< Return to Talk
07.02.08, 19:19 PM General Topics
68 replies
I hate dh so much. We barely scrape by living together. If we divorce we will be destitute. I am seriously considering an affair just to have some happiness in my life. [ Reply | Watch | Flag ]
General Topics 07.02.08, 07:19 PM Flag
 

Dear UrbanBaby community,

Thank you so much for being a valued member of the UrbanBaby community. We wanted to inform you that we are shutting down the site on July 6th. We are grateful for your participation and support that has helped make UrbanBaby such an important resource to parents for many years.

If you have any questions or concerns, you can email us at urbanbaby-support@cbsinteractive.com.

Thanks so much,

UrbanBaby Support

»
Money is a lousy reason to stay together. And your excuse for an affair is shameful. If you are unhappy, divorce. If that means getting a second job, do it. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.02.08, 07:20 PM Flag
»
ITA and well said [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.02.08, 07:20 PM Flag
»
I think that it depends on her definition of destitute. If they both really make little money (like 40k), then divorce becomes very hard. If we are talking NYC poor and they both make 100k, then it is time to get out. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.02.08, 07:23 PM Flag
»
I don't care how poor you are, living inmisery with someone you hate is far worse than any poor she might be for awhile. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.02.08, 07:25 PM Flag
»
we live in the suburbs. We make a combined 50k. I took a second job delivering newspapers at the most ungodly hours of the morning so we could buy better quality food. We are BROKE. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.02.08, 07:26 PM Flag
»
So leave him and provide for yourself. Don't expect him to feed you while you boink another man. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.02.08, 07:28 PM Flag
»
That's pretty bad. Could the relationship going south have more to do with money stress than anything else, or was he a jerk before money got so tight? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.02.08, 07:29 PM Flag
»
a paper route! how much extra money does that pull in? how old are dcs? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.02.08, 07:29 PM Flag
»
I must have missed that portion of the wedding vows: To have and to hold, for richer and for incomes above $60K... [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.02.08, 07:27 PM Flag
»
LMAO! I truly love you ;-) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.02.08, 07:28 PM Flag
»
you misread the post (or i was unclear). I'm not unhappy because we're poor, I'm staying because we're poor. I'm unhappy because he yells at me constantly and orders me around like a servant. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.02.08, 07:30 PM Flag
»
Have you put your foot down? There is no way my dh would think that is acceptable. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.02.08, 07:31 PM Flag
»
But you think you can cheat on him because you are unhappy and, in your opinion, too poor to divorce. Correct? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.02.08, 07:33 PM Flag
»
I already have a second job. And my excuse for an affair is the fact that he treats me like $hit and I deserve better, but leaving would mean barely putting food on the table. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.02.08, 07:22 PM Flag
»
You work two jobs, plus your DH's job(s) and can't put food on the table? There has to be more to this story. Where is your money going? If you deserve better, leave him. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.02.08, 07:23 PM Flag
»
I say have the affair. Just ask dh if its ok and if he says yes, go for it. That's what we did. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.02.08, 07:22 PM Flag
»
holy jealousy batman. what an awesome understanding dh. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.02.08, 07:24 PM Flag
»
seriously... do tell!!! your dh gave your permission for an affair? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.02.08, 07:24 PM Flag
»
yep, we are married in name only - be discreet, no problem. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.02.08, 07:25 PM Flag
»
I know this is bitchy and naive but what the hell kind of jobs do you have that between three jobs you are still scraping by. Do you have a drug problem too? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.02.08, 07:26 PM Flag
»
Wow. that was bitchy. I work at a library and he works in a factory. I'm sorry to inform you that not everyone in this world is wealthy. Some people are middle-class and some (oh the horror) are poor. Get a reality check. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.02.08, 07:28 PM Flag
»
I'm have affair poster, and I get it. Income does matter. We would have to leave nyc if divorced. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.02.08, 07:30 PM Flag
»
oh the humanity! There is a whole great big world out there you know [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.02.08, 07:31 PM Flag
»
yep, and we both like living in ny and like our childrens schools and decided it would work better for us to stay married and be discreet when looking for love elsewhere. You do it your way, we do it ours. NP [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.02.08, 07:34 PM Flag
»
I don't have a problem with you saying this works for you. Whatever. She said she would have to leave NYC as if it meant the end of her life. Silly IMHO [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.02.08, 07:36 PM Flag
»
If you could. Custody agreements often make it hard for either parent to move. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.02.08, 07:38 PM Flag
»
I meant all of us would have to move to a different city (we would never live in different cities with children) and neither mom nor dad was interested, silly or not. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.02.08, 07:56 PM Flag
»
So one library employee, one factory job, and a paper route totals 50K....Something is off. You both still make minimum wage? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.02.08, 07:30 PM Flag
»
ITA. Doesn't make sense [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.02.08, 07:32 PM Flag
»
That's not off... $25k is more than a minimum wage job earns. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.02.08, 07:32 PM Flag
»
But they each work TWO jobs! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.02.08, 07:33 PM Flag
»
no, i work two jobs. He works one. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.02.08, 07:35 PM Flag
»
And how much would you earn if you left him? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.02.08, 07:37 PM Flag
»
About 20K. I can't live on that. And the child support from his income will be minimal. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.02.08, 07:41 PM Flag
»
You work a full time job and a paper route and only make 20K per year? How many years of work experience do you have? How many hours a week do you work? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.02.08, 07:42 PM Flag
»
she didn't say he did, and I doubt the paper route pays much... Lots of factories aren't employing full time constantly anymore either. Cut her some slack, her story adds up if you understand what it is like in other parts of the country. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.02.08, 07:37 PM Flag
»
I understand life in "other" parts of the country. In fact, I worked in a factory in MA for a long time. The only people who worked part time and didn't have second jobs were those who were on their way out of the workforce. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.02.08, 07:40 PM Flag
