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07.09.08, 11:15 AM General Topics
80 replies
Sibling getting married. Wants cash, not registering. I am not comfortable w/ cash so looking for ideas or gifts you have given in the past. They do not have a house yet (saving for one) but live together in an apt. so have a lot of domestics (tho nothing very nice). Say $250 - 750 range. Thanks! [ Reply | Watch | Flag ]
General Topics 07.09.08, 11:15 AM Flag
 

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sounds like they want cash why would you give a gift? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.09.08, 11:16 AM Flag
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DH and I agree it is not the kind of present we want to give although its fine for others and I understand why he is doing it. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.09.08, 11:18 AM Flag
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then if you won't give cash give him a gift card [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.09.08, 11:25 AM Flag
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$300 gift card [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.09.08, 11:16 AM Flag
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why would you rather give them something htey don't want versus something they do. the whole point of giving a gift is to think about the recipient and not yourself. they want cash bc the thing they want most is to buy a house. sinc eyou can't give them $500 worth of house, give them the cash, make them happy and call it a day. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.09.08, 11:17 AM Flag
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I always buy off the registry and typically would give cash but this does not feel right for me for this occasion. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.09.08, 11:19 AM Flag
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have it your way and buy them a gift even though they specifically asked for cash. you are really stupid. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.09.08, 11:24 AM Flag
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Wow - I am many things but stupid is not one of them. Why so bitter I wonder? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.09.08, 11:25 AM Flag
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sibling asks for cash for wedding gift - you buy a present = stupid in my book not bitter just calling em' like i see em' lady [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.09.08, 11:27 AM Flag
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np: You are being very petty. I guess you have an issue with your sibling. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.10.08, 08:24 PM Flag
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but thats what they want [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.09.08, 11:26 AM Flag
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why not? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.09.08, 11:27 AM Flag
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give a check for $750 [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.09.08, 11:28 AM Flag
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If you want to commemorate the occasion with something they will keep, then give that above and beyond the cash gift. You could give them $400 in cash plus a smaller gift. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.09.08, 11:28 AM Flag
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$750 is a lot for a wedding present... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.09.08, 11:29 AM Flag
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People here are RIDICULOUS in the amounts they give for presents. No one at my wedding spent over $100 (except two dear friends of my parents who spent about $250) and I thought people were being incredibly generous. I have never seen anyone spend $750 for a friend's gift (or a sibling for that matter) irl. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.09.08, 11:31 AM Flag
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I would never consider it. My closest friend (all my siblings are cheap) got us something worth about $250, which was so very generous. A few older family members/friends got us some sligtly more expensive things such as silver from Tiffany, but no one spent over $500. Oh, and we got married 3 months ago! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.09.08, 11:32 AM Flag
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ITA [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.09.08, 11:33 AM Flag
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i got gifts ranging from $35 (from a friend in grad school) to $1000 from my grandmother. Most gifts were in the range of $100-$300 (single-couple) but a few families gave 1 bigger gift (say for parents plus 2 young adult children) that were in the $400-$500 range. And this was 12 years ago. I think that if the guest is very close to the bride/groom and/or their families and they have the means, they DO give more expensive gifts. This is particularly true at more extravagent weddings and among certain ethnic groups. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.09.08, 11:45 AM Flag
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I just gave nephew $1000 for a Bar Mitzvah gift. My bro got married 15 years ago and I gave $750 and I was single. Just because that is not your world does not mean people do not spend that. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.09.08, 12:19 PM Flag
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wow, your nephew must be one spoiled kid. I hope that was a college savings bond [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.09.08, 12:27 PM Flag
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not spoiled at all. donated 35% of his cash gifts to a residential home for kids with autism, a place where he has volunteered at for a few years. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.10.08, 08:22 PM Flag
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NP: Not for your sibling, for others yes. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.09.08, 11:31 AM Flag
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Its a lot for ANYONE - np [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.09.08, 11:32 AM Flag
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We gave more than that to both my brother and SIL (DH's sister). Would not give that to strangers but we have just one sibling each, and they both married fairly young and needed cash. And we could afford it. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.09.08, 11:35 AM Flag
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well, you are very generous, but I hope that your siblings don't now expect that kind of gift all the time [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.09.08, 11:37 AM Flag
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Of course not, it was a wedding gift. Even if they divorce and marry again, the gift would be scaled down significantly -:). BTW, we no longer do christmas or birthday gifs for adults so it evens out. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.09.08, 11:40 AM Flag
