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07.13.08, 14:30 PM General Topics
41 replies
I have been involved w/ a guy... we've had many ups and downs but we always seem to come back to the "relationship" and despite a lot of $hit that's gone on neither of us it seems can just walk away from it. We are pretty honest w/ each other at this point, and he told me he thinks we share similar views about life and how we want to live one day. We have amazing sexual chemistry and really enjoy spending time w/ each other but he has told me that, although he is not the boyfriend type, he is willing to try to work to find some sort of solution. I just don't understand how you can have such an amazing physical and emotional connection w/ someone and they don't at least want to give it a try. I told him I just don't think he is that "into me" but he said he wants to be with me, albeit in a no-strings-attached kind of way, which is not what I want. I am starting to think he is gay... am I crazy? [ Reply | Watch | Flag ]
General Topics 07.13.08, 02:30 PM Flag
 

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risky. people don't change much. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.13.08, 02:31 PM Flag
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you're right - whatever his issues are I need to get over him and move on - it'll always be like this [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.13.08, 02:32 PM Flag
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you have amazing sexual chemistry but you think he's gay? uh, no. he just likes the sex. if he doesn't want to commit, you have to walk, no run away fast. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.13.08, 02:32 PM Flag
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thx for the advice - like I said he says he can't just walk away, etc, and I just have a hard time believing it's solely due to sex, but I guess it's possible [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.13.08, 02:35 PM Flag
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how old are you both? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.13.08, 02:40 PM Flag
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I'm 28 he's 32 [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.13.08, 02:41 PM Flag
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oh geez - you are far to old not the get what is going on here - [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.13.08, 02:43 PM Flag
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you know, I know you're thinking I'm naive, and maybe I am a little bit, but I always try to see the best in people and be hopeful/optimistic about things in my life, which I think overall is a good thing but apparently not in this situation. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.13.08, 02:44 PM Flag
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If you are ok having sex when he feels like it with no emotional or financial investment from him - and the reality that he is having sex with other people too - then it's fine to go with that. But if you want more you need to cut him off now and get on with your life - think of all the great guys you are passing everyday because you "have a guy"\ [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.13.08, 02:47 PM Flag
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I am so NOT fine w/ that, thanks for your advice, totally needed to hear all this. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.13.08, 02:49 PM Flag
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I hope I haven't sounded smug - because I did the same as you for almost 3 years with a guy who wanted me when he wanted me and made me feel great when we were together, but he only called when convenient for him. And yes I considered him my boyfriend until I was totally miserable about his lack of committment - now I realize he was never a real boyfriend. I met dh 2 mo later and we have been married 17 years now and have 3 dc. You will too [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.13.08, 02:52 PM Flag
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Oh no - not @ all, I really appreciate your straightforward-ness. Your ex-situation sounds exactly like mine - when we are together it is so amazing it's almost like I'm addicted to it (I realize how unhealthy that is in and of itself) and that is probably why it's so difficult/scary to leave it - fear that I'm never going to feel that way about someone again. But I do have a positive, optimistic outlook and I know there is someone else out there for me... so thank you. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.13.08, 02:57 PM Flag
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exactly - I adored my ex guy, was thrilled when he called. But my dh adored me and wanted a committment from almost the beginning. That's the kind of guy you want to spend your life with - the one who loves making you happy and making you feel special [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.13.08, 03:09 PM Flag
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I dumped a relationship like that too after 2.5 years when I met my dh to be and he wanted to go out with me and pursued me until I agreed. when i told ex that I couldn't see him anymore that I'd met someone great, he said "wow I didn't even know I had an competition. maybe I'm ready to be serious with you now." I said no and never looked back [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.13.08, 03:14 PM Flag
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^^np obviously [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.13.08, 03:14 PM Flag
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wow, then what happened w/ the ex?? did he try to get you back? or did he just walk away? how old were both of you? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.13.08, 03:17 PM Flag
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I was 24 he was 33. I saw him a few times after that - when he asked how I was I said things are really great, new guy and I are very happy together. I never left it open for him to make a move. He called about 2 years after and said he'd looked me up and wanted to make sure that new guy appreciated how great I am and is treating me well. I said thanks, he is. Hope you are doing well too. Good by. It's been years since and I don't think he knows my married name. I do think of him often and fondly in many ways [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.13.08, 03:21 PM Flag
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OP: wow, I really like your story, thanks for sharing. I could see this being my situation too someday. I'm glad you can look back at it in a positive light. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.13.08, 03:23 PM Flag
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Don't waste any more time with him. You'll thank us later. Good luck. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.13.08, 05:32 PM Flag
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ITA. do you have children? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.13.08, 02:33 PM Flag
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no [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.13.08, 02:34 PM Flag
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he's told you he wants no strings--time to move on. he's not going to change [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.13.08, 02:35 PM Flag
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well he didn't exactly say no strings but he did say he [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.13.08, 02:37 PM Flag
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^^is not the boyfriend type [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.13.08, 02:37 PM Flag
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that's code for "I just want sex" [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.13.08, 02:38 PM Flag
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yeah, I guess I just don't want to accept that that is the case because I really do like him but I need to start seeing the situation for what it is. :( [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.13.08, 02:42 PM Flag
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He might actually find that he likes you enough to pursue you romantically - not just sexually - when you grow a backbone and self-respect [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.13.08, 02:44 PM Flag
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and how do I do that? obv aside from telling him I can't do this anymore b/c it's not what I want [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.13.08, 02:45 PM Flag
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You do just that - with clear conviction and not ambiguity - and you don't take his calls or emails and you don't try to still be friends [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.13.08, 02:48 PM Flag
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when he meets the right woman he will become the boyfriend type [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.13.08, 02:38 PM Flag
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You sound like an easy booty call [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.13.08, 02:36 PM Flag
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oh, great, thanks [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.13.08, 02:37 PM Flag
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does he take you out once a twice a week and pay, does he send you flowers, does he buy you a b-day present? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.13.08, 02:38 PM Flag
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no no and no [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.13.08, 02:40 PM Flag
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well why would he walk away from your situation - he has a great thing going [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.13.08, 02:40 PM Flag
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and it's good cheap (free) fun-np [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.13.08, 02:41 PM Flag
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sounds like he wants his cake and to eat it too [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.13.08, 03:03 PM Flag
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yes.... and I need to stop being the enabler of that [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.13.08, 03:04 PM Flag
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yes, if you are not happy with the situation and want more, you are selling yourself short. if you are happy in the time being, then roll with it... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.13.08, 03:08 PM Flag
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I am definitely selling myself short. I want someone who truly cares about me and wants to be part of my life and wants me to be part of his and is at least open to the idea of a relationship at some point down the road, and I don't mean in 5 years. Despite what he tells me, none of his actions have demonstrated that. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.13.08, 03:10 PM Flag
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there ya go! answered your own question [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.13.08, 03:12 PM Flag
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