»
Hate to break it to you but "MA" isn't other parts of the country. East coast, high COLA, unionized. UBers are so !(@(@# [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.02.08, 08:48 PM Flag
»
Again maybe I am naive but I feel that with 50k eating shouldn't be an issue. Maybe a vacation is an issue or a needed used car but not food. Regardless if her dh is a jerk she should leave him. Alone she could probably get some federal assistance plus have this affair she wants. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.02.08, 07:38 PM Flag
»
ITTTTA [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.02.08, 07:40 PM Flag
»
I didn't say eating was an issue, I said eating "well". Maybe a bit hard for you to understand but even us poor folk are aware of the health benefits of certain types of fish, blueberries, organic yogurt. . . not affordable on a low salary after paying the bills and daycare and what the health insurance doesn't cover, which is almost everything. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.02.08, 07:44 PM Flag
»
There are no health benefits to organic yogurt. Frozen berries are cheap. And frozen fish is very inexpensive. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.02.08, 07:49 PM Flag
»
np: When my parents divorced when I was 9, even as kids we knew we had a lot less. We ate a lot of tuna salad, and occasionally the electricity would be turned off, and when it rained, it rained inside, until my dad paid for a new roof. And we were middle class. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.02.08, 07:49 PM Flag
»
That's 50K together, right? Split up, they would have to pay two rents (or a mortgage and a rent) and very probably more for childcare. (np) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.02.08, 07:45 PM Flag
»
So you get a roommate, or find another single parent to share a house with, or you work a different shift than your ex and don't pay for childcare. People do it all the time. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.02.08, 07:48 PM Flag
»
Life is not as simple as you make it out to be. She balancing staying with someone she doesn't love or struggling financially. Have you noticed the economy has gone to hell? It's not as easy to find another job as you think. People struggle financially all the time and kids all over the country don't have enough to eat. I'm not saying that's OP's situation, but even if you are speaking from personal experience, it doesn't mean your experience is universal. And if you aren't speaking from personal experience, you should maybe not be so judgmental. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.02.08, 07:53 PM Flag
»
I am talking about what people do to survive. Plenty of women have found themselves on their own in financial dire straights. They get roommates. They team up with other single parents. They form babysitting coops. Do they do what they have to in order to make ends meet. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.02.08, 07:55 PM Flag
»
Or they stay in bad marriages, which, I would guess, is by far the more common solution. In fact there are many abused women who stay in marriages because they are terrified they will be left with nothing if they leave. Again, it's your attitude that's disturbing, more than your "adivice." [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.02.08, 08:01 PM Flag
»
np that is true. So what are you going to do about being poor? Opportunities are out there (and I'm not saying it's easy either so don't even whine about that) Go take advantage of some [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.02.08, 07:30 PM Flag
»
We have high school educations. That didn't matter as much ten or fifteen years ago when we started working, but it's everything now. There's no way to get ahead or earn more income without a degree. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.02.08, 07:32 PM Flag
»
well then one of you should go to night school. There is financial aid out there esp for people over 25. Divorce if you must and get a degree in something - even an associates degree will help you find something better. I know you are just venting here but seriously - there is no good reason to live a miserable life. Find out about your options, move to a smaller town near family etc and do something to make things better for yourself and yout kids [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.02.08, 07:35 PM Flag
»
Yes, divorce and go to night school and find someone to watch her kids for free. Oh, and by the way, don't see your kids at all for a few years, since it's only people with money who have a right to spend time with their kids instead of working around the clock. If these were made as helpful suggestions, that would be nice. (np) [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.02.08, 07:55 PM Flag
»
why can't she just have an affair? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.02.08, 07:32 PM Flag
»
b/c it's dishonest and doesn't solve any of her problems. Would just make everything worse [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.02.08, 07:33 PM Flag
»
np: and teach her children a very bad lesson [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.02.08, 07:34 PM Flag
»
not sure you have to involve the children in the affair - sounds like a bad idea. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.02.08, 07:36 PM Flag
»
You assume it can be kept a secret forever. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.02.08, 07:41 PM Flag
»
who says it has to be dishonest? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.02.08, 07:34 PM Flag
»
in her case it probably would be, we can't all have dh that doesn't care who we sleep with. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.02.08, 07:38 PM Flag
»
she should ask him. hey, you never know. If you aren't sleeping together, he might be just as thrilled. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.02.08, 07:42 PM Flag
»
This is so unrealistic for most people - working and going to school while you are trying to scrape by is almost impossible. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.02.08, 08:04 PM Flag
»
Have an affair to get your groove back and stay married. It would be worse to be dirt poor [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.02.08, 07:34 PM Flag
»
thanks. i think i will. i knew someone would understand. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.02.08, 07:35 PM Flag
»
at least two of us do! [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.02.08, 07:37 PM Flag
»
Just so that you know, op, this is why your life is a mess. You only listen to bad advice, refuse to listen to any thing you don't want to hear, and hide behind the "no one understands" excuse. This can't be the first time someone is letting you know this. Do what you must but please take a moment now and then to take your selfish head out of your own ass and make sure your dc doesn't end up a big loser like you. kids learn a lot by example. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.02.08, 07:48 PM Flag
»
worst. advice. ever [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.02.08, 07:37 PM Flag
»
i think the affair idea might be a clue into your problems: you are thinking short term. gotta think long term. maybe you both should see a marriage counselor. [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.02.08, 08:19 PM Flag
»
Are you frigging kidding me? They have no money - where are they going to find money for a marriage counselor? [ Reply | More ]
General Topics 07.02.08, 08:52 PM Flag
Refresh » New Post »
close [X]

close [X]

Select a Category (only 1)

category
Stages
Regions