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07.09.08, 08:59 AM General Topics
46 replies
tips to help dd cope with cliques? she seems to be getting more and more sensitive to feeling "left out". she is 7 and i don't have time to set up a bunch of playdates to try to encourage social relationships. [ Reply | Watch | Flag ]
General Topics 07.09.08, 08:59 AM Flag
 

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Really? You "don't have time"? Well at your dd's age these things are done by mothers. It's a shame she dosen't have one. The girls who have friends have mothers who get involved. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.09.08, 09:07 AM Flag
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sanctimommy [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.09.08, 09:21 AM Flag
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[ Removed by moderator ] [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.09.08, 09:26 AM Flag
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np-you are atrocious. If you really perceive that this is as you're describing, why in the world not offer some constructive feedback and advice?? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.09.08, 09:30 AM Flag
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ita any mother who says she has no time for her dd is an embarassment! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.09.08, 09:32 AM Flag
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np- santimommy is not nice, but you are way out of line. Do you have anger issues? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.09.08, 09:35 AM Flag
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np You are really awful. You can't arrange playdates through your sitter when you're working? You just let your child fend for herself? You're the teacher here and this is parenting 101. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.09.08, 09:31 AM Flag
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nnp: How old are your kids? I have 7 year old DD, and she is the one who decides who she wants to play with, as do her friends. They talk about having a playdate and then I e-mail the mom to work out details (or call though I prefer e-mail). At this age you don't schedule playdates with random girls. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.09.08, 09:39 AM Flag
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ITA. Mine is just shy of 7 and she also decides. I never force her to play with anyone she doesn't want to play with. And I always get her ok before confirming with another mom. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.09.08, 10:54 AM Flag
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That's how it works in our house. Our son is six. Though, I'm sure boys and girls are a little different with that. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 02:23 PM Flag
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ridiculous response-some mothers work long hours, take care of elderly parents, have other major things going on in their life, and aren't able to spend time making "mommy friends" and therefore set up playdates between their kids. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.09.08, 09:25 AM Flag
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op: thank you. i wasn't trying to come off as uninvolved. i work and have a 15mo. we have playdates, i just can't do them at the frequency that SAH moms do. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.09.08, 09:26 AM Flag
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do you always talk to yourself? I suppose you do since you, like your dc has not friends because you're too "busy" lol [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.09.08, 09:28 AM Flag
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omg, methinks we have a nasty, bitter SAHM here who has way TOO much time on her hands and is positively expiring with jealousy that OP actually has a life. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.09.08, 09:31 AM Flag
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np I think op's tone is objectionable. She comes across as cold and dismissive. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.09.08, 09:34 AM Flag
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I sympathize with you. That said, there is a nugget of truth in what she said about needing to set up playdates (I totally disagree with her characterization of you though.) My child was being left out, and the only real solution was for me to start setting up playdates. School interaction was not enough because by then, kids are in a routine of friends and dynamics. It took some extra effort on all our parts by arranging one-on-one playdates to change the dynamics and perceptions. It took some time, but I saw it pay off by school year's end. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.09.08, 09:31 AM Flag
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ita [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.09.08, 09:32 AM Flag
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op does not want to hear this. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.09.08, 09:35 AM Flag
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np: Maybe at 4 yo, but at 7 year old kids largely drive who they want to play with. And playdates are drop off so odds are OP could work it out if she wanted to. That assumes there is interest on both sides though. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.09.08, 09:37 AM Flag
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If you let them. I really intervened when dc was 7 because teachers at age 5 and 6 said for me to give it time because it was normal for children to take time to make friends in school. At age 7, it seemed that kids had settled into routines and thought my dc wanted to be alone. However, when I started calling other parents, it turned out that other children were not opposed to playing with my child, it was just that they did not think that my dc wanted to play. Sometimes a little grownup intervention can help. Don't give up hope OP. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.09.08, 09:41 AM Flag
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I had elderly parents who required time, I worked full time and traveled as well. That is a bullshit response. OP or is it you? should not have had a child if she can't take care of business. period. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.09.08, 09:27 AM Flag
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no I am not OP, but I'm curious why given your background, you are unable to provide concrete suggestions instead of just attacking? I hope you don't bring this demenor to your playdates. Good luck. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.09.08, 09:31 AM Flag
