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07.14.08, 20:54 PM General Topics
51 replies
If you thought your DH had a mistress and knew who she was would you confront her? [ Reply | Watch | Flag ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 08:54 PM Flag
 

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General Topics 07.14.08, 08:55 PM Flag
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why a discussion with dh? Yes - I think I should talk to him too - but I also want to talk to the other woman [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.14.08, 08:58 PM Flag
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you're kidding me right -- you have no relationship with the mistress -- your marriage may be in trouble -- talking to the woman will be an ugly useless confrontation that you'll regret initiating. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.14.08, 09:07 PM Flag
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General Topics 07.14.08, 09:09 PM Flag
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Sorry to be impolite here, but you're fooling yourself. She's the symptom, not the problem. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.14.08, 09:11 PM Flag
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A symptom that is further contributing to the problem [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.14.08, 09:12 PM Flag
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DH keeps showing up to sleep with her. She can't do it by herself. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.14.08, 09:12 PM Flag
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But maybe if there was too much drama and it wasn't so easy she would back off. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.14.08, 09:15 PM Flag
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np: follow your gut. If you want to confront do it but you have to be prepared for nastiness from her or she may be shocked..who knows but it's not about her. It's about getting things off your chest. I know ppl don't agree with me but I disagree when ppl say the mistress isn't at fault but only the dh. They both are [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.15.08, 03:52 AM Flag
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but that won't help in the long run. he will just try to someone or something else. The problem you need to fix is with him, not her. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.15.08, 06:01 AM Flag
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no.no.no. If she's knows he's married, she LOVES drama. Do Not Feed The Beast! Also, the last thing you need is a complaint or restraining order against YOU. I know of this happening more than once. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.15.08, 08:01 AM Flag
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np: how do you know that she isn't pushing herself on him? I know it takes 2 but he's wrong and so is she. If this lady wants to confront...I SAY DO IT [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.15.08, 03:51 AM Flag
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General Topics 07.15.08, 03:50 AM Flag
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np. wow, good for you. What an awful situation for you to have walked in on!! did you need therapy? I would've... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.15.08, 08:07 AM Flag
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Figure out a way to get them together (or catch them together) and confront them both at the same time. If he has to make a choice in front of her, that will likely be you -- just for that momemt -- and it will make her mad at him. Afterward, he'll probably go back to her and apologize, but you'll get some initial satisfaction at least. Been there, done that. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.15.08, 07:19 AM Flag
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How would his lying in her face-again- give her momentary satisfaction???? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.15.08, 08:09 AM Flag
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Oh no you don't; you don't need to, either. If your suspicions are correct this would only lead to an endless spiral of 3rd degree torture sessions w/yourself and (your hopefully soon to be EX) jerk. No way do you need to drag it out, if this is what's happening. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.15.08, 01:11 PM Flag
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Why on earth would you want to talk to HER? I'd sit HIS ass down and read him a little riot act. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.14.08, 09:08 PM Flag
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He's non confrontational so when I go bolistic he says nothing. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.14.08, 09:11 PM Flag
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No, that's called being passive-agressive. You need to make him some ultimatums and deal in his currency. Otherwise you'll get nowhere. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.14.08, 09:11 PM Flag
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The problem with my ultimatums is that I haven't followed through on them and he knows it. Hate to have my dcs have no father present day to day. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.14.08, 09:13 PM Flag
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Time to follow through [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.14.08, 09:51 PM Flag
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Is it better for them to have a father who is such a poor role model? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.14.08, 10:36 PM Flag
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You need to get some counseling even if he won't because you will be so much better off when you learn to set limits with everyone. It sounds like you need to improve your self respect. Your kids won't benefit from a mom who lacks self respect. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.15.08, 04:47 AM Flag
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Get some counselling for yourself or both together. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.14.08, 09:14 PM Flag
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He won't go. I have an appointment for the 1st time next week - but this is eating away at me. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.14.08, 09:16 PM Flag
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Then just go yourself. It will help you sort out your priorities and possibly give you some language to use when talking to dh. You must keep your own sanity, so counseling for you alone is a good thing. Keep that appt. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.14.08, 09:18 PM Flag
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I'll go - don't know what else to do at this point. I just really hope it works in some way. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.14.08, 09:21 PM Flag
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I don't think you should confront her, but if you into seeking drama, I'd focus more on trying to catch them in the act. Then you'd have the revenge of seeing them squirm and scrabble. Hee, hee, hee. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.14.08, 09:52 PM Flag
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this is about your husband, not her -- why would you have an affect on her if you arent' having one on your husband? get counselling and maybe see a lawyer [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.15.08, 03:19 AM Flag
