UrbanBaby

07.07.08, 13:29 PM General Topics
7 replies

Do you spend equal time with your parents and dh's? We've always spent more time with mine and since dd has been born ILs drop a lot of comments about this. We see them a good bit, they can come see dd whenever they want, and do. Sometimes I go to my parents for a week or so if DH is out of town (working) and ILs now seem peeved. Am I being unfair? I can't imagine spending a lot of time with them without dh since they can be kind of rude/passive aggressive toward me. [ Reply | Watch | Flag ]
General Topics 07.07.08, 01:29 PM Flag

Dear UrbanBaby community,

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UrbanBaby Support

Dh's parents are divorced. We visit my mother twice as long as we see them seperately. They've had a lot of problems with it. But my mom lives in the same area as dh's other family (aunts, uncles, etc...) so we don't feel guilty about it. Gosh, that reads like gibberish, eh? [ Reply | More

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General Topics 07.07.08, 01:34 PM Flag

op: this is part of it - I have a large extended family and visiting my family includes them. dh doesn't really have much extended family. i am wondering if i should address this with ILs directly in light of all the comments, or just continue to ignore. it really does get on my nerves. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 07.07.08, 01:40 PM Flag

As best you can, ignore. Right now, it's the their problem not yours. If they want to address it directly, then it will become your problem. I refuse to engage in any sort of "keeping score" and that includes feeling lousy for more time being spent with one side of the family than the other. FWIW, my grandparents always competed for time with my brother and I and made life really stressful. I can remember birthday parties basically being ruined because I had to pander to a couple of women who had had their share of birthday parties. It's hard, but ignore the comments for your child's sake. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 07.07.08, 01:44 PM Flag

I think that you're being fair. There's no rule written that you have to put yourself out for them, especially if you are fine with them coming whenever you want. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 07.07.08, 01:36 PM Flag

We absolutely spend more time with my family than his. If my mother was alive, my dd would spend more time with my mom than dh's mom, without a doubt. Dh doesn't have a very good relationship with his family - never has, never will. I'm very close to my family. Dh's family makes tons of comments about it, which is one reason we see them very little. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 07.07.08, 01:40 PM Flag

Nope. Dh's parents live in NYC like us, mine live in CA [ Reply | More

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General Topics 07.07.08, 01:40 PM Flag

More with mine, but they live a short drive away and dh's mom is several states over. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 07.07.08, 01:46 PM Flag