and you should, unless you somehow have one of those kids that is an innate ascetic. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.15.08, 01:09 PM Flag
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funny thing is we put our old tv (19", 14yo) in DS's room so that we can hook up the portable DVD player to it, if for OUR convenience it would be easier for him to watch a DVD in his room. TV has no cable so it's not like it can be used otherwise, but DS never asks for it. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.15.08, 01:13 PM Flag
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my son doesnt have his own tv but he knows how to operate the family one. i'm sort of amazed he never tries to turn it on without permission, but so far so good! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.15.08, 01:14 PM Flag
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I grew up UMC, but I didn't live in NYC. If I lived where I grew up and made the money I make, I would also be UMC. but my dh runs a family business, always has and really isn't qualified after so long to do anything else, so we are stuck here where our income ($250K) doesn't afford the lifestyle I grew up with (priate school, fancy vacations 2x year, nice cars, expensive sweet 16, lots of nice clothes etc.) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.15.08, 11:29 AM Flag
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Hard to say because I lived in midwest. And in the 70s, a middle 100Ks salary got you a gold mine. Yes, I lived in luxury for most of my younger years (under 10), but things changed after parents divorced and we were just middle class. I make a ton of money anywhere else in the country but here (NYC area) I'm middle class. My DD goes to private school and wants for nothing except maybe more apartment space. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.15.08, 11:37 AM Flag
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My parents had more money than I do. My parents had more than they grew up with. But, I don't need or take help from them. That said, I think my kids will grow up richer in many ways. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.15.08, 12:04 PM Flag
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My standard of living now is far higher than it was growing up. So my kids are growing up at an economically level far beyond the one I was raised with. My mom was raised dirt poor--literally they didn't have shoes in the summer because it was too expensive to have them. She and my father got themselves into the middle class and sent all of us to college. I worry a little bit about my kids because they are growing up in a more privileged area w/ just more of everything. But considering out income, etc, I think we keep it pretty low-key. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.15.08, 12:38 PM Flag
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That is such a hard line to walk. Good for you. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.15.08, 12:47 PM Flag
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my kids are growing up with much more $$ thani did, and my parents did better than theirs did. its an issue for us because i do not want to haev entitled children. we live below our means but they are still having a very different childhood than i did. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.15.08, 12:42 PM Flag
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My parents were immigrants who had very little when they came to the US but were very frugal and have become moderately wealthy now. I was raised frugally, but with certain "extras" that they valued like private school. I definitely had more than they did, and I certainly do today and for my dcs. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.15.08, 01:04 PM Flag
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My DCs are seriously rich in love. DH and I grew up in households rich in $$ but never talked about love or feelings. We are middle class (at least by NYC standards, but DCs are seriously so attended to and cared for in so many ways other than jetting to Europe or the Caribbean every year and having a house in the Hamptons. Luxuries are great, but at the end of the day we don't have anything really but each other. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.15.08, 01:08 PM Flag
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