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07.06.08, 17:32 PM Toddler
16 replies
my step-daughter came to me feeling completely hopeless - she has never had a real bf for a number of good reasons, she has not had sex, barely done anything with a boy-she mentioned that she has come close to dating some guys, but she just stopped things dead in their tracks - she admitted to me that she finds herself constantly comparing other men to the boy that grew up next door to her, they were extremely close up until third grade or so when girls started to get cooties, but always remained pals and supported each other - apparently she can't see herself with anyone else, but timing has always been an issue bc he had a girlfriend when she was ready for a relationship and wanted to tell him and then when they broke up for a brief time she was away at school and wasn't even aware - then he and his gf got back together. i tried to tell her that if it is meant to be it will and he is only 23 and likely won't be marrying this girl he is with, i told her if it is meant to be it will be but she just needs to move on and let herself enjoy life. anyone btdt - it is odd bc the two really seem meant to be but the stars arent aligned just yet - his parents even love and adore step-dd [ Reply | Watch | Flag ]
Toddler 07.06.08, 05:32 PM Flag
 

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how old is she? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.06.08, 05:33 PM Flag
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21 [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.06.08, 05:38 PM Flag
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I think your step-daughter has other issues, none of them related to this fantasy boyfriend. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.06.08, 05:34 PM Flag
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np ITA and OP is not helping by adding to the fantasy that they are "meant to be" or some crap [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.06.08, 05:35 PM Flag
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no i never told her they are meant to be, it is just one of those feelings when you see two people and think they would be great together - but certainly would never ever feed her with that [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.06.08, 05:36 PM Flag
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ok good. Then I think you should encourage her to get out and date. Try to find out what her hesitation is about it, why she shuts guys down like that and help her fix it. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.06.08, 05:41 PM Flag
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i've found out some/pieced together some - she seems to wind up starting to fall for guys but once some flaws come out they end up being ones she cant deal with (pot smoking, really bad mood swings, things she cant see herself living with), she also doesnt see the point of being oin a relationship that she knows wont go anywhere. not to mention she lives in manhattan which is the most difficult place to meet men! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.06.08, 05:44 PM Flag
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are the "flaws" really bad things like you mentioned or does she have Sienfeld symdrome? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.06.08, 05:46 PM Flag
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a little bit of each - one guy smoked a lot of pot and that wasnt something she could see herself being accpeting of, another guy was an underachiever and total slacker in school which is completely oppositre of her [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.06.08, 06:18 PM Flag
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A close friend had the same issues/problems for many years. Then she confessed to being molested by her rabbi around senior year. She's happily married now but it took awhile to trust someone intimately. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.06.08, 06:09 PM Flag
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she needs to get laid, and not by mr. prince charming [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.06.08, 05:35 PM Flag
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itd - i was a virgin until i was 22 bc after a certain point of waiting - i didnt want to give it up to just anyone, i wanted it to be with the right person after waiting so long [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.06.08, 05:37 PM Flag
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after a certain age the whole virginity takes on a very overblown importance that makes it excrutiating to live with imo [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.06.08, 05:39 PM Flag
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definitely true - the longer you wait the more importance you put on finding the right guy, and the older you get the more picky you are about who the right guy is - it sucks! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.06.08, 05:39 PM Flag
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ita same here [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.06.08, 05:39 PM Flag
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ITA -- signed someone who barely dated and who felt like the world's oldest virgin. I didn't "mean" to wait -- I was a late bloomer and introverted and, after a while, it was easier not to date (if that makes sense). I get how she's feeling -- but I also think she should get out there! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.06.08, 05:52 PM Flag
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