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07.02.08, 12:03 PM General Topics
17 replies
Feel like I am on edge of nervous breakdown. My dad just had open heart surgery and my husband lost his job. My mom is a total emotional cripple who is totally toxic - so I will need to manage my dads life until he recovers (which is an utter mess, huge financial and legal isssues). In the mean time I am looking for a job and dropping a business I have been building for the last year - because we need the $$$. Add 2 kids, no help and no family around and I feel like I am drowning. What do I do??? [ Reply | Watch | Flag ]
General Topics 07.02.08, 12:03 PM Flag
 

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DH needs to step up in a big way here. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 12:04 PM Flag
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op-give me some examples...i told him he needs to help out more...issue is that until i find a job i need to keep working on what i am wokring on - because it is the last thing on my resume...its nuts...and meanwhile all he has is well - dealing with bills now and then and looking for a job. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 12:06 PM Flag
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Even if its not in his real career, he needs to be bringing in a paycheck. If not that, then he needs to take the lead in managing your dad's life, if that's the sort of thing he's at all good at. He needs to make it possible for you to meet your obligations to your family one way or another, and that might mean working two jobs if one in his field doesn't show up right away. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 12:09 PM Flag
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op-great,solid advice. thank you. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 12:11 PM Flag
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delegate stuff to him. He probably feels bad that he's out on his ass just as the shit hit the fan, he needs a To DO list every day, with a lot of stuff on it. If he gets a job interview obviously that comes first, but he doesn't have to be sitting by the phone all day [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 12:11 PM Flag
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op-he sits on his computer all day in our basement office - its such BS...meanwhile I am looking for jobs, interviewing, keeping my business flowing, juggling kids (have PT babysitter..but probably not for long), dealing with medical issue for dad & my parents life...its such BS...yes - he needs to do way more [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 12:13 PM Flag
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OK, maybe HE should be on Prozac! Seriously, your resentment of him right now could really lead to some major friction. He cannot be happy sitting there reading blogs or looking at porn or whatever he's doing. He cannot be feeling good about himself. Can you coax him into being your strong man now? [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 12:18 PM Flag
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BTDT, get meds. Prozac or anything to level you out. Sorry for your issues, I went through this when my mother had cancer. Nightmare. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 12:04 PM Flag
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np meds aren't always the answer to everything. Sometimes it's normal to feel overwhelmed in an overwhelming situation. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 12:05 PM Flag
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OR: Sure, but if you can't get anything done and take care of business, you need something to help you function. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 12:07 PM Flag
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ITA. I'm not saying they are never the answer, but it sounds like OP may have some other options here by dealing with things in a different way. It's not like she just feels crappy for no reason. She has a lot to deal with. I just hate the idea that meds are the first answer to any problem [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 12:09 PM Flag
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op-i am a writer and an outspoken critic on medicating..so unfortunately/fortunately I know too much about most of these meds to feel safe taking them...but thats a whole other subject [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 12:10 PM Flag
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I'm with you. I think people over use them and underestimate the side effects etc. There are some pretty good suggestions here. I hope you will consider some of them. And remember, none of this is permanent. You will get through it one way or another. ;-) [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 12:12 PM Flag
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I'm so sorry. Accept that life is just going to suck for a while, but things will get better. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 12:06 PM Flag
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one issue at a time, one day at a time. And you need help. Can a sibling take over your father's affairs? Can he pay an accountant to do it? And get your dh on board- talk to him about how stressed you are and work out a plan to take some pressure at home away from you (like having a couple of hours on Sat morn to go to a coffee shop by yourself, sth like that). gl [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 12:06 PM Flag
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that's a good suggestion. Have a fee-based Certified Financial Planner work on your dad's finances. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 12:19 PM Flag
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Get some help, even if it means going into debt. Asks friends to help with kids, look for high school or college student or mother's helper. If your husband lost his job why can't he take a lot of responsibility for kids, household. [ Reply | More
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General Topics 07.02.08, 12:10 PM Flag
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