< Return to Talk
07.03.08, 10:52 AM Newborn
50 replies
first holiday since dh and i decided we are divorcing and it is much tougher than i thought - i still haven't told many people what is going on, and most that i have do not know why we are getting divorced; i thought i wouldn't let him ruin the holiday for me but he is bringing me down [ Reply | Watch | Flag ]
Newborn 07.03.08, 10:52 AM Flag
 

Dear UrbanBaby community,

Thank you so much for being a valued member of the UrbanBaby community. We wanted to inform you that we are shutting down the site on July 6th. We are grateful for your participation and support that has helped make UrbanBaby such an important resource to parents for many years.

If you have any questions or concerns, you can email us at urbanbaby-support@cbsinteractive.com.

Thanks so much,

UrbanBaby Support

»
why do ppl need to know WHY you are getting divorced? It's no ones business [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 07.03.08, 10:55 AM Flag
»
well our divorce isnt exactly expected, the few i told were shocked that our marriage was over [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 07.03.08, 11:02 AM Flag
»
yes I'm sure they were shocked but my point is that they don't need to know details unless you want them to. You shouldn't feel like you have to give an explanation especially now that things are still raw [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 07.03.08, 11:07 AM Flag
»
Why are you getting divorced? It sounds like you're not certain you want to. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 07.03.08, 11:05 AM Flag
»
no i am sure, dh cheated for a long time with the same woman [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 07.03.08, 11:08 AM Flag
»
It sucks. Go ahead and tell people, it's not going to be as bad as you think it is. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 07.03.08, 11:13 AM Flag
»
is she still in his life ? is he repentant or petulant ? [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 07.03.08, 11:14 AM Flag
»
yes she is, it is embarassing, she is so young [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 07.03.08, 11:16 AM Flag
»
I am sorry. When I see men with their young second wives or girlfreinds I take satisfaction in the fact that karma is a bitch. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 07.03.08, 11:18 AM Flag
»
wow, you are so judgemental. I'm the product of a 2nd younger wife (20 years but she had nothing to do with breaking up my dad's first marriage) and my parents have been happily married for nearly 40 years. How can you judge without know the situation? [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 07.03.08, 11:19 AM Flag
»
Ummm because she said she was sleeping with her husband for a long time. With others I judge it when I know the first wife. Now, turn down the venom. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 07.03.08, 11:20 AM Flag
»
Your response was "When i see men with their young second wives or girlfriends" - not about this poster, about these situations in general. And your post was much more venemous than mine! [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 07.03.08, 11:22 AM Flag
»
I'll try to much more clear in the future. Thank you. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 07.03.08, 11:24 AM Flag
»
clarity would help. I'm sorry, but judging others when you don't know the whole story is a terrible habit [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 07.03.08, 11:26 AM Flag
»
so is being sanctimonious [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 07.03.08, 11:28 AM Flag
»
np: You are not going to win this one. Just say you are sorry and move on. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 07.03.08, 11:37 AM Flag
»
they both need to get over their damn selves this isnt helping op at all, wtf this entire post is these two fat catty bitches fighting [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 07.03.08, 11:39 AM Flag
»
meow [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 07.03.08, 11:41 AM Flag
»
np; sorry but when a woman knowingly sleeps with a married man, she's got issues. I don't care what you say, a mistress is a mistress at any age. They are both to blame. The woman doesn't get away from the affair clean. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 07.03.08, 11:22 AM Flag
»
But how can the responder know that a younger woman with a man slept with him while he was married? or that he was ever married before? You assume WAY too much. in my family's case my dad was separated before he ever met my mom [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 07.03.08, 11:23 AM Flag
»
well op noted that the woman knows her children and obviously knows that op and her dh were married [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 07.03.08, 11:25 AM Flag
»
yes, but my response was to the perso who said "When I see men with their young second wives or girlfreinds I take satisfaction in the fact that karma is a bitch." [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 07.03.08, 11:25 AM Flag
»
maybe you need to talk through your issues with being the child of a young trophy wife [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 07.03.08, 11:27 AM Flag
»
ha! assuming again - I'm not the child of a trophy wife - my mom was 39 when I was born, my mom was 32 when they met [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 07.03.08, 11:29 AM Flag
»
you said yourself your mom is the second younger wife. maybe you need to add some clarity. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 07.03.08, 11:33 AM Flag
»
wow you really are helping the op with her concerns! way to turn this entire post about yourself! good job! [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 07.03.08, 11:35 AM Flag
»
np: If your dad was 52 when they met (you said above 20 years' difference), she WAS a trophy wife. And she was a big girl, probably handled any comments/looks better than you are. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 07.03.08, 03:50 PM Flag
»
np: ITA. Get over yourself! [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 07.03.08, 03:45 PM Flag
»
well if this is not the case then you shoudl rest assured that karma will not be a bitch to your family rather than getting so defensive :) [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 07.03.08, 11:28 AM Flag