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demeanor [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.09.08, 09:33 AM Flag
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lol [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.09.08, 09:33 AM Flag
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lol, this response exactly illustrates, and probably confirms, my impression of you. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.09.08, 09:35 AM Flag
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you really focused on spelling and punctuation here! Kudos to you. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.09.08, 09:36 AM Flag
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Thanks. now how about some suggestions for OP, since I think that is the purpose of this thread? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.09.08, 09:40 AM Flag
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My thoughts exactly. A cursing, angry mom is not much better than a naive mom. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.09.08, 09:33 AM Flag
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Especially if that cursing, angry mom is around a lot. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.09.08, 09:34 AM Flag
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ita. Op sounds angry and that might be behind her post. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.09.08, 09:37 AM Flag
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ita but I don't think they're referring to op [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.09.08, 09:37 AM Flag
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Not referring to OP. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.09.08, 09:38 AM Flag
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OMG You are angry! Did you have a bad morning? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.09.08, 09:38 AM Flag
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Neglectful mothers are unforgivable. You shouldn't be worrying about my morning. You should be helping your child. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.09.08, 09:39 AM Flag
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I am not the OP. I think it is not up to you to judge the OP. She isn't "neglectful", she says that she had a lot to deal with. But I guess, you have to insist on your insulting opinion in order to justify your harsh response. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.09.08, 09:45 AM Flag
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I think this is a man writing. No mother could be this narrow minded. Could they? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.10.08, 06:56 PM Flag
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It's called raising a child and it's required as a good parent. It's pretty basic in fact. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.09.08, 09:29 AM Flag
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well I think you summed it up. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.09.08, 09:38 AM Flag
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Oh yes, mothers are put on the earth to set up playdates. Shame this girl doesn't have one. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.10.08, 06:55 PM Flag
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So is she being left out? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.09.08, 09:11 AM Flag
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I would set up some play dates, even if it is difficult to manage and would talk to the teacher, maybe she has some suggestions. In my dd's class is a queen bee, who excludes others, the teacher tries to help her and the other students manage this issue... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.09.08, 09:40 AM Flag
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This is very simple. You call up other moms and ask for a playdate. Don't be shy just do it. It's like making a doctor's appt.--you don't have to be actual friends with the other mom, you just need to make an appointment for your daughter. I WOHM FT and I do this. I also have her babysitter do it and DH do it. Sometimes DD does it herself at school and then tells the babysitter. You cannot wait by the phone for moms to call you, you have to do the calling, especially if you are a low profile or super busy mom. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.09.08, 10:49 AM Flag
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This entire post is reflective of why cliques and nastiness is so prevalent in schools – especially among girls. The “mean girl” myth prevails. The were probably raised by nasty, mean mothers, they get older and raise mean daughters, they come on UB and post negative, ugly responses to moms looking for help – and the cycle is perpetuated. I guess we can take heart that they are usually miserable in their own skin and unhappy with their lot in life. The rude poster here is most likely rude to her kids, her husband, her family. There’s a really good chance that she is ugly outside and in. It’s too bad that we have to share public spaces with her and her kids. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.10.08, 06:54 PM Flag
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Thank you for this post. ITA. to OP -- would like to say that i faced similar probs with my daughter over the years (she's now too old for this kind of garbage), and never had much luck trying to help on the level of the kids or the school. better to keep her talking to YOU about it, and to organize treats, trips, etc. with you for her. and boy did i ever get sick of playdates -- call me worst mother in NY, i don't care. my daughter is now a lovely and happy 17-year old with plenty of friends that i did not find for her, and the mean girls and their mean mothers are a distant memory. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 10:30 AM Flag
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ITA - If OP is already setting up playdates and that isn't helping with the mean girls, setting up more playdates is just trying to buy into that whole dynamic. he's better off following your advice. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 12:34 PM Flag
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People - why waste everyone's time with responses that are nasty and unhelpful, especially those who would offer judgement of others not knowing their full circumstances. Life is too short. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.11.08, 05:51 PM Flag
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