UrbanBaby

07.06.08, 04:39 AM New York City
12 replies

Interfaith Marriage help. Dh jewish, I am not, we agreed dcs would be exposd to both but indoctrinated into neither. Now as dc#1 gets older DH is putting on pressure for a temple preK and religious school in a few years. This is not what we agreed to, DCs have only been to church twice because we agreed not to push one or the other but now when I argue about temple schools he says I am racist! Help me please what to do! [ Reply | Watch | Flag ]
New York City 07.06.08, 04:39 AM Flag

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your dh is WRONG and he misled you on purpose (it sounds). Is he being pressured by his family? Stand your ground because it's not fair that he gets to choose what religion your dc will be raised with. Also isn't the jewish rule that the dc is what the mom is? [ Reply | More

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General Topics 07.06.08, 04:44 AM Flag

^^^he really should look up the meaning of racism before he pulls it out. You aren't being racist but you are following what you both agreed on many yrs back. He needs to realize an agreement is an agreement [ Reply | More

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General Topics 07.06.08, 04:47 AM Flag

TY I have tried to explain this but he has become all too stubborn all of a sudden. His family is pressuring him and he feels this need to contribute to more jewish families. I want to say he should have married one of his many jewish girlfriends 10 years ago then! [ Reply | More

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General Topics 07.06.08, 04:50 AM Flag

he needs to learn to stand up to his family. It's going to be up to him to set them straight if not he will let them come into your marriage (which isn't a good thing). Why can't your dc go to a reg. preschool but you both get to show him both faiths. I had a friend raised jewish and catholic. She grew up appreciating both sides [ Reply | More

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General Topics 07.06.08, 04:54 AM Flag

^^^his mom should remember that you could pull out the stubborn card too. You may have to have a talk with his family and explain what their pressuring is doing to your family. GL. I hate to hear ppl arguing over things that are being stirred up by one side of the family [ Reply | More

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General Topics 07.06.08, 04:57 AM Flag

Thank you. HATE my in laws now. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 07.06.08, 05:02 AM Flag

Problem is all of a sudden he treats the church as evil. Isn't open to even having them go to church let alone observe even in a small way. Miserable, I am just so unhappy and feel so small, also starting to resent him and his family. Regular preschool I can convince him of but he is dead set he says on raising jewish. When I say he is changing the plan he says everyone is entitled to change minds especially about religion and dcs. I feel like his attitude is not so much pro-judaism as it is anti-mommy's religion! [ Reply | More

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General Topics 07.06.08, 05:01 AM Flag

he is being unfair. They should be exposed to both or none--as per your original agreement. Does he realize that he is being disrespectful of your religion? I vote for regular preschool and they can be exposed to both (if that is what you want). I'm with you! [ Reply | More

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General Topics 07.06.08, 06:08 AM Flag

This sounds fake. Racist? What a weird word, esp for a husband to use. If this is real, contact the JCC interfaith counselor Rabbi Carol Levithan. [ Reply | More

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General Topics 07.06.08, 06:16 AM Flag

Well, if it's any consolation, we agreed to raise dcs Jewish (dh is, I'm not) and we are having conflicts too. (I was raised celebrating christmas/easter but never went to church/wasn't baptised). Oldest is 7 and while I don't have any issues with him going to hebrew school, it's just a huge PITA to fit it into our busy schedule (and of course I have to take him, not dh)..DC hates it, doesn't want to go, doesn't want to miss other activities for it and I have to listen to all the complaints while dh is at work. So the whole burden for what dh wants falls on me and the kids. (and I feel like dh's parents want it more than dh really does) [ Reply | More

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General Topics 07.06.08, 10:31 AM Flag

NP and I've had this same problem (DH's family doesn't care what he does, but he suddenly hit a "I'm betraying the Jewish people" phase). I feel for you. It's very hard. We ended up going to couples counseling about it to try to get to the root of both of our feelings. In the end, it turned out it had a lot to do with his guilt over being non-practicing--felt he had to somehow make sure DCs get the education he got b/c he can't teach them anything Jewish (though of course he can). Often this issue is about the parent not wanting to cope with his/her own feelings about the religion. Happy to talk more if you need (I had some bad years with this myself--ugh). [ Reply | More

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General Topics 07.06.08, 10:34 AM Flag

np who was the counselor? because that sounds EXACTLY like my DH... [ Reply | More

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General Topics 07.06.08, 01:23 PM Flag