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07.07.08, 19:46 PM NY Schools
23 replies
my first ds-- always a real pain and super intense-- is very gifted, and hit every milestone super early. I can already tell that my second, who is just a little baby, is more normal. How can I stop comparing? [ Reply | Watch | Flag ]
NY Schools 07.07.08, 07:46 PM Flag
 

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children live up or down to your expectations....keep this in mind and read Siblings without Rivalry [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 07:47 PM Flag
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np: just reading this book and second the recommendation [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 07:49 PM Flag
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thanks, i'll look for it. i can already see that this little guy is going to be easier, so the favoritism could run both ways, if I'm not mindful. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 07:51 PM Flag
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do you really think it's true that children live up to your expectations? That is helpful to keep in mind. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 07:53 PM Flag
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tho it also explains why there are so many "gifted" children. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 07:54 PM Flag
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well....I think we need to see our children as they can be (within reason of course), not as we box them ...ie "the smart one and "the sporty one", but both as perhaps working hard to be well-rounded [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 08:42 PM Flag
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What does the baby do that is more "normal"? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 07:47 PM Flag
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not as alert, I guess. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 07:49 PM Flag
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I have the same exact situation. I do compare them but not audibly and the little one is now 3 and I can appreciate that both have their individual qualities and their individual challenges. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 07:54 PM Flag
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was your first a behavioral challenge as well? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 07:54 PM Flag
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Oh my goodness, yes. He is nearly unpunishable. Nothing phases him. I would take away toys and mark on the calendar when he could get them back and stick to it constantly. Never changed behavior. Would have to sit on him if I wanted him to stay in a time out. (Don't but I mean I would have to). He is 7 and has calmed down a little this past year. He fits into the oppositional defiant disorder of the ADD descriptions very well. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 07:59 PM Flag
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P.S. My second will go right to the chair if I send him there for a time out but then will go right back and do whatever it was that got him a time out in the first place. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 08:02 PM Flag
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OP: yeah, mine fits both those descriptions too. Just turned 6 and he is marginally better. But no punishments work at all. The only thing that works is keeping his mind occupied. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 08:04 PM Flag
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are gifted kids supposed to be a behavioral challenge? Just saying that my "gifted" child was never like that. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 06:09 AM Flag
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np: I think profoundly gifted children tend to be, not just a really really bright child. A school psychologist once told my mother that it was really the flip side of SN, that the less than 1% of the population needed a special environment for education. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 06:18 AM Flag
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I really doubt that OP's kid falls into that category, though. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 07:34 AM Flag
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wait, how old is the baby? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 07:54 PM Flag
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really young so I feel guilty even voicing this. 4 months. Tho by this time I already knew something was up with the first one. I just want advice on how to stop comparing. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 07:56 PM Flag
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My two are very different and my second seems to be exceptionally bright & precocious. But they are both so precious and so unique, I don't see the point in comparing them much. I mean I do think in my head "wow, DS wasn't saying that at her age" but he was doing other things that were cool. I think the whole gifted thing just gets so overblown sometimes and other qualities get the shaft. So I guess I'm saying, just let it go and let this little one show you who he is on his own. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 07:59 PM Flag
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np. I agree with you in principle but I think it's harder when it's dc #1 who's exceptionally bright & precocious. It becomes your "norm" and creates a certain level of expectation for dc #2+. BTDT w/ a HG dd for dc #1 and for dc #2 an average ds who seems like he's borderline retarded in comparison to big sis. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 08:06 PM Flag
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I could totally see how that could happen. I actually think my oldest is very bright and has an unusual mind. DD is quicker and shocks me w/ her precocity but she's also easier and more mainstream, if that makes sense. I think it is so normal to compare them in our minds, but it's important not to do it to/in front of them. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 08:08 PM Flag
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np: Sounds like my DCs. Whichi school does he go to? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 01:24 PM Flag
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No in NY--he goes to a public school in CA. They are both very dear, interesting kids. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.08.08, 01:26 PM Flag
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