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07.14.08, 06:07 AM General Topics
16 replies
Anyone on who has a hard time letting things go? Had an ugly scene with a friend and while it ended amicably, I'm still really pissed. Not really an option to completely cut her out right now and I LOGICALLY know there is no reason to rehash anything my EMOTIONS want to call her and say "What about THIS? And THIS?!?." I feel like I definitely got the raw end of the deal and I need encouragement to LET IT GO. I'm going to stay busy today but still- how do you bite your tongue. Any mantras for me to repeat? Any help at all? [ Reply | Watch | Flag ]
General Topics 07.14.08, 06:07 AM Flag
 

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did you hurt her feelings? honestly? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.14.08, 06:08 AM Flag
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oh i did, for sure. kind of a not what i said but how i said it. but she got her dh involved which is what pisses me off the most. a) i would never have known she was upset if he hadn't gotten involved and b) holy shit- her dh is involved? is this jr high? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.14.08, 06:09 AM Flag
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np: sounds like you enjoy the drama? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.14.08, 06:10 AM Flag
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what in the world about my post makes it sound like i enjoy the drama? if i enjoyed it, i'd tell her everything on my mind, no problem! i hate the drama. i've just spent a week feeling like i've been ganged up on somehow. i'm working on getting over it. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.14.08, 06:12 AM Flag
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everything about it reads drama. Can you pull back and revisit the situation in a week & then take it from there [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.14.08, 06:14 AM Flag
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well - it is a week later. just so you know, the reason i am posting on an anonymous board is to figure this out myself - without involving anyone else - without badmouthing my friend to anyone. if that "reads drama" then fine. but i hope your job doesn't have anything to do with counseling or helping people. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.14.08, 06:17 AM Flag
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Come on- don't get defensive. What read drama was the run of questions, the capitals, the !?! It's great you are working on it. I'm not a religious person, but I recently read the prayer of St. Francis which says "Grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled...as to console. To be understood..as to understand. To be loved as to love....For it is in pardoning, that we are pardoned." When you're always focusing on the raw deal you got, you're making it all about you. Here's another great quote: To ignore the faults in others is greatness. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.14.08, 06:22 AM Flag
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all that matters, in the end, is that you hurt the feelings of someone you love. you need to take responsibility for that and let her know you're sorry that you hurt her feelings and that, for whatever reason, she apparently didn't feel safe enough to tell you directly. if you were on your death bed, that's all that would matter: making sure that someone you love knows you love them. the rest is just static. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.14.08, 06:11 AM Flag
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thank you. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.14.08, 06:13 AM Flag
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you're welcome. feeling self-righteous is always a red-flag for me that i am forgetting the above and getting dug in to a self-centered perspective. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.14.08, 06:14 AM Flag
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np well said. You are so right [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.14.08, 06:13 AM Flag
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Well then, good thing he did get involved. You never would have known she was upset otherwise. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.14.08, 06:22 AM Flag
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Try Pema Chodron's book- Don't Bite the Hook [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.14.08, 06:08 AM Flag
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letting go is like forgiveness. Neither is a one time thing. They both require multiple acts of will. Just keep trying. Remind yourself it doesn't matter in the end. Make yourself think of 3 positive things about her and the relationship everytime you have a negative thought about her. GL [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.14.08, 06:12 AM Flag
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good advice. thanks. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.14.08, 06:13 AM Flag
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you are totally me. i keep going over tense issues over and over in my head. going through one right now with a friend that is being really passive aggressive. free time is my enemy to dwell on it. i just stay busy and remind myself of the good times of the past and am learning to let the friendship end gracefully. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.14.08, 06:20 AM Flag
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