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No, the issue is with DH. You cannot control his environment like that back off. He will stay or he will go but confronting mistress will be a sure way to keep him from coming home [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.15.08, 03:41 AM Flag
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you're damn right I would. Mind you I would confront dh too (first) but she wouldn't be left out of it. She had the balls to sleep with a married man, she needs to be prepared to deal with the wife. For all of the women who say she isn't at fault, I have to wonder if they themselves have been mistresses...because if a lady (or man) sleeps with a married person (that they know is married) they are wrong. 100% wrong and deserve to be confronted. They don't get a free pass [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.15.08, 03:48 AM Flag
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Maybe they don't get a free pass but I think the OP is way off here. Her DH is non reactive to her confrontation so she is seeking another one. While it is always shi**y to sleep with a married man, the woman did not stand up and promise to be faithful to her, that was her husband who broke the vow. OP think that by confronting the mistress, it will make the affair end since she can't get her DH to end it apparently. That you would want to stay in that marriage is beyond sad to me.GL [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.15.08, 04:24 AM Flag
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This response is the best one. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.15.08, 08:45 AM Flag
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Heads Up! We have a stright guy with sense on this thread.. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.15.08, 01:06 PM Flag
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*whoops; I meant straight, as in hetero. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.15.08, 01:07 PM Flag
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The mistress is not the person who is bound to loyalty in a relationship with the wife, the DH is. The mistress is taking a turn at the wheel of fortune nothing more. It has nothing to do with her. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.15.08, 04:53 AM Flag
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taking a turn at the wheel of fortune? and NOTHING more? WTF? sounds like a former mistress speaking.... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.15.08, 08:10 AM Flag
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no. your beef is not with her. it is with your dh [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.15.08, 06:22 AM Flag
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When I was in my 20's and first went away to grad school, I got involved with a guy (we both had long distance relationships). His gf called me to confront me and while it freaked me out - I LAUGHED. I thought it was pathetic and gave me a great story to tell me friends. Only confront her if you are willing to be the butt of her jokes. She is not your problem - dh is. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.15.08, 06:23 AM Flag
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For what purpose? I don't get this at all. Deal with your dh. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.15.08, 06:25 AM Flag
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If you are 'correct' then by no means initiate involvement w/ the 3rd party. There will likely already be a sense of involvement in your life-via the connection of 'partnering in crime' w/your selfish bitch of a husband. Do not foster any sense of further involvement or establish any path of discourse w/ this person under ANY circumstances. Assess the situation as best as you can for yourself and w/ your bitch husband; get a therapist(or speak w/yours) and retain counsel. It will empower others, disempower you and convolute the true situation, to cave in to a primordial urge for misplaced vengeance, which is what confronting the 3rd party amounts to. Do not create extenuating drama; it will distract from the true drama which- I'm so sorry-already exists. Most jerks(men &women) will try to align themselves w/their spouse when confronted; tht's when you can let fly. Best of Luck-I hope you're rid of him soon! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.15.08, 06:39 AM Flag
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ITA - great advice here [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.15.08, 06:48 AM Flag
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sorry to hear about. This does suck and she does suck-BUT he sucks the hardest! So like I've already said, keep your distance from that person. If he tries to scurry back into the fold, she will likely, actively pursue him and attempt to further disrupt his life. Let her play herself out-her actions may warrant some action on your part-i.e. restraining order, kicking him out-whatever- but don't forget that he is not your friend and don't offer him any alliance to shut her out. He has HIS mess-You have Yours; remain focused on cleaning up your own act. If you have kids, start with having him get out of the home; there's bound to be damage control you need to deal with-he's too busy to be of any real use and if you can stay strong for yourself, get through the heartbreak and keep on, you WILL have renewed love, loyalty and faith-IN Yourself. Best of Luck. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.15.08, 07:50 AM Flag
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yourself, you will come out of this with renewed love for, loyalty to and faith in YOURSELF. It's a good time to keep faith that the truth will set you free. I hope you repost over time; this is tough. I know we're anonymous but there will be support for you here. Best of Luck. He sounds like a prick; whether he's screwing around with someone else or not, he IS screwing around with you. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.15.08, 07:57 AM Flag
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I hope he has way more $$$ than ethics or good sense. Vindictive yes and practical, too! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.15.08, 08:07 AM Flag
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confronting her may motivate your husband to stay away from her for a little while but before long he will be sniffing around her door again and you'll feel even worse. Your husband is a selfish jerk (passive agressive, won't go to therapy, still cheating on you). Go talk to a lawyer. Take all his money and have the last laugh. He sucks. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.15.08, 06:52 AM Flag
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By the way what evidence do you have? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.15.08, 08:56 AM Flag
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Are you 100% sure he is having an affair? And 100% sure it is her? Would be horrible to be wrong about the infidelity or confront the wrong person! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.15.08, 11:50 AM Flag
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Send her an anonymous note telling her that " [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.15.08, 12:55 PM Flag
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Send her anonymous note saying that "Everyone knows her dirty secret". Tell her that you found her dirty underwear. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.15.08, 12:56 PM Flag
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