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07.10.08, 16:55 PM Toddler
32 replies
Grrrrrrrrrrrr....OK so I am blessed to have a wonderful P/T nanny who loves my child and is totally available to me and flexible with her schedule. But today my DD threw a fit and was really snotty to me and I had to put her in time out. It was one of those crazy "supernanny" moments w/ DD screaming and me putting her back into time out until she sat her 4 minutes, etc. DD is a very well behaved kid 99% of the time with me and 100% of the time with the nanny. But today she crossed the line and things turned ugly. So DD is screaming and fighting and I'm lifting her up and placing her into time out over and over again and in the middle of it the nanny starts CRYING and saying "Please don't do this to her". WTF? I apreciate that nanny loves my child and I know I'm lucky to have her but I need her to SUPPORT me when I'm diciplining my child, not make me feel like I'm a monster. Doesn't she realize that the REASON DD is so well behaved most of the time is because she is consistantly given very clear signals about what behavior is acceptable and what is not? [ Reply | Watch | Flag ]
Toddler 07.10.08, 04:55 PM Flag
 

Dear UrbanBaby community,

Thank you so much for being a valued member of the UrbanBaby community. We wanted to inform you that we are shutting down the site on July 6th. We are grateful for your participation and support that has helped make UrbanBaby such an important resource to parents for many years.

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omg not like you were beating her [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.10.08, 04:56 PM Flag
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Well, when you take on a co-pilot in parenting tasks, you have to expect this. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.10.08, 04:58 PM Flag
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how do I take on a co-pilot? Nanny was not involved at all. I dicipline my child alone. Although I have told nanny that if DD ever acts out of line and I am not there, nanny has permission to give time outs or call me. But I was there this time so it was me diciplining my DD and me alone. Nanny was helping to unload the car. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.10.08, 05:00 PM Flag
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NP I'm thinking OR is being snarky. She will call you an aunt mommy next just trying to start somethng [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.10.08, 05:05 PM Flag
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What's an aunt mommy? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.10.08, 05:06 PM Flag
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LOL! Hey newbie! That is what some trolls here call WOHMs since someone else spends time with their kids [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.10.08, 05:07 PM Flag
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LOL yourself. I've been here for four years now. And I'm not an aunt mommy OR a WOHM. My nanny is PART TIME. She comes in three days a week for four hours. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.10.08, 05:09 PM Flag
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I'm just telling you what I thought OR meant. If she is still here, she can clarigy [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.10.08, 05:12 PM Flag
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^^clarify [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.10.08, 05:12 PM Flag
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oooohh- sahm with nanny- duck!! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.10.08, 05:19 PM Flag
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you don't have a nanny then... you have a babysitter. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.10.08, 05:30 PM Flag
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OP: So? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.10.08, 06:10 PM Flag
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what is an aunt mommy? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.10.08, 05:06 PM Flag
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its the female version of uncle daddy -- those fathers who woh and are not involved in raising their children [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.10.08, 09:00 PM Flag
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Props to you OP, sounds like you are one of those rare moms with a nanny who is a true parent. Your nanny was way out of line. I'm a nanny and I never would have interfered as this nanny did. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.10.08, 05:32 PM Flag
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Thanks. I must clarify though that nanny didn't realy interfere...here comments were off to the side to me, and only I noticed she was crying. She really stayed off of DD's radar (and DD was so hysterical at that point she wouldn't have noticed if Elmo walked into the room). But she did interfere with ME and I'm sure I don't have to tell you how hard it is on Mommy during one of those episodes. Always that little part of you that just wants to cave and avoid trouble and give the kid what they want. You need support, not tears from the other adults in the room! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.10.08, 06:12 PM Flag
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ugh! You are seriously annoying, Mommy? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.10.08, 07:36 PM Flag
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i know how you feel. my nanny sometimes does something similar. You have to talk to her about your rules and make it clear that you are the one who decides how to discipline your child. Her reaction was not appropriate especially since it essentially undermines what you are doing [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.10.08, 05:35 PM Flag
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Maybe you don't realize how rough you were being. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.10.08, 05:35 PM Flag
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OP: I'm certain I was not being physically rough at all. I'm also certain I WAS being incredibly stern and strong and no-nonsense. I was not yelling, my language was appropriate for the situation, but I did not have a happy expression on my face and my tone was extremely authoritative and stern. I rarely have to dicipline my DD because, as I said, she's remarkably well-behaved. And when she does cross the line (as all 4 year olds do because that's part of their job), I send a very clear message that the behavior will not be tolerated. Also I love her more than anything on the planet. Did I mention that? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.10.08, 06:15 PM Flag
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you sound annoying and full of yourself. parading your parenting and your incredibly well behaved child on UB, looking for validation and someone to say you are great and doing it perfectly. I think you sound harsh and like a control freak, and had I been there, i'll bet I would have cringed at the very least. blech! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.10.08, 07:29 PM Flag
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You are a jealous parent who feels inferior. Work on your own parenting skills by spending time with your child. It will make you a happier person, and it will be great for your kid! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.10.08, 08:39 PM Flag
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I spend just about every waking moment with my dc. you sound like a harsh, smug hag who was mean to her kid, and is mad at the nanny for noticing it. get over yourself. you have nothing that inspires jealousy or feelings of inferiority here! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.10.08, 08:53 PM Flag
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Me thinks the lady doth protest too much. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.10.08, 09:06 PM Flag
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Your nanny was out of line, but sounds like she loves your dd a lot and is also very emotional. If I were you I would sit down with her and have a conversation with her about your approach to discipline and your reasons behind it. Tell her that you value her ideas on the matter, but that ultimately you are making the decisions and need her to back you. It is hard to be firm with children and especially hard when your nanny is making you feel like the big bad wolf. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.10.08, 07:41 PM Flag
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thanks so much. Very sound advice. I hope I can be diplomatic...I'll let it simmer for a day before I talk to her. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.10.08, 08:40 PM Flag
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NP: You're Nanny clearly loves your child and had a hard time observing your DC being upset. I understand why you are upset - its hard enough to stick to your guns when have a strong willed child. But don't be too hard on your nanny - we hear too often about the opposite -- nannies who don't care enough about their charges. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.10.08, 09:07 PM Flag
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sounds like you are just angry because she reacted to what she witnessed as being overboard. calm down, and deal with your own guilt rather than taking it out on the nanny. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.10.08, 09:08 PM Flag
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You know I realize that it might sound that way but a day has passed and looking back on the incident I believe I reacted completely appropriately and would do it again exactly the same way. No need to tell me to calm down because I am totally calm, just a bit annoyed at nanny. I realy don't think there could have been a more appropriate way (for me) to deal with that situation. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 05:16 AM Flag
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perhaps the source of conflict is that both of you are there at the same time - why? You are either have someone watch your kid so you can do what you need to or you take care of hte kid yourself. And if you really think a 4 year old is capable of being very well-behaved 99% of the time, your expectations are unreasonable. MAybe you should have picked your battles better. Good luck in the future. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.10.08, 09:31 PM Flag
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I always have the babysitter/nanny there when I'm coming home from a road trip with the kids. We have no doorman so you have to double-park outside the building and one adult waits w/ kids in the car while the other adult unloads the bags, then the kids while the first adult then parks the car in the garage down the block. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 09:14 AM Flag
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It was a moment and it passed. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 05:19 AM Flag
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