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07.07.08, 14:02 PM General Topics
11 replies
DH told me last night I wasn't affectionate enough toward him and he threatened to go find someone who would be. We will be getting counseling, but I'm a SAHM for 8 years -- what should I do now to protect myself and my kids in case this goes badly. We've been married for 15 years. [ Reply | Watch | Flag ]
General Topics 07.07.08, 02:02 PM Flag
 

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Can you just be more affectionate toward him? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 02:03 PM Flag
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Mine has said this on more than one occasion. I spend so much time w/ the kids,i don't have a lot of energy to be affectionate. I am trying to make a real effort to do it though. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 02:06 PM Flag
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I heard great advice on UB about going to every hard a** divorce lawyer you can find and have a consultation, that way dh can't use them. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 02:07 PM Flag
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Do you really want to "go low" this early? Give the guy some attention, he's actually telling you what he needs and wants, maybe there is something you'd like him to do to help you more in the marriage, like the dishes or something. If you don't want to got down that Divorce Road at least tey to accomadate him (write it down to remind yourself) he doesn't care how you get there, just that you do. It's a small price to pay instead of a Divorce. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 02:43 PM Flag
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That's great advice, going to all the "hard ass lawyers"? You are a moron. A bitter desperate, vengeful woman does stuff like that. Why would you suggest that as the first thing she should do. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 02:47 PM Flag
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I think "more affectionate" might be code for--he wants more sex. Just basing this on men in general--I feel like 90% of the time they view their happiness in a marriage on how much they are getting. Of course this might be too simplistic, just a thought. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 02:10 PM Flag
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no, it's really not about sex. he says it [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 02:14 PM Flag
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^^^ is more about touching and "noticing he is around". I was not raised in an affectionate home, so it doesn't come naturally for me, though I have made a concerted effort with the kids and that is pretty natural now. romantic affection is very foreign to me. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 02:16 PM Flag
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ok. Then you are the one who should get real help in this department. Have you tried therapy? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 02:31 PM Flag
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I was also not raised in a very "touchy-feely" family--I know it can be hard. I am verbally affectionate but not always naturally physically. I think it would be a great idea to try it--give him a back-rub, take a shower together, hold his hand, sit close on the couch. Maybe ask him what kinds of touch he is talking about. The more you do it, the more natural it may become. I am concerned about the fact that he threatened to leave though--that seems very extreme. Counseling will probably help. I wouldn't talk to a lawyer just yet--he may feel very threatened by that move. There will be plenty of time to explore that option if efforts to repair the marriage don't go well. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 02:35 PM Flag
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Your options are pretty limited. Obviously, try to work it out. Ask DH for a postnup to protect you and dc financially. And think about what you will do for money if you do divorce. Many SAHM get screwed through divorce. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 02:29 PM Flag
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