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07.12.08, 17:23 PM General Topics
23 replies
my inlaws think my dd is bratty. she's 5yo and can be difficult, but she's 5. she is also bright, funny and joyful at times. my mil (step) called her a drama queen. they got completely offended when she didn't say hello when they first came in - she's slow to warm up. It's really a problem because i don't want to spend time with them anymore. they are in their 60's and they are far from poised. what should i say? or do? i said that she was feeling shy when they came in but they take it personally. so annoying... [ Reply | Watch | Flag ]
General Topics 07.12.08, 05:23 PM Flag
 

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Its rude not to say hello when someone enters a room. My kids do that too sometimes but I correct them because they are wrong. I'm not saying your in laws are right but don't make excuses for bad behavior either. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.12.08, 05:24 PM Flag
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i work on that with her all the time. she's better, but it's tough for her. she doesn't say hello all the time. it's her personality, even when she was a baby she would cry when people talked to her. and then when she was a toddler she would turn away from people and ignore them. she's very introverted at first. like i said, i'm working on it with her. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.12.08, 05:28 PM Flag
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btw - my ds is not like this at all. he's much more social than she is. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.12.08, 05:29 PM Flag
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OR: I have to disagree - saying hello and having good manners is training, not personality. But its good to know you are working on it. Why not tell MIL that its a work in progress? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.12.08, 05:29 PM Flag
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it is training, but some kids are very outgoing and some are very introverted. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.12.08, 05:31 PM Flag
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np: OR is a sanctimonious bitch. OP, I also have one of each, an introvert & extrovert and there is sometimes NOTHING you can do to force the shy one to "submit." I would tell MIL that it is something you are working on, but that she must respect dd too. They are people just like adults, with distinct personalities and faults. You're doing the best you can. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.12.08, 05:35 PM Flag
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eh, sorry - the world doesn't have different rules for different personalities. Pleasant manners make people more likeable. OP may not like her MIL bluntness but she is merely saying what others are thinking. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.12.08, 05:36 PM Flag
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ok, so how can i make her say hello? like i said sometimes she does it and sometimes she doesn't. so what do you suggest doing when she is very shy and putting her face to my chest and clinging to me? or just looking down. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.12.08, 05:39 PM Flag
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sorry, sanctimonious rules do not apply to me and my children. We do the best we can. You sound more like a prison guard than a mom and we don't live on cell block #9. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.12.08, 05:44 PM Flag
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omigod, thank you!!! i just posted the same thing. you can't FORCE them to say hello. how can you even do that????? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.12.08, 05:37 PM Flag
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ITA. Taking time to warm up is not a good excuse..children need to learn to say hello and goodbye, once you do that, I'm sure your inlaws will come around. That generation has no tolerance of children who are not polite (my IL constantly complain about niece and nephew not saying hello) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.12.08, 05:28 PM Flag
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np - I'm 30 and I have no tolerance for it either! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.12.08, 05:30 PM Flag
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its hard to hear negative comments about your dc, but she probably is a drama queen. I think that if you acknowledge that it will be easier. I suspect you are taking it personally and hearing it as a criticsim of your parenting skills. Some children are drama queens. Try and teach her to speak to people when they enter the room. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.12.08, 05:26 PM Flag
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Are they right? 5 year olds can be bratty and dramatic and loveable and charming too. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.12.08, 05:26 PM Flag
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i think the problem is that they don't have any other children in their life. they haven't been exposed to kids for close to forty years. she never has, because she never had them. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.12.08, 05:30 PM Flag
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But don't you want to raise children who you don't have to make excuses for? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.12.08, 05:31 PM Flag
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i said i'm working on it. but i can't grab her face force her to look at them and make her say hello. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.12.08, 05:36 PM Flag
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meanwhile, when we go to their house my fil doesn't come out to say hello. you could be there half an hour before you see him. so, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.12.08, 05:34 PM Flag
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OP I gotta say you are full of excuses, sounds liek the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.12.08, 05:39 PM Flag
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i still haven't gotten any meaningful ideas, just a lot of judgement. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.12.08, 05:40 PM Flag
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Well, It's about your child-not your in-laws. Besides modeling appropriate behaviour you can have simple, short conversations w/ your child realating to feelings. It feels good to be acknowledged and not so good to feel ignored. It's always been strange -since childhood- to hear the adage, "Treat others as you would have then treat you." In our home, we practice treating others as we treat ourselves- with respect and consideration. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.12.08, 08:14 PM Flag
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and I do confess that some days, I've lost my patience, as I've been torn between wanting to let my kid be herself and thinking that the behavior stems from some of her immature control mechanisms. I try to stick with not giving it too much attention overall but we definitely discuss respect of self and others. Eye contact and verbal communication are instinctive in 'typical' human nature. Sometimes it's hard to hold back from telling our kids things we know they know but that action can sometimes give more power to that behavior than is productive. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.13.08, 12:13 AM Flag
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My younger DS is like this. We had a series of discussions about feelings, and how he acts affects other people's feelings. He is much better now that it's not about "what he's supposed to do" but about "making sure he doesn't hurt other people's feelings." [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.12.08, 08:31 PM Flag
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