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07.11.08, 05:49 AM Preschool/Kids
30 replies
I think my friend's dd is transgender. She's 4. I am dying to talk to friend about it but it's probably not my business, and she probably has not even thought about it. [ Reply | Watch | Flag ]
Preschool/Kids 07.11.08, 05:49 AM Flag
 

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transgender or tomboy or lesbian? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 05:51 AM Flag
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omg - keep your opinion about this to yourself. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 05:52 AM Flag
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Can a 4 yo even be transgender? I thought most didn't realize it until around puberty. MYOB either way. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 05:54 AM Flag
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did you see that barbara walters special the other night about little 2 year olds coming out as transgender? it's really heartbreaking and does happen. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 06:12 AM Flag
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Yes I saw that. It didn't surprise me at all. But it was very sad. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 06:15 AM Flag
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You are CRAZY. You really are nuts. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 06:04 AM Flag
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NP: I think it's really sad that someone would post "You are crazy" as a response to a real concern. It just shows how biased and insensitive we are to transgender people. If this little girl really is transgender, and as a psychotherapist it sounds like she may be (but who knows, we don't know the little girl and can't observe her here), she will be faced with a very difficult world. The friend's concern is very real. The transgender issue is a cruel twist of fate and transgendered people, whether 4 or 44, should be treated with kindness and care, and those of us who are concerned for their welfare are certainly not CRAZY. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 07:27 AM Flag
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why do you think this? give specifics. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 06:15 AM Flag
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She constantly declares that she is a boy, will only wear boy clothes, will not talk to or play with any girls, walks like a boy, acts like a boy, and it seems to go beyond tomboyishness. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 06:20 AM Flag
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np: and you think your friend hasn't noticed? You think you need to make a big deal out of it? Why? What result are you hoping for? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 06:20 AM Flag
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She is 4! My brother did the girl thing when he was young, but he's not transgender or gay. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 06:33 AM Flag
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DH here. I agree with this. Up until I was around 10 years of age I was very feminine. I friends were all girls, I played with dolls, etc. etc. I was definitely not transgender, [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 08:19 AM Flag
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my SIL told everyone her name was Mike b/c she wanted to play football instead of dolls. And wore boy clothes b/c they made more sense for similar reasons. she's totally normal, feminine, married mom of two these days. Plus one of her daughters is a total girlie-girl, which is hilarious. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 02:00 PM Flag
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NP: The difference is supposed to be that many children want to be "like" the opposite sex or even want to "be" the oposite sex, but transgendered children insist that they "ARE" the opposite sex. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 02:14 PM Flag
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but not at the age of 4 [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 05:35 PM Flag
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4 is LATE for a truly trans-gendered child to express their certainty that they are of the opposite sex in their soul. Truly trans-gendered kids start clarifying that they are really boys or girls around age 2...the same age that most children begin to understand that they are boys or girls and become aware of their bodies. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 06:47 PM Flag
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source please [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 07:25 PM Flag
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do you have any degrees in child psychology? if not, shut yer piehole. and tell the girl if kisses her own elbow she will magically turn into a boy. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 06:45 AM Flag
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Wow, how vicious. People get so enraged when it comes to sexuality. Read the therapists response above. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 08:24 AM Flag
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how exactly does a 4 yo "walk like a boy?" [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 08:15 AM Flag
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maybe she's transgender, maybe she's not. either way, its really inappropriate for you to bring it up. If she is, it will declare itself without you intervening. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 08:17 AM Flag
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itta [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 08:21 AM Flag
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More likely or not, she is just a tomboy. I was one, and turned out just fine. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 08:27 AM Flag
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I have a friend I think she is gay and her daughter is gay and neither are out (ok, well daughter is only like 8 years old). I think it's better to know who you are, express it and be it. Would promote more tolerance in the long run. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 08:45 AM Flag
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it's not appropriate for you or anyone else to "out" another person, regardless of their age, for the greater good of promoting tolerance in the long run. MYOB. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 12:51 PM Flag
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Particularly if the child is 4 years old. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 12:55 PM Flag
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The child is 4. She might or might not turn out to be transgender, it is really too early to know. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 01:01 PM Flag
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I agree that it's way too early to know. Kids go through all sorts of phases. Sometimes it's a lot better to wait and watch instead of making a big deal out of something prematurely. How would your friend react? If the girl doesn't turn out to have a gender issue, why create one? If she does have a gender issue, there's plenty of time to become more sure (over the coming years), and then helpful and sensitive steps can be taken. In the meantime, I hope the girl is just allowed to be herself. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 01:11 PM Flag
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i don't think you should mention the word "Transgender" to your friend unless she opens the door. I think you will better serve your friend if you find ways to let her know that you recognize and accept these traits in her daughter, and that you like the child and think highly of the child and her mother. I think your friend knows more than you do and if you've observed it, I'm sure the child's mother has observed it, too. What she probably needs is to see that others won't ostracize her child or think the family is weird. Let your friend know that her observations are valid and that you like this child the way she is. But don't do it in a pushy way...just open the door and if your friend is looking for validation or confirmation of her own suspisions she'll let you know. This is a very touchy and private matter and it is up to the family and then the child to recognize or not to recognize the situation. That said, transgendered children are VERY rare. Odds are it's just a boyish little girl. She might grow up to be Ms. America. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 02:07 PM Flag
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I agree with the above poster. I also think it's none of your business, that gender and sexuality are fluid, and that it comes off as gossipy and holier-than-thou to want to discuss this in terms of the label of "transgender". wtf cares? get a life. get to know the little girl (boy) if you care about her (him), not to see her (him)through the blinders of this probably-not-even-accurate label, but to learn what a real human experience not yet clouded by adult ideas, concepts and pigeon-holes, looks like. you probably could learn a lot from this child, if you chose to. good luck! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 05:33 PM Flag
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