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ok, that makes a bit more sense. See, many people (dh's sister included ) would then expect big gifts for everything [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.09.08, 11:41 AM Flag
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what's your HHI? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.09.08, 11:33 AM Flag
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I am the or who said $750 is a lot for a gift - my HHI is over $300K, and we are generous people but I think that is a ridiculous amount to give anyone for a gift, unless, perhaps, your own children when they are married if you want to get them something very special (and you're not paying for the wedding) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.09.08, 11:36 AM Flag
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I was interested in the HHI income of the person who thought it was a right amount - sorry! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.09.08, 11:37 AM Flag
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i realize that but I thought that the perspective of someone who thought it was crazy but was still pretty well-off would be interesting too [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.09.08, 11:38 AM Flag
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It was me, i posted below, turns out HHI is similar, just view things differently I guess [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.09.08, 11:38 AM Flag
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apparently. I think $750 for a wedding gift is really ridiculous, I give gifts (including to my siblings) in the 2-300 range [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.09.08, 11:39 AM Flag
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You see, I give in the same range to friends etc. but sibling is very different IMO. Obviously you see it differently. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.09.08, 11:42 AM Flag
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Well, I guess you are very close with your siblings, I am much younger than mine so they were married when I had no money, and dh's sister is a piece of work, but we are very generous to her [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.09.08, 11:43 AM Flag
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why do you care if someone wants to give their OWN sibling $750!! When my sister got married I gave a 1000. She is my only sister and we are very close and I wanted to give a nice gift so she could enjoy her honeymoon. Why do you care? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.09.08, 11:44 AM Flag
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WOW. My very middle class ILs gave us $5K as a wedding gift and paid for the rehearsal dinner. I think $750 to your own kids is a pretty small gift unless that's all you can afford. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.09.08, 11:48 AM Flag
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I would give my kids a larger gift than that if I could afford - my point was I wouldn't spend $750 for anyone other than my kids [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.09.08, 11:59 AM Flag
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That's fine. But plenty of people are very close with their one sibling or their nieces or nephews, a godchild, their best friend, etc. - not everyone is so immediate family centric. And there's a huge diff between $750 and what was probably $10K. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.09.08, 12:02 PM Flag
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that is true, i just am saying that for many middleclass people a $750 wedding gift is excessive. And yes, if I was very very close to another relative I would give them a very generous gift [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.09.08, 12:04 PM Flag
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It was about $300K at the time. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.09.08, 11:36 AM Flag
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you are very generous and also quite well off. I wouldn't suggest to others that they spend this much money as you do not know their financial situation. I find it presumptuous. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.09.08, 11:38 AM Flag
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OP said she was willing to spend that much, I did not put that in her mouth. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.09.08, 11:43 AM Flag
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She said $250-$750 range (which is a huge range). I apologize. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.09.08, 11:45 AM Flag
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I normally am opposed to giving cash for wedding gifts, but if it is someone close to me and they need it, I see no reason not to. Why are you opposed? It seems you must have a very strong reason. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.09.08, 11:30 AM Flag
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This board cracks me up. Post this another day and people will be appauled at the audacity of your sibling to ask for cash. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.09.08, 11:31 AM Flag
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ITTTA [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.09.08, 11:32 AM Flag
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lol, so true! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.09.08, 11:39 AM Flag
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nice linens for the bed? one thing I received (that I did not register for) is a mirror that frames the wedding invitation across the top of it -- looks quite nice, not sure where to get one tho. or a nice silver picture frame or clock from Tiffany. I'm with you -- I'm not comfortable giving cash as a gift. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.09.08, 11:32 AM Flag
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OP: thanks for the suggestions. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.09.08, 11:41 AM Flag
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for a person who WANTS cash, this is a stupid gift. These people are obviously practical people who want to save. giving them an expensive useless knick knack is the opposite of what they seem to want. If anything give them something useful. That said give them money, that's what they want. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.09.08, 11:47 AM Flag
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Can you give them a gift from a place with a very liberal return policy that would return cash to them. Back in 2000 I want to say we were able to return our unwanted Tiffany gifts for cash with receipt, and for store credit without. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.09.08, 11:32 AM Flag
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I also agree with just giving the cash on this one. It's not about you and what you want, it's about them. An expensive gift they don't want is not only a waste, but can also be a burden or hassle is they then have to find a place for it, store it, feel like they have to use it, etc. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.09.08, 11:34 AM Flag
