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07.13.08, 17:22 PM General Topics
38 replies
My in-laws are going down hill fast. It's like everything is breaking; they know they're declining and are angry, needy, demanding and difficult; and this is what we're going to be dealing with for the foreseeable future. Does anyone have anything positive or hopeful to say? [ Reply | Watch | Flag ]
General Topics 07.13.08, 05:22 PM Flag
 

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your time will come. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.13.08, 05:23 PM Flag
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And that's supposed to be hopeful? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.13.08, 05:24 PM Flag
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Yes, I hope it gives you some perspective and allows you to help them. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.13.08, 05:25 PM Flag
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We're going to help them regardless of how we feel about it. Just wondered if anyone had gone through this and had strategies that worked. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.13.08, 05:28 PM Flag
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You just do what needs to be done. And you are in control of your mood and your reactions, thats it. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.13.08, 05:30 PM Flag
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NP: Not everyone responds like this though. To be angry, demanding and difficult is unnecessary. I have a lot of elderly people in my family who have ailments. They don't become nasty because of it. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.13.08, 05:24 PM Flag
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people die like they live. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.13.08, 05:25 PM Flag
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np: ita with this, unfortunately. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.13.08, 05:26 PM Flag
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MIL was always somewhat difficult, but I still liked her and liked having her around. Now, she just so hard to be around, and seems miserable. This ISN'T how she was her whole life; it's upsetting that she's ending up this way. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.13.08, 05:27 PM Flag
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Well, can you talk about feelings and suggest therapy? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.13.08, 05:28 PM Flag
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So true. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.13.08, 05:27 PM Flag
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I know. hard to realize, but helpful once you do. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.13.08, 05:29 PM Flag
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depression in the elderly is very underdiagnosed. do you think they might benefit from antidepressants? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.13.08, 05:24 PM Flag
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Yes. We tried to get MIL to take antidepresents because she's so angry and stressed all the time, and she took them for 3 days, felt they were upsetting her stomach (which is always problematic) and stopped. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.13.08, 05:25 PM Flag
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i'm sorry. it's hard. do you have a relationship with their primary care physician? some docs are good at getting the elderly to take antidepressant under the guise of some of their side effects (this will help you sleep, help you hurt less, help your nerves/your stomach, etc.). [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.13.08, 05:28 PM Flag
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She doesn't have a primary care physician - another problem. Just goes to many specialists without someone managing her meds, etc. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.13.08, 05:29 PM Flag
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see below. try to get her to go to a geriatric specialist and talk with her/him ahead of time (or go with her to the appt) about the depression/irritability. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.13.08, 05:31 PM Flag
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What? OP is no more qualified to dx depression in her in laws than I am. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.13.08, 05:35 PM Flag
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or: op is perfectly qualified to let the doc know about a significant change in MIL's baseline mood and behavior - it's highly relevant for the doc. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.13.08, 05:36 PM Flag
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op: this is what I think dh needs to do. Communicate directly with her doctor about substantial changes in her personality, mood, and memory that have occurred in the lat 18 months. But he's reluctant. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.13.08, 05:41 PM Flag
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taking acidopholis sp? helps their tummy also eating a lot of natural yogurt can ease the stomach cramping etc.. just a suggestion. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.13.08, 05:30 PM Flag
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^^ also, sometimes getting them to a geriatric specialist can be helpful in terms of accurate dx, identifying med interactions, ability to relate to them more effectively, etc. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.13.08, 05:30 PM Flag
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Makes my blood boil. The woman has a right to refuse meds. Her doc has not right to trick her into them. The woman said they upset her stomach. The OP acts as if that wasn't even necessarily true. Old doesn't mean that they have no rights or control over how they go out. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.13.08, 05:31 PM Flag
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or here: boil all you effin' want for all i care. i've btdt. have you? if not, then hush. you have no idea what a difference it can make in the quality of life of someone you love and your own life as well when someone is appropriately medicated. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.13.08, 05:34 PM Flag
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Yes, I have. Fil died in my living room after many months of care. Are you still going to vote me off the thread? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.13.08, 05:38 PM Flag
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i'm going to suggest that caring for someone dying is not the same as caring for someone who is depressed. i'm sorry about your fil, but they are different situations. i am trying to describe caring for someone who is living, infirm and depressed. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.13.08, 05:41 PM Flag
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you are a trip. A) you have no idea what my fils mental state was and B) you have no idea what OPs MIL's mental state is, but carry on... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.13.08, 05:46 PM Flag
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^^ and it's not "tricking" someone. many elderly associate great stigma with meds that are prescribed overtly for what they see as "mental problems". describing the relevant impact of the medications in other words is very different from sneaking it into their food or something. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.13.08, 05:39 PM Flag
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OP: Am I saying she doesn't have a right to refuse meds? I don't think she should be tricked. But I do see that a this woman who seemed to get a lot of joy out of life is absolutely miserable, and creating distance between herself and her dh and her children. 3 days is really not enough time to determine impact of medication. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.13.08, 05:35 PM Flag
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how many days is? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.13.08, 05:42 PM Flag
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It usually takes a few weeks for your body to adjust, and for you to feel an impact. I think MIL took the pills for 3 days, didn't feel any "happier" and dropped them (confused them with xanax or other fast acting anti-anxiety meds) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.13.08, 05:44 PM Flag
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np: 6 weeks is what it takes for the full antidepressant affect to come about with current generation antidepressants. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.13.08, 05:45 PM Flag
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What goes around comes around [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.13.08, 05:24 PM Flag
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Any BIL's or SIL's? Ally with them and share the responsibilities. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.13.08, 05:25 PM Flag
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I recently read in the NY Times online that there is a new blog for just this situation. Basically a place for people caring for aging parents to share info, etc. GL [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.13.08, 05:47 PM Flag
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There is a great story about a man and his father - and the mans son - has to do with carving a wooden bowl. Know it? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.13.08, 05:48 PM Flag
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no - do you have a title or author? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.13.08, 05:51 PM Flag
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no you could google. But it goes like this. Adult man is taking care of his dad. His dad gets old and feeble. Old guy drops the dishes and they break. Adult man yells and makes his dad use a wooden bowl and cup. Fast forward about an hour. Adult man walks in to childs room. Child is trying to carve in a piece of wood. Adult man says, what are you doing. child says, making a wooden bowl and cup for you when you get old. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.13.08, 05:55 PM Flag
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