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07.03.08, 07:46 AM General Topics
12 replies
FIL is fighting cancer (and doing really well atm) but has been having stomach pains the last few days and dx with diverticulitis. Now MIL is calling me in a panic because he is still in pain (just got on meds this am) and is constipated... I have Crohn's so I know how it is, and it isn't fun, but it will pass and in the grand scheme of things it is not a big deal. Why does she make everything such a catastrophe? Not calling DH because he's swamped w/ work and in a bad mood, now wondering if we're actually going to be able to go away this weekend.... [ Reply | Watch | Flag ]
General Topics 07.03.08, 07:46 AM Flag
 

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She feels helpless and anxious. Give her your best soothing long-term perspective and praise her for the rock she is being for her DH. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 07:52 AM Flag
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that is what I have done (and did this am) but she is the most anxious person in the world. Honestly, she called me hysterically once because his temperature was 99.7! [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 07:53 AM Flag
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you sound like a very patient DIL, she is lucky to have you. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 07:56 AM Flag
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thanks, I'm trying... its been 7 months since his dx and some very difficult times, but luckily things are going well overall at the moment, except for this little blip. Unfortunately its only a matter of time with the cancer he has, but we're trying to encourage them to make the most of it. Both are really really depressed which isn't good, and fought getting help until recently, which has made a lot of difference. Its just really had to not be able to plan fun things with dh and always having to cancel when we do plan [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 07:58 AM Flag
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what kind does he have? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 10:16 AM Flag
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pancreatic [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 10:17 AM Flag
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So. My dad just died of liver cancer 2mos ago after being dx 10 mos before. My mom, also anxious, became OBSESSED with his care. That's all she could talk about or think about. It was annoying because we all deal with this sort of thing differently, but thats what she had to do for herself. And in reality, being hyper aware of all these issues and changes is really important. As it turns out, the last time he was having complications - constipation, heartburn, pain - we all thought it was just continued issues around the pain meds and diet. But no, his whole GI system was shutting down due to the infiltration of the cancer. Not to say that's what is happening to your FIL, but if I knew his last week wasn't a passing complication but instead the end of his life, I would have been there more for him. You just never know with cancer even though you have to hope for the best. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 10:24 AM Flag
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wow, thanks for really freaking me out. I'm sorry you lost your dad. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 10:26 AM Flag
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I didnt mean to freak you out - but you sound keep in mind that things with cancer change quickly. Don't take it for granted. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 10:36 AM Flag
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I'm not taking anything for granted. His ca19-9 levels are around 200 (VERY low), his last scan showed shrinkage in his tumors, and he is eating well and everything else is going well. He has diverticulitis which will be helped with an antibiotic and then hopefully he'll go back to being ok for the moment. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 10:38 AM Flag
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sound = should [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 10:44 AM Flag
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not to be simplistic but he should be put on more pain meds to get through this time if he can...I know pancreatic cancer and there are so many variables...poor guy its so hard to watch someone suffer...I truly hope you all have support you need and just try and be there for her and your dh esp. when the end is near...how long has he been diagnosed? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.03.08, 06:53 PM Flag
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