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07.07.08, 07:22 AM TTC
38 replies
Major moral question here. My husband and I have been TTC for over 6 years (3 miscarriages, 2 unsuccessful IVF cycles, countless failed IUS, etc.). We've finally accepted that it's not in the cards for us, but we want desperately to experience pregnancy/birth. My sister has offered my 15 year old niece's eggs. I love the idea of genetically "keeping it in the family" and it will be more cost effective than a traditional donor egg program, but I wonder if it will have any emotional effect on my niece. Thoughts? [ Reply | Watch | Flag ]
TTC 07.07.08, 07:22 AM Flag
 

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is that even legal? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 07:23 AM Flag
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I don't think that it would be. Certainly not ethical at all. The donor process can be somewhat painful. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 07:24 AM Flag
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I have to believe with all my heart that this is a fake post. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 07:23 AM Flag
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ITA. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 07:24 AM Flag
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ditto. a bad fake too [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 07:24 AM Flag
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I really hope so too. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 07:24 AM Flag
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My first thought is that this is fake....a 15 yo should not be making a decision to donate her eggs and put her body through that, nor should her mother be making that decision for her. I doubt any doctor would harvest eggs from a minor child. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 07:24 AM Flag
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This is fake, right? If not you are a very selfish and misguided person. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 07:25 AM Flag
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What's wrong with you people!? It's a legitimate question. Obviously none of you have struggled with infertility. I don't have 40k for the donor program and know people who have harvested eggs from friends/relatives. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 07:29 AM Flag
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from friends and family, not a 15 year old girl! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 07:31 AM Flag
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What do you think it's like ? COMA ? She has to consent, cannot legally give consent, and therefore it is a ridiculous premise. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 07:31 AM Flag
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uh, nothing wrong with getting eggs from a relative as long as that relative is not a minor child. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 07:31 AM Flag
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I have been through I/F. I would never even consider having a 15 y.o. girl, that's right GIRL!, contribute eggs so I can fulfill my desire for pregnancy & birth. We went the adoption route instead. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 07:45 AM Flag
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Why selfish and misguided? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 07:30 AM Flag
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A 15yo cannot possibly understand how this is going to emotionally effect her, so she cannot possibly give consent to such a thing. It was horrible of the mother to even suggest it, and I'm assuming she did not discuss it with her daughter first before telling you. That puts the 15yo GIRL in a horrible spot. Thankfully, I doubt that any doctor in the US will agree to it. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 07:33 AM Flag
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Actually my RE has performed a similar procedure and said it's completely legal w/ parental consent [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 07:36 AM Flag
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That's insane! I was a mature 15yo, but there is no way I could have handled that. Has the daughter even been told that you all are considering putting her through this? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 07:37 AM Flag
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what's a RE ? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 07:41 AM Flag
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I don't know what it stand for, but it's a doctor that does all the fertility treatments. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 07:44 AM Flag
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reproductive endocrinologist. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 07:45 AM Flag
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thank you. People just throw on initials here sometimes and I am clueless ! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 07:46 AM Flag
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I wouldn't know if I hadn't been to one. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 07:51 AM Flag
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LOL ! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 07:51 AM Flag
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Is what she wrote correct ? can they actually take eggs from a 15 yo with parental approval ? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 07:51 AM Flag
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I don't know. We only did one IVF--huge failure--the docs all started pushing donor egg and we just turned the other way and went straight to adoption. I assume if a girl is ovulating it is possible to harvest eggs from her, but I have trouble seeing an ethical doctor agreeing to do that--it is an invasive procedure. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 07:53 AM Flag
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thanks. it seems wacky. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 07:54 AM Flag
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Can you explain what's selfish and misguided about it? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 07:31 AM Flag
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You're acting like she's not a child herself. She can't possibly be ready to handle that sort of decision. I know that you're hurt and scared about the next phase of fertility treatments, but you should not involve a child in them. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 07:41 AM Flag
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I also have been ttc for along time after #1 was born. But I would not do what you are contemplating. A 15 yo doe snot have the ability to make that kind of decision and this could totally screw up her life. Her mother should offer her OWN eggs, not those of her teen daughter. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 07:33 AM Flag
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ITA...that girl's mother is a nut job....who would do such a thing? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 07:34 AM Flag
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If I found out my mother got me by getting eggs from a 15yo, I would never forgive her. Where's the respect for childhood? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 07:39 AM Flag
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Wow, no need to hold back on your true feelings, but you've all given me much needed perspective. Sometimes you want something so badly that you lose sight of the other side of the equation. I'm normally a very rational person but I think I'm losing my mind over my desire to have a baby. When I read the postings I realized what an absurd idea it is so thanks for the much needed slap in the face. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 08:29 AM Flag
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I understand the desperation--it sounds like you really lost perspective. You may not want to consider adoption at all, but you might still find the book Adopting After Inferility helpful. The first section is exercises for a couple to do to get clarity on what it is they really want/need. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 08:39 AM Flag
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I am sorry that you're going through this. You're not alone in loosing perspective while ttc. You've obviously been through a lot. I'm glad that reading these responses has helped to wake you up. Good luck and I hope that everything works out for you. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 10:03 AM Flag
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why not get them from your sister instead of a 15yo who may have regrets someday? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 08:27 AM Flag
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My sisters are all in their 40s so I doubt the quality would be very good. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.07.08, 08:30 AM Flag
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Think of the privacy aspect, as well, and would you want your niece to tell your future child that she is the donor. Don't think it couldn't be blurted out one day and that would screw your kid up. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.20.08, 08:18 PM Flag
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I think this family is obviously completely f'd up. What gives you the right? You are infertile. Well, deal with it. But don't use your 15 year old niece to satisfy your own sick ideas. Put an ad for an NYU student in the student paper or something. This is the sickest post I have ever read on UB and your sister should have her children taken away from her. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 09.20.08, 08:23 PM Flag
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