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07.07.08, 11:03 AM General Topics
63 replies
Does anybody know anything about surrendering an adopted baby? +no judgement, pls+ [ Reply | Watch | Flag ]
General Topics 07.07.08, 11:03 AM Flag
 

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Do you mean you adopted a child and are now reconsidering that? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 11:04 AM Flag
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No, I am sorry I do not. Did you have a lawyer for the adoption? Perhaps they can guide you. Good luck, I'm sure its a real struggle. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 11:04 AM Flag
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I don't. Did the agency you used give you any information? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 11:05 AM Flag
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General Topics 07.07.08, 11:05 AM Flag
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General Topics 07.07.08, 11:08 AM Flag
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I have heard of it being done, but have no idea of the processes. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 11:06 AM Flag
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Have you tried calling 311? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 11:07 AM Flag
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[ Removed by moderator ] [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 11:09 AM Flag
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^^^Dh and I are right now strongly considering adopting. You seem to have a perspective I haven't encountered, but must be valid. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 11:10 AM Flag
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I don't think that it is easy. Why are you trying to surrender? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 11:11 AM Flag
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i don't know but assuming the adoption is final, i don't think it would be any different than surrendering a bio child [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 11:12 AM Flag
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true. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 11:14 AM Flag
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How old is the baby? I don't know the specifics, but can you take advantage of the laws in the states that allow you to abadon baby at hospital/firehouse no questions asked? Again, I would check with lawyer before acting. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 11:12 AM Flag
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Those laws generally only apply to newborns--babies that are just born. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 11:13 AM Flag
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that is why I asked how old the baby was and said check - its the "generally" that needs to be turned into a specific. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 11:15 AM Flag
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Whatever--there's no way that an adopted baby is young enough for those laws to pertain. Your "specific" is not remotely helpful. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 11:17 AM Flag
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and your helpful suggestion is... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 11:21 AM Flag
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OMG, no they should not do that. They should make damn sure their child (and an adopted child is their child) gets the best home possible. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 11:14 AM Flag
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All depends on where did you adopt from and how long you have had the child. You need to go back to your adoption agency. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 11:12 AM Flag
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Did you have a judge? Maybe you can ask him or her. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 11:13 AM Flag
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Are you comfortable giving us more of an idea of what's going on? I feel for you and your child. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 11:14 AM Flag
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np, why does it matter - who cares what the reason is. She wants to know information that you don't need a reason for. Asking why is just being nosy. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 11:17 AM Flag
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I didn't ask for a reason--sorry, wasn't specific. But the advice would be different for an agency vs. private adoption, newborn vs. older child. That is what I meant. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 11:18 AM Flag
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nnp: Not necessarily. If the child has serious medical issues,the answer would be different than if it's just adjustment issue. In any case she needs to make sure child can find another place. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 11:18 AM Flag
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not necessarily. Some of the responders seem to belive that finding a placement for the child is OPs responsibility. It is not. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 11:22 AM Flag
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OP can just turn child over to CPS, just like you would do if you can't handle your bio kids. Then dc will end up in foster care. I would think that's very much last resort option. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 11:28 AM Flag
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would you like for me to call CPS and ask for you? I'm happy to. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 11:31 AM Flag
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you can't just turn over dc to CPS, there has to be a judge involved. CPS will avoid taking them at all costs. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 11:31 AM Flag
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^^^under most circumstances [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 11:32 AM Flag
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It is her ethical responsibility. This is her child! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 11:32 AM Flag
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That is your emotional opinon. It is not a fact. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 11:35 AM Flag
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NP IDA. I think anyone who gives up a child for any reason, bio or not, has a responsibility to find the best place possible for that child. You are supposed to take care of your children. If you can't do it yourself then you should find someone who can! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 11:38 AM Flag
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CPS will be in charge of finding the next place most likely. If you're giving up db, you loose your say. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 11:42 AM Flag
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This is so not true. You don't know what you are talking about. There is nothing that says you can't give your older child up for adoption. Whether you can find a suitable home is another question. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 11:50 AM Flag
