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07.11.08, 17:56 PM General Topics
18 replies
Continuation from my earlier post... what did i do that lead to my friend dumping me? I yelled at her. I lost my temper and yelled at her. I also apologized for it later on. I lost it bc I felt like I spent a lot of time, effort and energy listening to her (a boyfriend had just ended things in a relatively nasty way). But when I wanted to talk abt something serious related to my parents, she told me she didn't have the time. And I lost it. That was pretty much the end of the friendship. [ Reply | Watch | Flag ]
General Topics 07.11.08, 05:56 PM Flag
 

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Sounds like a fairweather friend. I know it's hard. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 05:58 PM Flag
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mid-twenties. now mid-thirties. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 06:04 PM Flag
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think you meant to respond to my age question. i'd say, we do stupid things in our 20s. so maybe see her, go slow. you both have grown up, no? and real friends are rare. it means something that she's trying now. you're both older...who knows. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 06:06 PM Flag
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yes, i did mean to reply to your age post. i agree with you on all your points. but my life is rather complicated at the moment. not bad complicated, but complicated. we don't live anywhere near each other. and i'm not sure what it woudl even mean to reconnect. altho, she may be visiting our home town at the same time we will be. so we might be able to see each other. it makes me very nervous to see her. the last time i saw her was right after I yelled at her. we had dinner and i apologized. she was not very kind or gracious. and she was a difficult friend to begin with. in my 30s, i would not choose to become friends with a person like her. (and i'm scared to give her the benefit of the doubt only to find out she is at core, too similar) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 06:08 PM Flag
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so you haven't seen her for 10 years? well, she's probably the same person but you guys also were close to begin with no? you both screwed up. you seem to feel like she could hurt you again, but you're not really open to her -- therefore not really vunerable. in some ways you have the upper hand. i'd say meet her for coffee. if she pisses you off, you'll know she's a total write-off. if she doesn't...take it one step at a time. be cautious. what do you have to lose? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 06:13 PM Flag
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in my list of priorities, I'm not sure she falls high enough for me to give up time with dd, my parents, or my work to spend a couple hours talking with her over coffee. we're in the middle of a huge international move. I'm staying with my parents and helping them with daily life (my dad has some health issues). and so much else going on. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 06:15 PM Flag
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oh. well then clearly, it doesn't make sense to see her. she may no longer be a difficult friend, but it seems like you don't have room in your life for much else at the moment -- friends, difficult or not. so move on. not a big deal. if she's a real friend she'll wait and resurface. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 06:18 PM Flag
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you're right. absolutely right. i'll just deal with this on my time when i'm ready. she'll have to understand. thanks for reading and responding to this. it's very appreciated. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 06:19 PM Flag
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you're welcome. it's great that you're thinking about it. but if you were in a less stressful moment in your life, it wouldn't be such a worrisome issue. good luck. just tell her you'll call her after the move. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 06:21 PM Flag
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Didn't see your earlier post. Does she always blow you off or maybe she was just busy this one time? If the latter, I would say good riddance she sounds very self-centered. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 05:58 PM Flag
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this was about 10 yrs ago and after this she dumped me as a friend. i heard from her recently saying she wants to reconnect. she also apologized and said that she acted immaturely and didn't give me as much as i gave her.total apology. but i'm not sure i can get back into the friendship. i was badly hurt. don't know that i want to get into it again. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 06:00 PM Flag
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go with your gut [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 06:02 PM Flag
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my gut goes back and forth. her apology was so on the mark. dealt with every feeling i've had about this. on the other hand, i don't quite get why now and can't help but feel there's an alterior motive. (altho what it would be i have no idea) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 06:03 PM Flag
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you could just see how it goes, you're not signing any contracts [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 06:04 PM Flag
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true. very true. (and your response made me smile). i already asked her why now adn that's when she apologized. i haven't replied yet. not quite sure what to say. i'm thinking i'll just be honest, tell her how hurt I was and that I'm not sure how i feel. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 06:06 PM Flag
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how old were you guys when all this went down? hold old are you now? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 05:59 PM Flag
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I make it a rule to spend my time with people I like and like me. I never waste my time on people who want nothing more than to such all the air out of the room. sounds like your "friend" is a suck the air out of the room person. be glad and move on. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 05:59 PM Flag
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funny you say that. this happened abt ten years ago. she recently reconnected with me. after the friendship ended back then, after I got over the hurt, i realized that i hadn't been happy in the relationship and that it was better it was over. but when we were friends, i treated things as if we were sisters. she was as close as I had to one. and you don't just walk away from a sister. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 06:02 PM Flag
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