< Return to Talk
07.10.08, 10:46 AM Toddler
25 replies
My 3yo daughter will not talk to other children -- not at school, not at camp, not on playdates. She is 3.4 months. Is this normal? She is very verbal with people she knows, and responds to other adults one on one, but is silent and shy with other children. Sometimes it seems like all the other kids her age are already talking to each other. [ Reply | Watch | Flag ]
Toddler 07.10.08, 10:46 AM Flag
 

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they are all talking to each other - why hasn't your dd been around more dc on a daily basis? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.10.08, 10:54 AM Flag
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OP: She has been around other dc on a daily basis, yes. But she is not talking to other kids even so. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.10.08, 10:55 AM Flag
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Do you talk to other dc - her friends - do you sit and talk and play with the other dc - lead your dd into conversations with them [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.10.08, 10:57 AM Flag
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OP: When I am there, I do. Obviously, I'm not there when she's at camp or school, and she is also often with the nanny, who is very good at coordinating play. She does talk to her baby brother, just not other kids. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.10.08, 11:00 AM Flag
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np: my 3yo is pretty quiet with otherr kids too, except her sibling and kids she has known a long time. a lot of kids in one setting makes her clam up. i don't think its abnormal, but i'd try to see one or two otehr kids regualrly, evne if you jut meet up at the park. then seh may get comfortable wnough to talk. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.10.08, 10:58 AM Flag
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OP: Unfortunately, we do not live in an area with young children, so it's hard to meet up one on one with other kids on a regular basis. The problem isn't that she's pretty quiet, it's that she literally does not say a single word. Not even yes or now when asked a question. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.10.08, 11:02 AM Flag
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Have you asked her why? 3.5 she should be able to communicate her feelings to you. I hope you won't take this the wrong way but one thing I've noticed with friends of mine that kids have nanny's is they don't always have the best language skills. Is you Nanny talking to her a lot? Is English her first language? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.10.08, 11:13 AM Flag
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OP: I have asked her why. She doesn't answer. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.10.08, 11:18 AM Flag
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There was a selective mute in my school when I was a child who would talk at home and even after school to her friends. It is a problem you should address. Maybe with a child psychologist? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.10.08, 11:14 AM Flag
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she is sort of past the stage of parallel play-have you spoken to her teachers about this? is she an only dc? my younger dc is pretty shy/quiet around other kids her own age, but she is very verbal with her older sib's friends. i am not worried about it at this point. just figure dd is trying to make sense of things. if you are worried, talk to teacher. also, try to do stuff one on one with other kids if you can-may seem less overwhelming. witha structure activity too, so they don't have to necessarily take the initiative (like, come on guys, we are going to do a puzzle together. do you like to do them? do you like the colors on this puzzle, oh wow, sally, did you hear that katie loves yellow too?) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.10.08, 10:58 AM Flag
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OP: Well, right now she is at camp, which just started, so I haven't talked to camp counselor yet. The problem isn't that she's quiet -- it's that she literally will not say a single word, not even yes or no in response to a question. She just looks down or turns away if another child talks to her. If I try to coordinate the conversation, she'll just look at me and respond, but will not talk to the other child. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.10.08, 11:03 AM Flag
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she sounds painfully shy [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.10.08, 11:06 AM Flag
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the counselors may not be helpful-some are great, some aren't as much. does she seem unhappy to you? if she is happy, no big deal, but if not, that might worry me and might be worth starting to explore. I wouldn't do much this summer, wait until return to school too, when teachers (who are usually better trained than counselors) may have more info for you. also, try to observe when this happens-is it playdates or in group settings? my older dc hated to be the last one in preschool in the morning-wanted to be first and get settled. just wasn't a big transition kid-once we figured this out, dc came out of shell more [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.10.08, 11:07 AM Flag
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OP: It happens in all settings. She literally will not look another child in the eye or respond ever to them. She enjoys group situations where there are lots of kids, like the playground or music or free playtime at school/camp, but she won't talk to anyone. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.10.08, 11:17 AM Flag
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She has a problem that you need to speak to a psychologist about. You should do this before school starts, imo. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.10.08, 11:18 AM Flag
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She probably could benefit from speech therapy- not that she has speech problems, per se, but for conversation skills. I knew a girl in my dc's preschool class who went to speech therapy for just this reason. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.10.08, 11:03 AM Flag
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OP: She has great conversation skills, very advanced verbally, she just won't have a conversation with other children. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.10.08, 11:04 AM Flag
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maybe you can put her in some sort of group, though, through an agency or speech therapist to converse with children. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.10.08, 11:12 AM Flag
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OP: Do a lot of other children not talk to other kids at 3.4? When do most kids start talking to other children? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.10.08, 11:05 AM Flag
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My DS was really, really quiet--sometimes not talking--in certain social situations at that age. He literally barely spoke during his entire time at preschool. They recommended against sending him to kinder--we didn't listen and he had a great year. One thing that seemed to be a turning point for him was going to a very low-key camp last summer w/ lots of time out in nature (he's very comfortable in nature) where he made one really good friend (also a socially awkward late-blooming boy). He's back there this summer and doing totally fine and now he'll go to a park and join the play, talk to other kids or adults. Hope that helps. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.10.08, 11:12 AM Flag
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Yes. Usually it starts at 2-2.5 from my experience. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.10.08, 11:12 AM Flag
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selective mutism [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.10.08, 03:01 PM Flag
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Try a "socialization group" with a speech pathologist. Call Making Milestones. They have good therapists and have offices on the UES and UWS. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.31.08, 07:01 PM Flag
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my dd is like this too. she's almost painfully shy when she's in a new setting, away from her comfort zone. i made playdates with 1 or 2 other kids so that when she's in a larger group setting, she has a few familiar faces. that has seemed to help. fwiw, she's been in classes or playgroups since she was 6 mo, so its not a lack of socialization. its just her. will she speak to them when she's one on one with them? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.31.08, 07:16 PM Flag
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A Speech Pathologist will help facilitate communication between your child and her peers. I recommend www.liftprogram.com - she's wonderful and has social language play groups to help kids communicate during play. Good luck! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 08.10.08, 05:57 PM Flag
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