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07.03.08, 11:44 AM General Topics
25 replies
I am so upset. DH and I just got off the phone, he is working and doesn't know when he will be done (this happens all the time, we always have to cancel plans). I told him i'm just waiting to hear from him regarding when we'll leave for the weekend, but of course it upsets me. Then he started saying that we have a real problem because I get upset about his work schedule, and "people who've only been married 3 months" like us shouldn't have problems like this. [ Reply | Watch | Flag ]
General Topics 07.03.08, 11:44 AM Flag
 

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did you have these problems before you got married? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 11:46 AM Flag
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somewhat, but they have escalated in the last few months, he's been traveling a lot and has also been in bad moods a lot more. I posted earlier about his constantly asking me if I still love him, and being needy, but I do so much for him and try to alway be understanding. Its impossible to be understanding 100% of the time though [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 11:50 AM Flag
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Was he like this when you were dating? If so you can't really expect him to change too much. He should try to be more organized so he doesn't leave you hanging around waiting for him. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 11:46 AM Flag
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it isn't organization, it is his job, but I agree that he should try to work on it... [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 11:51 AM Flag
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has his work scheduled changed since you got married. did you have a problem with it before you were married? you sound a little picky. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 11:47 AM Flag
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how do you mean picky? He is a lawyer so his work schedule isn't entirely up to him. He works incredibly hard and is very very good at his job, so he's often called upon to do extra work and he NEVER says no. That is the really hard thing/ [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 11:49 AM Flag
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I still don't get your point. He's a lawyer... and... so what. He works hard.... and... so what. Then stop complaining. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 11:52 AM Flag
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I never said I was complaining. Jeez! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 11:53 AM Flag
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reread your post [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 11:54 AM Flag
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I get upset, but I don't complain. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 11:58 AM Flag
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not sure what the diff is [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 11:59 AM Flag
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Probably the more fuss you make about him being late the later he will ne to prove his independence from you. If you think he is choosing to stay late you need to sit him down and tell him calmly why it's a problem. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 11:50 AM Flag
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I try not to make a fuss at all, it is just really frustrating, and I tell him it is fine, not to worry, I'm ready whenever he is, etc. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 11:53 AM Flag
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have you only been married 3mos? what kind of job does your dh have? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 11:51 AM Flag
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oh. I see above you said he's a lawyer. I assume he's an associate? possibly in big law? get used to it, honey. Their schedules aren't their own -- that's why they get paid as much as they do. He should work for a while to get experience, then find an inhouse job that is less demanding/more regular hours. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 11:56 AM Flag
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that is his plan. I am honestly the most supportive wife I can be (his colleagues have commented on it) but it is really difficult when he turns it around and blames me for his having to work - I'm sorry for HIM that he has to work [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 12:00 PM Flag
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sorry, I know how hard it is. He is under a lot of stress, and I'm sure he is just as annoyed and disappointed as you are that your weekend plans may be spoiled, and unfortunately it only adds to the stress when he feels like he's letting you down. Unfortunately this is just the way it is in big law, and it's best to just learn to live with it until the time (and opportunity) comes to leave. BTDT. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 12:16 PM Flag
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Just be yourself and accept that you dh has a stressful job. Do not go over the top trying to make him happy or you will end up resenting him and resenting the face that he does not do the same for you. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 11:56 AM Flag
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this is what a big-law job is. it stinks i know as my dh is also big-law. wish i had some words of wisdom, but i can only tell you, it doesn't get better. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 11:56 AM Flag
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but his saying "we have problems" is what has upset me. I don't think we have problems that can't be worked through, or that most other people in the same situation we are in have [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 11:59 AM Flag
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if i read correctly, did you tell him it upset you to wait to hear when you were going to leave? i can see him being frustrated if you can't come to grips with him not having control of his work schedule. he's prob similarly frustrated and it won't help if you heap it on him [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 12:04 PM Flag
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no, I didn't. I told him that I wasn't happy about the situation but I understand his time isn't his own and I'm just waiting to hear from him. The thing is, when he works so much he's always in a bad mood, but he blames it on me, even though when he's in a bad mood I just try and mkae him happy [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 12:05 PM Flag
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it sounds like he is trying to manipulate you. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 12:15 PM Flag
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Having to work so hard can put anyone in a bad mood; on top of that he probably feels guilty about making you unhappy (b/c of the uncertainty of his schedule). Sorry, but you'll need to adjust your expectations if you both want to survive this period of life. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 12:19 PM Flag
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See - your DH has it exactly opposite. This is EXACTLY the kind of thing people who've been married for 3 months fight about. Once you've been together 10 yrs, you've figured out how to deal with DH's crazy work schedule. I have 3 kids and now the only thing that upsets me is DH not returning phone calls at all or saying he's leaving work right now and not showing up for two hours. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 12:21 PM Flag
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