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So, if you decided you didn't want your child any more, you don't think you have a responsibility to make sure your child has a good home? Are you actually a parent? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 11:39 AM Flag
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I think that it really depends on the circumstances. If she would give db up that was biologically hers if facing the same issues, then I can see giving up adopted db. There are some things that we aren't equipped or have the money to handle appropriately. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 11:41 AM Flag
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I didn't say there were no circumstances in which she would give up her child; I am saying, she shouldn't just dump him. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 11:49 AM Flag
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was this fake? op never responded... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 11:15 AM Flag
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My guesss is this is real only b/c I never heard of such a thing [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 11:16 AM Flag
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I hope so. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 11:17 AM Flag
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OP dosn't need to respond to the questions about why she is doing this. She asked for information. Why are you demanding a response or calling fake? Do you have any information to give her? IF not, collapse. Who needs you to sit in judgement of fake and real posts anyway? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 11:19 AM Flag
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Well, obliviously it depends on the situation. If it is a birth problem that was disclosed, then it is nearly impossible to give back dc. If it was in this country from social services, then you need to contact them first. If it was recent from another country, you need to contact agency, but if it was a long time ago, then social services is the place to start. I've heard of a ton of different situations, but with so little info, there's no way to know where to start. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 11:24 AM Flag
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If the adoption is final, wouldn't they be, in effect, putting the baby up for adoption again rather than giving the baby back? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 11:28 AM Flag
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it would depend on how long and under what circumstances. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 11:30 AM Flag
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General Topics 07.07.08, 11:35 AM Flag
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why would a responsible adult do that? We don't know if the OP just changed her mind, if the child is ill or special needs, if the OP has serious drug problems or what. Why wouldn't someone attempt to find a good home for their child if it's at all possible? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 11:37 AM Flag
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np: you seem really invested in a post on an anonymous board. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 11:31 AM Flag
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What in my response makes you think that? Because I stated she needs offer no reason? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 11:38 AM Flag
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No, it was the collapse and who needs you to sit in judgment language [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 11:52 AM Flag
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The "fake" posters get to me too, they just show their ignorance. If its not their experience or suit their sensiblity it must be fake. Just ignore them [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 11:58 AM Flag
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I'm an adoptive parent. I have heard of people doing this when the child suffers from fetal alcohol syndrome or the like, but it's hard for me to imaging. Why are you considering doing this? Are you really? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 11:16 AM Flag
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adoptionservices.org and adoptingfamiliesresources.com are legitimate sites where you or your friend may find therapists to work with you on post adoption issues..... 1 800 943 0400. Please call them as they may be able to help you. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 11:18 AM Flag
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I think all parents have moments when they think, however fleetingly, What have I done? Is it more than that? Parenthood can be hard. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 11:19 AM Flag
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hijack: best piece of advice I've heard regarding adoptions is to stay away from former USSR countries b/c they have significantly higher fetal alcohol syndrome. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 11:20 AM Flag
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And, sadly, American Indian reservations. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 11:21 AM Flag
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Yep but people still go there, mainly because it's one of the few places where you can get caucasian dc. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 11:22 AM Flag
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Do you live in NY State? If you tell me the state you live in, your marital status and the date adoption was final, I'll make some calls for you. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 11:24 AM Flag
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sorry, no backsies [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 06:22 PM Flag
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I have not read all the other responses yet, but it is called adoption disruption. UB is not the right place to ask about that, you need to find adoptive family forums (for example, there is an attachment disorder network, other places, blogs). And you have to be way more informed before thinking about anything like this (and in any case if you have adopted you have to get informed on these issues) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 06:25 PM Flag
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Good advice (np). So sad that it's sometimes necessary. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 06:35 PM Flag
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The adopted parents are like any other adopted parent. If you want to surrender, you need to go to Family Court to surrender parental rights. If no one is there to take the child, the child will go into foster care until a permanent resource is found. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 07:14 PM Flag
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get in touch with achildswaiting.om...they are an agency that works with adoption dissolution situations and placements [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 07:34 PM Flag
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^^^^^^achildswaiting.com [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 08:52 PM Flag
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