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Of course its not about me -- I will still be spending the $$ and I find it hard to believe there are no good ideas about alternatives to cash. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.09.08, 11:46 AM Flag
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If you know which store they like, get a gift card there. That's as good as it gets for ideas I am afraid. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.09.08, 11:49 AM Flag
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not if the person wants cash. They want to save or buld a nest egg or just decide what they want later. Why does this bother you so much. Giving a gift is about making the recipient happy. If I were them and you gave me some usless (albiet beautiful and expensive gift) I would think that is very nice of you and grateful for your generoaity but I wouldn't be excited and happy about recieving it. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.09.08, 11:53 AM Flag
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np: that is sad for you then [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.09.08, 11:58 AM Flag
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I agree with you - also wouldn't be happy. People have too many things. What's the point of having something nice but useless? It's a waste of money and resources. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.09.08, 12:51 PM Flag
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NP- this is so asinine. Give them cash to do as they wish. Your refusal will just create tension down the road. Cash is your bugaboo not theirs. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.09.08, 07:33 PM Flag
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If they cook, le Creuset. They'll have it for ever. (So don't get a trendy color.) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.09.08, 11:49 AM Flag
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FWIW, I would never want Le Creuset. It's way to heavy and I would never use it. This is why you shouldn't impose your taste on others when it comes to gift giving. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.09.08, 11:54 AM Flag
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Do you cook? Braises and that kind of stuff? I've never known a serious cook who did not like LC. Granted it is heavy. And if you are tiny/not strong that could be a deal breaker, but... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.09.08, 12:32 PM Flag
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OP: I love this idea! They both love to cook and this is perfect. Thanks. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.09.08, 11:58 AM Flag
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many people don't like LC(I'm not one of them). How about a Kitchen Aid mixer or really good pots & pans (like All Clad)? Probably more useful [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.09.08, 12:00 PM Flag
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OR: OP said they both had housewares. (And I hate All Clad! I know... sacrilege. I got a 12" AC and a 12" Cuisinart. Like the latter 10x more.) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.09.08, 12:30 PM Flag
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she said they had housewares but nothing really good. i LOVE my All Clad (had Cuisinart and it was ok, but nothing like the AC)... to each her own... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.09.08, 12:31 PM Flag
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or his... Truth is, I like my Wear Ever pro stuff best of all. It isn't shiny but it heats better and is much more comfortable in the hand. But as you said, "To each... their own." [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.09.08, 12:35 PM Flag
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I also love my All Clad and would go with that over Le Creuset any day...more practical. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.09.08, 12:55 PM Flag
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that is exactly why I would go with a nice set of LC. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.09.08, 01:06 PM Flag
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Yeah, don't get a trendy color like white, like I did. A stupid thing to own in white. Kind of afraid to use it. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.09.08, 02:17 PM Flag
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Why? You could just use softscrub to clean. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.09.08, 02:21 PM Flag
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A Dyson vacuum cleaner. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.09.08, 07:30 PM Flag
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FWIW, I don't do cash, either. I have done a gift certificate for a dinner at an expensive restaurant, arranged over the phone with the restaurant and their hotel and given to the couple when they check in as a surprise. You could do something like that, for their honeymoon. Another possibility, nice crystal wine glasses that will go with anything they will have later. They are almost sure to use them. Tiffany has some nice ones in the $50 each range-- so a set of 12 would run $600, 8 would be $400. And it's hard to imagine someone not using or liking them-- even if they already have wine glasses of another sort. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.10.08, 08:27 PM Flag
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if your sister wants cash, give her cash. stop being so controlling. i think if it's your sister, give as much as you can afford. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.10.08, 08:29 PM Flag
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NP: I don't give cash, b/c it feels crass and b/c (especially if it is family), I want to give something they can look at/use/pass down for a lifetime. I think the sister is the one who is controlling. You don't tell people to give you cash or anything else. You get what you get and you don't throw a fit. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.10.08, 08:31 PM Flag
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this post is about YOU. the couple wants cash. give them what you want. stop thinking about what YOU think or feel about cash being given. they will think you are a jerk ifyou give them a gift. they will just return it and be angry about it [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.10.08, 08:35 PM Flag
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Then they weren't worth getting a gift for, IMO. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.10.08, 08:38 PM Flag
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^^And I mean any gift. Cash or otherwise. You sound like you were quite the princessy bridezilla. UGH. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.10.08, 08:39 PM Flag
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my sister gave me $1,000 for my wedding. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.10.08, 08:39 PM Flag
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