»
She clarified that, no ? It seems like you've got issues actually. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 07.03.08, 11:26 AM Flag
»
I don't see how she clarified it, thanks? I don't have issues, i just take issue when people go after couples with age differences without knowing the situation [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 07.03.08, 11:28 AM Flag
»
seriously, she's was talking about guys who cheat, and women who expect that once they finally get married, then all will be fine. You're totally taking this out of the context of the situation. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 07.03.08, 11:29 AM Flag
»
do your children know ? [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 07.03.08, 11:18 AM Flag
»
they know that mommy and daddy aren't going to be living together anymore and won't be married to each other, they do not know about the other woman - it is a delicate situation bc dc know her [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 07.03.08, 11:23 AM Flag
»
that is tough. I'm sorry. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 07.03.08, 11:24 AM Flag
»
I'm sure your friends will be kind and understanding, but I also totally understand maybe not wanting to even talk about it / address it / go into it. Do what you have to do to get through the weekend ! [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 07.03.08, 11:37 AM Flag
»
yeah, i just hope my dc are ok [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 07.03.08, 03:39 PM Flag
»
do you really consider this a major holiday? just wonderinf [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 07.03.08, 11:18 AM Flag
»
well it is just a big holiday in our family, we always have a huge barbecue and just sit back, have fun and relax by the pool with lots of friends and family - our whole block just goes from yard to yard [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 07.03.08, 11:22 AM Flag
»
I see. Its great that you have such a lovely neighborhood. Sorry about the divorce but I am sure you will find people being very understanding. You don't have to go into details [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 07.03.08, 11:22 AM Flag
»
just spend time with your kids, when you see them happy and smiling it will put your mind at ease [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 07.03.08, 11:37 AM Flag
»
dh and I are close to calling it a day too. he took kids to spend weekend with his family who live very far away. I'm here alone. I miss my kids and I'm pretty sad too. Hang in there. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 07.03.08, 11:43 AM Flag
»
Do you have people to be with this weekend ? Would you rather just be alone ? [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 07.03.08, 11:45 AM Flag
»
I might go spend a night at my mom's house. I might go see SATC with a friend tomorrow night. I'm just depressed and really don't have the energy to do anything. My marriage is a mess - my life is unravelling - well, you know what I mean. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 07.03.08, 11:46 AM Flag
»
Oh Honey... See the movie. Can you do something just great for yourself tonight ? Buy a great bottle of wine and take a long bath or read a book you've wanted to read or go out with a friend ? I know that feeling of everything caving in, but it is just the ebb and flow of life... The pendulum will swing the other way. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 07.03.08, 11:48 AM Flag
»
When? My marriage just keeps getting worse. Now we can barely stand to be in the same room together. I was suppose to go away with dh and kids this weekend, but then he told me that he thought it would be best if I didn't go. THEN..... he's like, so what should we tell my mom? I'm like, um, how about the truth - and then he says, you know she'll be a wreck. OK, is that my problem??? My mom has been a wreck for a long time... [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 07.03.08, 11:51 AM Flag
»
I was in a class this Am and the instructor read a passage from a book about getting OK with uncertainty. It sounds very touchy-feely and all that, but the gist of it was this is a continuum and the crap is part of the process and while it sucks and we're sad, you just trudge through it to the other side. I wouldn't give a care about his mother and would tell him so. I also wouldn't give a care about how he chose to tell her or not. Your priority - IMHO - should be you and DC and ONLY you and DC. Do you have someone you can talk to ? a shrink ? a friend who's a great listener ? [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 07.03.08, 11:54 AM Flag
»
Yes, I have my sister, who is so great, and a few very, very good friend. I'm lucky in that sense. I know his family is going to be upset. That is not my problem and I told him so. He wanted to tell them that I was sick. I was like, o.k., and you don't think the kids are going to say something - and, if I were THAT sick, why are you all going - and, don't you think you mom might call me. Finally, I said, tell her what you want but I'm not coughing into any phone. I know things are always changing, and I keep praying that he will see the light some day, and that things will get better. Unfortunately, they just keep getting worse. My sit is also complicated by the fact that he suffers from mental illness. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 07.03.08, 11:58 AM Flag
»
Well that's a HUGE complication. Is he being treated or is he in denial ? And do you feel guilty about a divorce because you feel responsible for him since he has this issue ? You haven't said if it is major or minor. Anyway, I hope you do something to make yourself feel happy this weekend. [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 07.03.08, 03:42 PM Flag
»
you'll be ok, i know you probably worry about your kids but i assure you they will be fine - you are overthinking it, they are so youing and innocent they probably won't realize how different things are w/o their dad on the fourth - and if you are very concerned, is there anyway you would be willing to allow dh to be there, if there are many people then you could probably avoid him enough [ Reply | More
]
General Topics 07.03.08, 07:12 PM Flag
Refresh » New Post »
Select Category
close [X]

close [X]

Select a Category (only 1)

category
Stages
Regions